I worry about everything. Things that are possible, things that are impossible and all that is in between. Basically I wring my hands a lot. I have known for a long time that worrying is a waste of precious time, but I cannot seem to drop the habit. I feel as if I do not worry about something, that thing is going to happen. It is a vicious circle.
This is not a new behavior for me. As a child, I worried that my parents would die, that I would get sick or that some catastrophe (like nuclear attack) would happen. It was the groundwork for my OCD in later years. OCD that hampered my life for so long.
So here I am on a quest, and I have something holding me back. I knew it was fear but the fear is based in my worry. Now is the time I need to break the chain of both fear and worry.
No more rethinking every conversation, no more coming up with scenarios that are not ever going to happen and no more wringing of hands. I cannot even imagine how freeing it would be to step out the front door in the morning and not have that dark rain cloud over my head telling me to stay in and hide.
I have found it is actually easier to be fearful than to be brave. Which makes sense; going out on a limb, so to speak, is scary no matter who you are. After talking with many people who have done exciting things, I have found out that brave people are not necessarily unafraid, but the fear does not stop them. Some say that the fear actually encourages them to keep going and pushes them further.
I am going to take baby steps. Firstly, stop wringing of my hands. Secondly, I need to accept the fear I feel as motivation to walk over it and start experiencing all those things I have been looking for. Modern life is always trying to cramp the bold style; scary news broadcasts, all kinds of media that exploit the horrendous nature of some humans, and just a general fear of those things we do not understand. Life seems to have become full of random, unexplainable violence. That will do a lot to keep you behind closed doors.
For today, I will let the sun shine on my face. I will feel the breeze blowing through my hair. I want to smell the outdoors and hear the sounds of nature. I am excited to finally be taking steps to actually go outside my comfort zone, not just words.
Here is to being brave, even if it is a small step. It is, at least, a forward step.
Here is from going from wringing hands to praying hands.