Today I was lazy. I had no expectations of the day and I made no apologies. I have been working hard and I am learning that on those infrequent and glorious days off that one can be lazy. I got up late. Ate breakfast. Did the few chores on my to do list and spent the rest of the day reading and binge watching Entourage. Did I feel bad about my lack of inactivity? Yes, at first. Then I realized how rejuvenating the down time felt.
My old life certainly did not allow for laziness whatsoever. Don’t get me wrong, I had days where my only movement was using the remote to switch to a new episode of whatever show I was obsessing about at the time. But during those times, money was tight due to all the debt I had, I always had things to tend to in the hopes of making a few extra dollars and the amount of housework grew faster than I could keep up with. I had too much stuff and it always required my attention. So lazy days filled me with overwhelming guilt.
I used to dream of what it would feel like to be out from under the drowning weight of all the stuff, all the possessions. I dreamt of how freeing it must be to not be owned by things. I really had no idea what it would actually be like. I imagined days free to write or read with no guilt. I wished for a day when I could do very little and enjoy the heck out of it without feeling like a total slacker.
Finally I am to a point where those dreams have come true and it’s better than I could have imagined. Before, work was so taxing because of all the pressures I had that I could not enjoy my work or my off time. Without the stuff or the burden of stuff I can actually enjoy work, free time and lazy days. Now I’m not talking about never doing anything on my days off; I’m talking about a day once in a while full of naps, good books, movies, or whatever one gets pleasure from. To be able to enjoy sitting in the sun reading a book (ok, I never sit in the sun or outside for that matter, I meant it metaphorically) without feeling pulled by the never ending to do list.
Without all the stuff I can keep up with chores even better than I ever could which affords me a lazy day here and there. This was my first lazy day without guilt in years. I did not plan it, it just happened. Man, it felt good!
I now see the importance of being lazy on occasion. It refreshes the soul and rejuvenates the body. I used to think it was wrong to not be busy all the time. No wonder I felt burned out every day. My body was tired and my soul was malnourished. It’s no wonder I was rarely ever happy and sick all the time. No room to be lazy = being sick and tired.
I certainly enjoyed my day full of nothingness. I am looking forward to the next one. I believe it may be a while but now that I have had a taste of that freedom, I will enjoy it more and without guilt.