journeys

Day 7 — The Pacific Ocean!! Newport, Oregon!! I Made it!!
It's me at the Pacific Ocean. I made it!! A bit overcast but who cares!!

It’s me at the Pacific Ocean. I made it!! A bit overcast but who cares!!

Today’s post is all about reaching my goal of getting to the Pacific Ocean.  I could tell you about the interesting day I had yesterday (car camping at Walmart) but I think today the post has to be about the beauty of the ocean, about its healing properties and its energy.  Hope you like the wordless post and like the pictures.  I wish I was Ansel Adams, but alas I am not.

Pacific Coastline via Oregon.

Pacific Coastline via Oregon.

A beautifully misty shoreline.

A beautifully misty shoreline.

The waves rolling in and with them the ocean's healing energy!

The waves rolling in and with them the ocean’s healing energy!

The overcast afternoon sky as the sun tries to peek out.

The overcast afternoon sky as the sun tries to peek out.

Even Devy loves the view.

Even Devy loves the view.

I have more photographs.  My connection at the Moolack Shores Motel is a little weak. So I will keep trying, also going to get some pictures of sunset even though it is still overcast.

Day 6 – Onward and Westward
Devi and the cabin I stayed in last night in Buffalo, Wyoming.

Devi and the cabin I stayed in last night in Buffalo, Wyoming.

Okay, here is the newest plan…head west again.  I really want to see the Pacific Ocean and I am this close.  If I turn back now, I will never forgive myself.  The respite in Buffalo, Wyoming was much needed.  Who would have guessed that a trip like this would be so tiring.

Many amazing things have happened since I started this trip just six days ago.  I have met wonderful people from all around the country.  While in Buffalo, I met a young lady who transplanted from my home state of Ohio.  It really is a small world!

Another amazing thing is the Internet.  I think we all take it for granted, but being able to connect (when you have a connection) is amazing.  Keeping in touch with friends and family is truly priceless.

The interior of the Busy Bee Cafe.

The interior of the Busy Bee Cafe.

While I have been on the road, I have heard from people from Kentucky and Alaska about volunteer opportunities.  How cool is that!!  I have people reading my blog from several foreign countries.  The concept just blows me away.  I never, in my life, would have thought that anyone, anywhere would have ever read anything I have written.  It is good to be connected.

This trip has taken so many twists and turns since I first started thinking about it when I was 15 (today I am 53, so it has been a while).  I do not think the re-planning is over.  I may have to change it up a bit.  I do not believe I will be able to physically take the entire around the country portion in one shot.  It will have to be done in stages, but that is okay.  It is not another failure on my “resume.”  It is just a change to a plan.

Downtown Buffalo, Wyoming. It is an adorable town!!

Downtown Buffalo, Wyoming. It is an adorable town!!

Today, I reserve my expectations to see what unfolds and leave the disappointment in the rear view mirror.  Today, I try to be part romantic and part realist; someone who can dream a little yet still hold tight to what needs done.  I say that as I am doing a load of laundry at the KOA.  Somehow I thought the drudgery of life would be something I left behind during this trip (not very realistic, I know).  Today, the idea of a shower and clean clothes seems more like a luxury than a drudgery.  I guess it is all perspective.

Anyway, I appreciate all of you who are reading this blog and for all your support.  I am going to try to keep moving forward and learn about myself and learn about others.

Thank you for everything!!  I feel so blessed today!!

Day 5 – Buffalo, Wyoming — Again

Have you ever gone somewhere in your life and when you got there you just knew it was right?  That is exactly how I felt when I rolled into Buffalo, Wyoming a few days ago.  I mostly came here because I am a huge Longmire fan and I just had to have lunch at the Busy Bee Cafe (one of Walt Longmire’s favorite places to eat in the books and the show).

This is the official Busy Bee Cafe Logo. I do not own its rights but use it respectfully in my blog.

This is the official Busy Bee Cafe Logo. I do not own its rights but use it respectfully in my blog.

I did not have lunch, but I had breakfast and the server, Kia, was perfect!  The food was great, the atmosphere welcoming and the weather was beautiful.  Before the Busy Bee opened, I met a gentleman who transplanted to Buffalo and he told me history of the town and why he loved it here.  He stopped to talk with me on his way to Bible Study at 6:30 am.  I was impressed.

The people at the KOA Buffalo (as I mentioned in a previous post) were absolutely wonderful to me and I felt as safe here as I did anywhere.  The campground was fun, clean and accessible.  Road Lesson:  A clean, hot shower is worth more than gold!!

