By Lois Hewitt
I cannot believe I am approaching my 61st year of living. Wow! What a journey it’s been. Full of twisty turnys and lots of switchbacks. The amount of wrong turns is staggering. False starts and premature stops have been my norm. Chaos has ensured filled with horrible decision making. But I’m almost to 61 years old.
One would think, a sane person at least, that by now one would know their life’s path. That assumption would probably be considered spot on. But not in my case. I am still on shaky ground and don’t have a real good plan for if that ground shakes too much and I fall. I’ll be down for a while, me thinks.
But the fog is beginning to clear. I am starting to see some substantial and grand changes. I’m not as depressed as I have been in the past. I feel real peace some of the time. I have learned to not engage in things that are not good for me such as eating bad things. I’m starting to think about exercising in a real sense. Haven’t exactly started but am very serious in my consideration of it. Overall I am trying to live with intent.
I have upped my time with God through study and prayer. I have avoided actually reading the Bible as a whole, preferring to read the parts that I understand. But as I read more and pray more, I am filled with the Holy Spirit and I am given understanding and discernment. It is starting to make sense and not seem like a bunch of words I don’t know thrown together just to confuse me.
I have made huge strides as of late in my Christian walk. Not through anything I have done but through Divine intervention. I hear the groans out there. Get real, I hear. Indwelling of the Spirit seems as logical as a virgin birth and a missing body from a tomb. Not very scientific.
But my life has changed so much from what it was. My body was a slave to addictions and to severe bouts of depression and compulsions. My mind worried about every possible, and many impossible, scenarios. I was paralyzed with fear almost all the time. I knew of Jesus but I certainly thought He had better things to than sort out my mess of a life.
Turns out I was wrong. He interceded even when I lost my faith and most of my hope. Slowly one by one a door opened and something small would change. Given my proclivity to hard-headedness, the process took a really long time. But I slowly started to get better. Then I even got a bit too cocky and had to come back down a bit.
But today, I understand this whole Christian thing better. Looking back, I was not alone as previously thought. Looking back I see my weaknesses morph into strengths. I see that my past has taught me but it does not define me. I lived for decades in a swampy place called my past. I was stuck in the murky waters much like quicksand from an old movie. The more I tried to squirm out the deeper I sank.
Now my feet are on solid ground with the past reminding me how not to act and giving me new insight as to who I am supposed to become…in my 60s for goodness sake.
It just proves that if you are still breathing, there is time to change. Now that I understand who I am in Jesus, the old me, who I would never want to be again, is dead. Born again as a new creature, still and always flawed, but changed profoundly because of a relationship with Jesus. Scientifically, doesn’t make sense but based on the faith I have, the scars from life, and the knowledge I now have, I know it to be truth.
Today everyone has their own “truth”. I used to have my own but now I stand on the firm ground of Jesus. Not caring if it makes logical sense. I know my life and how I lived it before, I can see where the skies started to open and the sun finally started to shine. The sun shines because of the Son.
I’m so glad I saw the light! It took a few decades but that’s ok!