Change is my new mantra. It is so funny to think about, but I used to avoid change at all costs, now the landslide I call my life is constantly shifting. I was thinking this morning about all the little things that have changed in my life.
I used to wash my hands constantly. Yes, slightly obsessive. Now, I can go to the barn then make a sandwich and never give my hands another thought. Of course, if they are covered in something I will wash them, but not the 30 times a day I used to.
My old rule was if I wore something for longer than five minutes, it had to be washed and dried. I was constantly doing laundry of clothes I never really wore. Now, I have to remember to change my clothes after a few days. I forget sometimes how long I have worn an outfit. Pants can go a couple weeks and shirts a couple days.
Grocery store runs were an almost daily norm for me. If I saw a recipe and did not have an ingredient, off to the store I went (and bought a lot more than that one item). I have learned to improvise. Now I use what I have or do without. “Going to town” now means planning ahead and being resourceful in the meantime.
Most of my life has been spent sitting behind a desk; shuffling papers,typing, answering phones and other non-physical activities. Due to that lifestyle, I became very soft and doughy. Now I am walking and moving so much more. What an amazing difference that makes. I am down about 30 lbs. (with quite a few to go) just by getting out of the chair once in a while. After you get used to it, moving actually does feel good! I am even considering starting to hike — well, I still in the thinking stage of that one.
Food, what can I say. My old idea of food had to come to me in a prettty, shiny package all wrapped up nice and secure. I knew where food really came from but I liked the idea of sanitary food. I have found that food that is home grown, locally grown or just fresh from a farmer’s market tastes so much better. I no longer need the plastic wrap to make me comfortable eating food. Also, how much better is it when the food has been tended to and cared for. You can actually taste the difference. Sometimes I even accidentally eat a little dirt.
There are so many little things that have changed, I could go on for days. The real thing though is how much more open I am. I am still scared to death every day of my new life. Mostly, I have no idea what I am doing or what is going to happen next, but I am open to the experiences. I used to be so closed off, I just wanted to be alone. It was just easier to be by myself. I had no reason to meet anyone new.
Yesterday, I met a fellow Helpxer who came to my hosts home to help with a project. We all had a great day talking about life, traveling, pain, insecurity and joy. We talked the gambit of emotions and feelings. At the end of the day, my new friend is going her separate way but I am hoping we can stay in contact as our journeys are similar. I realized my struggles with uncertainty and feeling lost are not abnormal. Lot of people, more put together than me, struggle too.
So as I think of all my personal changes and the fact that they make me feel as if I am standing on shifting sand at times, they are making me a more open person to all this world has to offer. Talking to strangers, doing jobs I never dreamed of, and just putting myself out there are things I could have never done without the changes in my life. The added bonus is the incredible people I am meeting are showing me new ideas and new ways to think that get me outside of my head.
There are days I curse change and wish I could wrap up in my blankie and just wallow but change is not allowing that behavior any longer. I was very comfortable being enveloped by my sorrow and fear; we had become friends. Now it has all changed and is continuing to change. I am interested to see where the tide takes me and what my next adventure is.
Thank you for sharing with me. Here’s to change and all that that entails!