I kinda got an inclination that maybe I had found a “home”, a place where I could fit it.  Small town living with lots of caring individuals and the opportunity to become an active member of the community through volunteering.

I spent the day in Buffalo today trying to find a place to live and a job.  If it was meant to be, it would happen.  In the process, I met a lovely artist woman at the Chamber of Commerce outpost, a group of women involved in local businesses and the sweetest real estate agent who so very hard to help.  The day was full of meeting and greeting.  Unfortunately, it seems that it was not meant to be as nothing quite worked out.

What was I thinking….trying to do this on the spur of the moment without any hint or preview.  I just fell in love with the history, the town and the people.  I do not want to leave, but I cannot afford to stay.  Maybe I can come back.

As I read my posts I realize that I sound very negative.  I honestly am not that negative of a person.  So during my downtime today I got real introspective.  I realized that I, much to my dismay, I am a romantic by heart.  I romanticized this trip like the trips of Jack Kerouac, Hunter S. Thompson and Robert M. Pirisig.  As Hunter would say, this trip was to be my “high water mark.”  I was expecting everything to change because of it.  Then my true self, the realist, stepped in and kicked me square in the pants and demands to know what I was thinking.

Because of those unrealistic expectations I am experiencing disappointment. When I was younger I was full of wonder and awe.  Although a bit jaded, I still had that feeling that life was going to end up like some sort of sappy Disney movie.  Then, I guess, you have to grow up and become responsible and pay your bills and be contributing members of society.  That is all fine and good, but the heavy weight of responsibilities moves wonder somewhere else, somewhere not easily accessed.

So I realized today that I am not negative so much as I am too much of a realist.  I no longer want to be a realist.  I want to have the wonder back, I want the awe back but I think I have to do it in a way that is not quite so Pie-in-The-Sky.  Just like the perfect chocolate chip cookie dough, you need the right amounts of each ingredient to make the perfect cookie; too much of one thing or too little of another will ruin the entire batch.

I am hoping I can change my perspective to reflect the perfect mix of romantic and realist.  You actually need both to keep from messing the situation up too badly.  Sorry it took my almost a week to figure this out, but maybe this knowledge will bring about the change I am looking for.

Thank you for listening….Buffalo, I still love you..I hope to return!!

Day 2 – Dubuque, Iowa to O’Neill, Nebraska and Day 3 – O’Neill Nebraska to Buffalo, Wyoming
Somewhere in Iowa. Big Sky, beautiful country!

Somewhere in Iowa. Big Sky, beautiful country!

Today I am going to combine Days 2 and 3, not because there is not much to say (there is so much to talk about) but I do not want to get too far behind.  I have to admit that this trip has taken some twists and turns, some I anticipated and some I never saw coming.  All my research and reading about car camping did not prepare me for the reality of it all.  I thought I could adapt a little easier than I have….it is still a work in progress.  I am enjoying it but lack of sleep, time changes and weather changes have really thrown me for a loop.  Oh well, all part of traveling on a budget!!

Traveling Route 20 instead of highways has been a blessing!

Traveling Route 20 instead of highways has been a blessing!

I cannot believe how beautiful Iowa is.  I remember driving through it as a teenager and all you could see were pigs and corn.  My adult eyes now see lovely, large fields of life-giving corn and soybeans.  Amazing green lush carpets of vegetation.  Peaceful scenery and huge blue skies.  Iowa, you surprised me!

One disappointment in Iowa (and it was not Iowa’s fault).  As a big Frank Lloyd Wright fan, I was thrilled to find one of his homes (The Walter Estate) in Cedar Rock.  Unfortunately, I was closed.  I was going to jump the fence but figured I did not have enough bail money if I got caught.

Nebraska's overwhelming scenery

Nebraska’s overwhelming scenery

I just drove through Nebraska, but the scenery was truly breathtaking.  The foothills in the distance, the high altitude and the overwhelming views from every angle took me by surprise.

I Love LONGMIRE!

I Love LONGMIRE!

Next stop Wyoming…I am in love with Buffalo, Wyoming and I will tell all next time.  I promise to have more stories and pictures next time.  I am learning to adapt to areas without Wi-Fi and typing in the car.  I am an old school typist and I seem to take up lots of room when I type 😦  I thought I would just pop into a Starbucks along the way and update the blog, but I have yet to see one since I left Illinois.

Thank you for your support!!!

Do Not Stop Daydreaming!!
This is not my design, but I am respectfully using it in my blog...oh how it fits perfectly!!

