journeys

No More Wringing of the Hands

wringing of hands

I worry about everything.  Things that are possible, things that are impossible and all that is in between.  Basically I wring my hands a lot.  I have known for a long time that worrying is a waste of precious time, but I cannot seem to drop the habit.  I feel as if I do not worry about something, that thing is going to happen.  It is a vicious circle.

This is not a new behavior for me.  As a child, I worried that my parents would die, that I would get sick or that some catastrophe (like nuclear attack) would happen.  It was the groundwork for my OCD in later years.  OCD that hampered my life for so long.

So here I am on a quest, and I have something holding me back.  I knew it was fear but the fear is based in my worry.  Now is the time I need to break the chain of both fear and worry.

No more rethinking every conversation, no more coming up with scenarios that are not  ever going to happen and no more wringing of hands.  I cannot even imagine how freeing it would be to step out the front door in the morning and not have that dark rain cloud over my head telling me to stay in and hide.

I have found it is actually easier to be fearful than to be brave.  Which makes sense; going out on a limb, so to speak, is scary no matter who you are.  After talking with many people who have done exciting things, I have found out that brave people are not necessarily unafraid, but the fear does not stop them.  Some say that the fear actually encourages them to keep going and pushes them further.

I am going to take baby steps.  Firstly, stop wringing of my hands.  Secondly, I need to accept the fear I feel as motivation to walk over it and start experiencing all those things I have been looking for.  Modern life is always trying to cramp the bold style; scary news broadcasts, all kinds of media that exploit the horrendous nature of some humans, and just a general fear of those things we do not understand.  Life seems to have become full of random, unexplainable violence. That will do a lot to keep you behind closed doors.

For today, I will let the sun shine on my face.  I will feel the breeze blowing through my hair. I want to smell the outdoors and hear the sounds of nature.  I am excited to finally be taking steps to actually go outside my comfort zone, not just words.

Here is to being brave, even if it is a small step.  It is, at least, a forward step.

praying hands

Here is from going from wringing hands to praying hands.

The Heart is Heavy from Loss

missed

Today, I just heard that a mentor of mine has passed away.  His name was Bill and he started the company I worked at for almost 20 years.  Today, I am flooded with memories of my time there, some good and some bad but all were amazing.

When I started working in 1989, I was really a lost soul (even more than I am today).  I had recently gotten divorced, had no real job experience to speak of (retail, some bank experience) and I only had my GED.  I had been interviewing all over the place and getting the same response:  sorry, you do not have experience or education.  So when I interviewed, I was asked why I was having such trouble finding a job and I explained what I was being told.

Many years later, the HR Manager told me that when she heard me say that I could not get a job because of lack of experience and education, she decided right than and there that she would get me both.  That was the corporate culture, set forth by Bill and his partner.  Not only do you grow your business, but you grow your employees.  There was an entire culture built around that philosophy.  Many people gained work and life experience as well as a degree. They had a very generous education policy that allowed many to get their degrees, including me.

When I started it was in the Mail Room.  I was scared every day that I was going to goof something up.  I apologized constantly to everyone, I must have looked so pathetic.  One day Bill came up to me in the mail room and asked me what did I know.  Taken aback by the question, I said not much and continued to do my work.  He then asked me what they were paying me for.  That was his sense of humor, but I did not realize it at the time.  For the next two years or so, every time I saw Bill I would start to sweat and shake.  When I had to do something for him, I would do it so completely wrong because I was totally nervous.

I eventually did get over all that and he became a mentor to me.  There were days when he would walk around the facility talking to just about everyone (and he knew all our names), he would get to my office and sit down and either ask me a question about how I thought things were going or something completely random.  He would often tell a story, and when he told a story it was riveting.  Sometimes I would work Saturdays just to get caught up and he would visit my office and ask why I could not get my work done during the week.  Again, it was his sense of humor.

My work days were filled with hard work, learning new things, making lifetime friends, giving back to the community, and having fun.  We all worked hard but when it came time to relax, we did that too.  Picnics, parties and luncheons were all coordinated to either celebrate a milestone or give everyone a break after a long stretch of work. The employees were cared for.

I learned many things about business from Bill, but also things about life.  My life before was unstructured and not cohesive.  I learned to wear many different hats and I gained so much experience.  All the time watching this interesting man run his business and continue to be humble.  His humanity and humility are the things this world will miss the most.  We live in a society where Donald’s and Kanye’s boast about their greatness.  I learned from Bill if you are truly great, you do not have to tell a soul.  It can be seen and felt.  With Bill it was.

I shudder to think where my life would be without knowing Bill and all the people who I worked with.  It was truly a family of sorts.  We would fight, tease, and be rough on each other but in the end we all admired and loved one another.  That is what Bill taught us.  Unfortunately, like all good things, those times ended and people moved on.  I have kept in touch with many and lost touch with many.  I never really talked with Bill after I left, and I regret that.  But his presence lived on in my life and will continue to.

Some people touch your life in ways that cannot be explained.  Bill touched my life and those of many others in that way.  He left a legacy in every person who knew him.  His light will shine for decades to come and I am honored to have known him.

Goodbye, Bill, your life showed me how to live. You WILL be missed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Riding the Tail of the Dragon
Dragon #3

I do not own any of the images used in this post.

A few weeks back I wrote a post about the lovely Tapoco Lodge and I purposely left out the information about how I got there.  Today, I will explain about the Tail of the Dragon (also known as US 129)

The Tail of the Dragon is a 11-mile stretch of paved road between the Great Smoky Mountains and the Cherokee National Forest.  It is, unbeknownst to me the first time I drove it, a coveted road for motorcyclists and sports car enthusiasts.  I have read that there are no intersections or driveways to interfere with the drive.  To be honest, I never even noticed that and I have driven it three times now.  When you ride the dragon, you keep your eyes on the road and that is it, end of story.

You see it is not just a scenic little drive through the mountains-although it is that–there are actually 318 curves, twists, and switchbacks on that 11 mile strip of road.  318!!!!  Did I mention the sheer drops, no berms and the possibility of animals crossing the road?  And there is always the chance of rock slides and fallen trees in the road.

Dragon #1

The first time I drove it I was totally ignorant of the dragon.  I had never heard of it.  In fact, it was my third time driving it that I even realized what was going on.  Then it all made sense.  Until then I thought it was just some poorly executed road through the mountains.  My first drive on the dragon was at night and during a rainstorm.  The absolute terror I felt has basically wiped most of the memories away of that night.  I thought I was in some bad horror movie.  The dark (very dark) road went on and on for what seemed like hours.  I had motorcycles and sports cars passing me at high speeds and there was no where to turn off or turn around.  There is very little phone reception due to the mountains.  I was sure that somewhere along the road was going to be my final resting place.

I made it to my destination about an hour late, then I had the great pleasure of driving it again to get back to where I was staying.  Luckily, the GPS found a different route back but it was still a challenge especially at night.

The second time I drove it was during the day and I just took my time.  Again, motorcycles and sports cars passed me with a vengeance.  It had to look funny seeing this middle-aged woman driving this four-door SUV on this road.  I was still clueless as to what was going on.  Again, I made it to my destination.  This time I stayed a while and did not give the dragon another thought.

It was when I booked the room at the Tapoco Lodge (I had stopped there on one of  my trips looking for directions–that is when I decided I wanted to stay there) that I started to read about the Tail of the Dragon and learned just how many curves there actually are. 318!!  Sitting on the porch of my cabin at the Tapoco Lodge I watched dozens of motorcycles, Corvettes, Porsches and other sports cars zoom past on their way to quite an adventurous drive.  That was in December, I cannot imagine how crowded the road can get in the summer.

Dragon #2

Riding the Tail of the Dragon (not once, but three times) was never on my plan when I started this trip.  But it actually has turned out to be one of my proudest achievements.  I am not sure how many SUVs make the trip, but Devi rose to the challenge, hugged that road and kept going.  She is an amazing vehicle!  The things I have put her through!

There are many accidents along this road.  I have read that it can take an hour or longer to get emergency personnel to an accident scene due to the remoteness.  This road is to be respected and not thought of lightly.  People have lost their lives here.  So if you ever find yourself on the tail, tread lightly but have fun.  It is quite a road and the scenery is breathtaking if you get a chance to see it.

dragon #4

 

 

 

Half Full or Half Empty?

Half full

The other day I was emailing my sister about the things going on in my life.  She is my best cheerleader; she picks me up when I fall, she encourages me when I am down, and helps me think clear when my mind is cloudy.  This particular day I as down more than my usual amount and she encouraged me.  Then she said that she was a glass half full person.  I have heard that saying so many times, but I never really thought about what it meant.

What does that mean?  In her case, I believe, it means that as long as there is something in the glass she still has hope and blessings in her life.  She does see the positive in life.

So in the reverse, I suppose, it would mean that if your glass was half empty that you feel that you are lacking in something, in need of whatever was in the glass even though there is still some remaining.

I got to thinking about a glass of iced tea (my favorite!).  The glass comes to me full and after I take my first sip I worry when am I going to get more.  The glass isn’t even half empty yet and I am already ruminating about running out. I can no longer enjoy the tea because I am worrying about it. The same is true with Oreo’s.  I eat the first one and I feel the need to get a new package for when the first package is gone.  How messed up is that?!?  It is almost like hoarding, but not quite.  I do not want to keep the tea or the Oreo’s indefinitely.  I want to consume them but I want to be sure I have more for the next time.

So, the half-full, half-empty scenario does not seem to work for me.  I do not want lots of things, but the things that I do want I tend to want in overflow mode.  Then comes the time I have had my fill of Oreo’s and I move on to PopTarts or some other thing.  Then the cycle starts all over again.

After much thought, I do not think I really want the Oreo’s, but I want the comfort they provide.  I want to hoard comfort.  I realize that I am so afraid of losing the few things that give me comfort that I am in a constant state of anxiety trying to be comforted.  I know it makes no sense.  I think that is why the epic journey did not work as well as I had hoped because I could not live in the moment.  I had to be on the look out for my next comforting moment.

When I speak of comfort I do not necessarily mean a posh bed with a down comforter.  I mean the intangible feeling of being safe and secure; having my own space where I can just be.  I had a hard time finding that on the road.  Devi became my comfort zone as she represented a space that was mine, and even today she is that to me.

I feel I am in constant anxiety mode worrying that my comfort zone will be gone or that I will have to find a new one, so I am always looking.  I am never enjoying today because tomorrow I may be out of Oreo’s.  It is no wonder I am never happy or content, I am always on the edge of the cliff.

That explains a lot.  Now, how do I fix it?  Do I give up Oreo’s all together and learn to live without them?  I have written in the past wondering how important a comfort zone really is and I am still struggling with that ideal.  I need to start living in the moment, but I honestly do not know how.  I should be able to eat the Oreo’s and not worry about getting more.  I should be able to eat them and move onto HoHo’s or whatever that particular day offers me.  Each day is different and I think I look to the Oreo’s to be the consistent thing, the comfort, in my life.

I have to learn that, as the saying goes, it is the journey not the destination that is what makes life worth living.  I have been fighting the journey all the time saying that the journey is all I want in life.  I have been afraid; afraid of change, afraid of discomfort, afraid of everything.  Now it is time for me to wipe all that away and live today without worrying about the Oreo’s for tomorrow.  For tomorrow there will either by Oreo’s or maybe even something better.  I cannot hold on so tightly to an ideal that I cannot live my life.

I spent many years  barely able to leave the house without extreme terror.  I was literally afraid of everything and everyone.  I was miserable. I finally learned to step out of it, but not completely.  I must have held onto some of that fear as it has resurfaced.  The comfort I thought I felt being in that house and not being able to go out actually turned into a prison rather than a place of comfort.  I am starting to do that again without the house part.  I have no real place to hide and it is freaking me out.

Understanding the problem is the first step to recovering from it.  Maybe now I can start working on weaning myself off of the Oreo’s and enjoying the things going on around me instead of worrying about tomorrow.  I want to be a glass half full person.  I want to see the possibilities and not the reasons it will not work.  I am going to start enjoying the moment and forget about tomorrow.  As it has been said, tomorrow is not guaranteed anyway.  Why ruin today because I have to plan out tomorrow?

I am sure this is going to be easier said then done, but now I understand the Oreo’s in my life and I think I can make some changes.

Here is to the people in your life who are your cheerleaders…we all need them and I hope to “get well enough” to be that for someone else.  Those people are the ones that create the change in life.  Thank you to Rita for being my cheerleader.

 

 

 

Please do not think of me as whining
IMG_0648

I do not own this image. I am respectfully using it on my blog.

I know that I made a post today, I am not trying to overdo the postings.  I saw this on Facebook today and I had to repost it here.

I realize that some (or many) of my posts may sound like whining.  I certainly do not mean for that tone to come across.  As the statement above says:  I embrace being wrong because I am wrong so often.  I better embrace it or I will be miserable.  I feel free of the illusion that this quest I am on will ever be complete or even become clear.  I think that is just how life is, a little veiled in mystery.  I do, obviously, care what people think of me but not to the extent that it used to be.  I used to be paralyzed by what others thought. Finally, I am questioning everything, especially myself and my motives.

As I go along this journey, I will continue to question and fail.  It may sound like whining but it is just me putting my thoughts and concerns to the page.  I am blessed in abundance with so many good things.  The bad things in my life have served the purpose to teach things like empathy and compassion.  So even those things are a blessing.

I expect certain intangible things (mostly of myself), but I hope I never come across as feeling entitled.  That is a real problem on our society today and I certainly do not want to be one of these people who walks around wanting and wanting.

I am not sure this post was necessary, but I want this blog to be as transparent and as real as possible.  The things I write are really things I am thinking.  Right or wrong…it is how my brain works.

Thank you to whoever created the words above and the photograph.  It so completely is how I feel.

Here is to being as real as possible and I hope a little entertaining(?).

 

I Wish I May…I Wish I Might???
wish board

Pathetic as it may be, this is my wish board.

This is going to sound idiotic, but I never understood the purpose of a wish.  I get that when you wish for something you are asking for something in particular or some other tangible item that you do not currently have.  It could also be something intangible like a superpower or the like.  But when you wish, who are you talking to?  It is not a prayer like to God, so who is listening to all these wishes?  I am so confused.

In my last career position, we had a corporate strategy meeting where we all added ideas to a wish board.  I was new to the concept and found it intriguing.  Everyone contributed ideas about how to make the company better for employees and customers as well as stronger financially.  There were no wrong ideas, so we were all free to add things that would have been considered over-the-top in a regular corporate meeting atmosphere.  Then the best-of-the-best were picked and added to a wish board that hung in the lobby as a reminder of where we wanted to take the company.

I have to admit I snickered a little under my breath at the idea.  Then after one particularly desperate day, I thought I would make my own wish board (I actually called it a dream board, but I believe they are the same thing).  It was way harder to do it for things I wanted in my life, there was no real out-of-box thinking.  The reason, I think, for that is because it is my life and I know I am never hitting the road with Bad Company or shredding down a mountain slope on a snowboard.  Not happening, so I felt the need to be a little more realistic.

I purposely used a smaller sheet of paper because I wanted everything on my list to be of importance to me.  I started with a picture of a tiny house.  I have wanted a tiny house for years.  I have read the books about the lifestyle and watched the television shows.  I am having doubts about it becoming a reality for me, but I put it out there as my foundation.  So, let’s just call it the fact that I want to live with a much smaller footprint whether it be a small apartment or a tiny home.  Smaller is really the key for the base of my board.

Then came what to do with my life.  I would like to work from home as a writer.  Yet, another thing that might not be in my future.  I am going to write no matter what, but I cannot see it paying rent or feeding me.  But again, it is the foundation for all of this.  I really think I should not be negative at this point, but I am also very realistic.  Unfortunately.  I used to dream big, but life sort of took that ability away from me.  Too negative?  Maybe.  This concept is harder than it seems.

Since I do not see a New York Times Bestseller in my immediate future, I need a job.  I just want a job that I am trained to do and one that I love.  I want to feel like I am making a difference and supporting myself in the process.  Having not “worked” at a regular job for a while, I have to admit the thing I hated about a regular job is the thing I miss the most.  The structure or you could call it having a purpose (that sounds much better).  I need that sense of on-going purpose.

Tiny footprint, writing and purpose.  Good start.  A few other things that followed included:  daily Bible study, volunteering, consistent exercise, frugal living, eating clean and making my own food as much as I can and my own cleaning products.  That is basically my dream board.  Funny, how when I put it this way, I see that I actually have some control over these factors.  Not really wish material (other than the tiny home).  So, do I not understand the concept after all?  I am still so confused.

What about my wanderlust?  I still want to continue the Epic Journey, but it needs to be thought out better.  I never realized just how expensive a journey like that would be (I could never have done it without your support), or how grueling it would be.  I need to take some time and reconsider the remaining portion of the trip. It will happen, I promise.  I just need to regroup.

What about home/farm stays?  I am struggling with my true abilities to do this type of work.  The past 53 years of my life have done nothing to prepare me for this particular lifestyle.  I feel useless at times and that just plain makes me sad.  Another thing I need to rethink.

To sum it all up, my wish board is more like at To Do List.  I can keep wishing for these things but without taking action, they will never happen.  Getting back to my original thought, I guess I really do not understand the concept of what a wish is for.  Do you go into a wish knowing it is just a pipe dream or somewhere in the back of your mind, do you think it could happen?  What happens when you wait and wait and the wish does not come to pass?  Seems to me wishes are pathways to be disilllusioned.

I think I will put my wish board away somewhere and turn it into my To Do List.  That is concrete and measurable.  I will leave the wishes to others. I honestly wish I could believe in the power of wishes, but I guess I am too pragmatic.

Here is to a healthy and attainable To Do List for those of us who are uncontrollably realistic…

and here is to those lovely souls who have dreams and wishes, may they become real and change your life in a way that adds more light to the darkness of this world.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh My…How Things Change

Change Ahead

Change is my new mantra.  It is so funny to think about, but I used to avoid change at all costs, now the landslide I call my life is constantly shifting.  I was thinking this morning about all the little things that have changed in my life.

I used to wash my hands constantly.  Yes, slightly obsessive.  Now, I can go to the barn then make a sandwich and never give my hands another thought.  Of course, if they are covered in something I will wash them, but not the 30 times a day I used to.

My old rule was if I wore something for longer than five minutes, it had to be washed and dried.  I was constantly doing laundry of clothes I never really wore.  Now, I have to remember to change my clothes after a few days.  I forget sometimes how long I have worn an outfit.  Pants can go a couple weeks and shirts a couple days.

Grocery store runs were an almost daily norm for me.  If I saw a recipe and did not have an ingredient, off to the store I went (and bought a lot more than that one item).  I have learned to improvise.  Now I use what I have or do without.  “Going to town” now means planning ahead and being resourceful in the meantime.

Most of my life has been spent sitting behind a desk; shuffling papers,typing, answering phones and other non-physical activities.  Due to that lifestyle, I became very soft and doughy.  Now I am walking and moving so much more.  What an amazing difference that makes.  I am down about 30 lbs. (with quite a few to go) just by getting out of the chair once in a while.  After you get used to it, moving actually does feel good!  I am even considering starting to hike  — well, I still in the thinking stage of that one.

Food, what can I say.  My old idea of food had to come to me in a prettty, shiny package all wrapped up nice and secure.  I knew where food really came from but I liked the idea of sanitary food.  I have found that food that is home grown, locally grown or just fresh from a farmer’s market tastes so much better.  I no longer need the plastic wrap to make me comfortable eating food.  Also, how much better is it when the food has been tended to and cared for.  You can actually taste the difference.  Sometimes I even accidentally eat a little dirt.

There are so many little things that have changed, I could go on for days.  The real thing though is how much more open I am.  I am still scared to death every day of my new life.  Mostly, I have no idea what I am doing or what is going to happen next, but I am open to the experiences.  I used to be so closed off, I just wanted to be alone.  It was just easier to be by myself.  I had no reason to meet anyone new.

Yesterday, I met a fellow Helpxer who came to my hosts home to help with a project.  We all had a great day talking about life, traveling, pain, insecurity and joy.  We talked the gambit of emotions and feelings.  At the end of the day, my new friend is going her separate way but I am hoping we can stay in contact as our journeys are similar.  I realized my struggles with uncertainty and feeling lost are not abnormal.  Lot of people, more put together than me, struggle too.

So as I think of all my personal changes and the fact that they make me feel as if I am standing on shifting sand at times, they are making me a more open person to all this world has to offer.  Talking to strangers, doing jobs I never dreamed of, and just putting myself out there are things I could have never done without the changes in my life.  The added bonus is the incredible people I am meeting are showing me new ideas and new ways to think that get me outside of my head.

There are days I curse change and wish I could wrap up in my blankie and just wallow but change is not allowing that behavior any longer.  I was very comfortable being enveloped by my sorrow and fear; we had become friends.  Now it has all changed and is continuing to change.  I am interested to see where the tide takes me and what my next adventure is.

Thank you for sharing with me.  Here’s to change and all that that entails!

 

 

Morning Comes Early

Having never been one to jump out of bed and start the day, my new life requires that I do that now.  The morning comes early when there are horses, dogs, cats, birds, turkeys, ducks and the occasional goats to feed.  These lovely living creatures need me to care for them.

Walking outside to see the sun starting to stream over the mountains, smelling the pure mountain air and feeling the cool breeze on my skin has transformed me into a morning person.  The absolute quiet of the day and the stillness have made me fall in love with this new, albeit temporary, lifestyle.  As the kitties rub my leg and the horses nudge me toward the barn, I realize that there is much more to life than I had ever imagined.  My view was certainly very narrow.

The day continues as it always does with more chores to do and errands to run.  Then the cycle starts again as night begins to fall.  I will hear the animal voices reminding me not to forget to feed them, as if I could.  But now the sun is disappearing behind the mountain and the fresh air still brushes against my face but just with a cooler temperature.  Life is good on the farm.

I am learning that taking care of something other than myself is its own reward.  I so quickly fall into a pattern that revolves around myself.  That only leads to frustration and depression.  Caring for others opens the heart and the mind to a new way of thinking.  It makes no difference if you are helping another person or a furry friend, the mind cannot seem to concentrate on both self and others at the same time.  Thinking of others is not an automatic response for me, but the more I do, the easier it becomes.

A few more things to do then off to bed as morning does come early to the farm.

Here is to the opportunity to see a new and different life than the one I knew and to constantly expanding my horizons.

A Time for Reflection 

  
First, let me say to everyone out there…I am wishing you all a very merry Christmas and a new year full of blessings, health and joy!!

I know it has been a while since I posted anything.  I traveled a little bit, made it to Florida to visit my sister and brother-in-law, got sick and started a new home stay.  As usual there is a lot going on but I was just too ill to write about it.  I am finally feeling better, thanks to my host family and a local free clinic.  

A year ago today I was at home in Ohio thinking about taking an extended trip to the Wesr Coast.  I had a job that I had to figure out and logistics.  I was aching to hit the road but was pretty sure it was not going to happen.  Here I am a year later and I did the Epic Journey (at least part of it), left my family home of 49 Years and am living somewhat nomadic for the time being.  What an incredible and terrifying year.  

My highs have been very high and the lows below low.   I, truthfully, have been afraid most of the time.  Change is hard for me and I have had a lot of it.  I have cried more this year than I ever have and I have also laughed more than I ever have.  I have felt more isolated than I ever have and more connected than ever.  The year has been full of contradictions and confusion.  But looking back all I can really see are the people I have met.

The people who  have crossed my path have touched my life in ways I could never have imagined.  I reconnected with many of my family and long-time friends before taking this trip and that was a blessing I can never forget.  We all got busy with life and this trip seemed to bring us all together again.  My work friends supported me from the very beginning and I could never have done this without that support and love.  On the road, I met amazing people taking their own personal journeys.   I learned the trips were different but the need to dream and explore were all the same.

I have met people who have traveled the world and walked across the country in search of the perfect place to be.  I have met single women traveling alone and  finding independence and strength.  I have met many people on quests to find peace by pitching everything and starting over.  I have met people willing to take strangers into their homes and provide shelter, food and purpose.  I have had complete strangers watch out for me to be sure I was safe when traveling alone.

When I planned the original trip I thought it was going to be about the things I saw and the things I did.  I was wholly and completely wrong.  Those things made an impression but it was who I met along the way that have changed me.  I have grown in ways I could never have imagined a year ago.  I have learned lessons and heard stories that have literally blown me away.  

There are times when I miss my own couch or bed.  Sometimes while driving, especially at night, I look at homes with the warm glow of light shining through the windows and I miss my own space but then I realize that I am on a different path right now.  I may settle down in one place again but for now I still need to expand my comfort zone and learn more of the lessons life has for me.

To everyone who has followed this crazy journey with me and to everyone who has supported me, my gratitude is unwavering. I could never have done this without you.  There are new plans being made for 2016, so the journey is not over yet.  I hope and pray that you will continue to be with me as I try new things.  My life is blessed because of you and I thank God daily for your love.

Here’s to family and friends this Christmas season and to all the best life has to offer in 2016!!  Thank you again everyone!!

Fresh Brewed Unsweetened Iced Tea with Extra Ice

iced tea

In the past, I have been very specific about certain things in my life. Iced tea is one of those things. I would only go to certain restaurants to get it because I knew who used powdered tea and who fresh brewed their tea. Getting a sweet tea by mistake would just about ruin my day. I always figured I know what I like and that is that.

Times they are a changing. I no longer have the luxury of having that mindset. I used to wear two or three outfits a day, now I wear one outfit for two or three days (as long as it stays clean). I used to have a pantry full of food, much of which I would never get around to eating. I would only have organic Half and Half in my coffee. My bathroom was full of bottles of scrubs, astringents, lotions and many other concoctions that I felt I absolutely needed to have. I never realized how wasteful I was.

Once you decide to downsize, you have to start rethinking everything; what is really important, what would be nice (if you had the room), and what is completely ridiculous to carry. I wanted to have just what I could carry in Devi (my Mitsubishi Endeavor). So I got rid of most of my stuff and packed up Devi and found that I still had too much stuff. Now I am in the midst of downsizing yet some more.

The point for me is that I always thought I had all this stuff that I could not live without and I had to live in a non-bending, specific way. I have learned one bar of soap washes my hair and face as well as my body; I no longer need soaps for different body parts. Three shirts and two pair of pants can make complete outfits for over a week. There is no room in the car for junk food (that is a fairly new rule and I do not always live by it…but I am trying) and so on.

I have a little respite today, so I am going to try to consolidate and get rid of a few more things. I will consider what is important or has some sentimental value and what is unnecessary. I will probably look back sometime today and wonder how I ever got by with my old way of thinking. I am embracing this new lighter lifestyle as it just seems more organic. Please do not get me wrong, I have a long way to go but, at least, I am on a path-not sure if it is the right path but it is a path. Learning to live with less and without a lot of extra conveniences is a process and I am assuming it is one that is learned over a long period of time.

For today, I will forego a few more of those “things” I thought I had to have and learn to embrace it. If I am out and about today, I may stop at Mickey D’s and get a fresh brewed, unsweetened iced tea with extra ice (a girl cannot give up everything)! Here’s to living with less and loving it!!