This is not my design, but I am respectfully using it in my blog…oh how it fits perfectly!!

Today…I am three days from launch. In three days, I will start my Epic Journey. As I sit here, I know I have not done enough to prepare, I know I am going to be forgetting something, I am seriously starting to wonder if I can do this and I am crying at every post on Facebook. What a mess I am!! I guess, though, that is a normal way for someone like me (shy and timid) to act before doing something so absolutely crazy.

I was thinking…I used to daydream of driving on the open road, never had a destination in mind, just driving with the radio blaring and the wind in my hair. Then life hit and the responsibilities started. My daydreams then became filled with things I forgot to do at work, or when I would fit a load of laundry into my schedule. As the years passed, more and more I forgot how to daydream.

One day, not too long ago, I realized that something was missing in my life. I realized that the lazy Saturday afternoons of reading a book by an open window with a slight breeze blowing had gone. I cannot remember the last time I even read a book for pleasure. After a crazy day at work, if no one was home, I used to turn up the radio loud and pretend I was on stage singing (badly, of course); that has not happened in ages. When I was down, I used to bake a batch of chocolate chip cookies and pretend that I was a kid again and that my mom made them for me like she did so many times before her passing. Sound weird? Maybe, but these were all things I did to comfort myself when I was sad and overwhelmed. Funny thing, the more sad and overwhelmed I got, the less I did these things.

Now I am at a point where I wonder if I can even let go of the responsibilities long enough to daydream again. I want this trip to turn me around and shake me up. I do not want to be the person I am now. I used to be, at least, somewhat optimistic, I used to laugh a lot more, I used to sit and think about things and now I only feel like a shell of a person with very infrequent bursts of happy. This has nothing to do with my outer life. I have an absolutely wonderful husband, great friends and family, a roof over my head, food on the table, etc. I know I am VERY blessed. This is more about the inner person, like a garden I forgot to water.

Just saying that out loud seems selfish and self-centered. That is not what I am trying to get to either. But I do not feel as if I am the person God wants me to be. I have let my past and my failures and all the negativity take away my sense of self and sense of purpose. It does sound like some babble from the 80s about “finding yourself.” It is hard to explain and yet I feel compelled to share my story in hopes that it helps just one person.

So it has become decision time…either continue on the road I was on that I can only see ending at a bitter, lonely life or make a drastic change. Keep getting angrier or finally find inner peace. Always be sick and tired or find health and vitality. Be negative all the time or feel blessed no matter what. Feel restless every single day or learn to be content in the now. These are the issues I am struggling with along with a few others. As the old saying goes…I sick and tired of being sick and tired. I need a change, I need to daydream again and I need to become a better person.

Over the years, I have gotten rid of many of my possessions. My things started to own me and I did not like that at all. Things were given away, thrown away or some were sold. I started with the things that meant the most to me because I knew it would hurt the most and it would also build the most character. Now I am down to just plain junk which no one wants. That is what I have to do inside myself; I have to get rid of the clutter and baggage that has accumulated over the years. I need a clean slate, a fresh start and a way to start over inside my own head. I am going to start by daydreaming again, go back to simpler times and enjoying the simpler things in life.

I have yet to see how the road changes me, but I think it will be an interesting ride.

Thank you for listening!!

Absence Does Not Mean Forgotten
This is not my design, but I am respectfully adding it to my blog.

This is not my design, but I am respectfully adding it to my blog.

I learned a very valuable lesson today and I wanted to pass it along. Just because you do not see someone all the time, it does not mean that you (or they) have been forgotten. Case in point: I am leaving in about six days to start my Epic Journey and my lovely and beautiful extended family organized a get-together to wish me well on the trip.

As a child, I attended many family reunions and always enjoyed seeing my Aunts, Uncles and Cousins. We would always have a good time and laughed a lot. There never was any drama and everyone always got along. There were no fights, like you hear happening so often.

Then life stepped in and things got complicated. People married, babies were born, jobs were taken, bills had to be paid and family reunions were put on the back burner due to everyday time constraints. I know this is just a process that happens to all families as priorities shift and free time becomes a premium. I did not see my extended family very often over the past years. Christmas cards and funerals seemed to be the common ground for a time.

Then the magic of Facebook reunited me with a couple of cousins, then more were friended. Then there was a forum that we found to re-connect and become involved in each other’s lives again. It was great. As my trip started to come to life, my lovely family stood behind me and offered their support. A group of us met today and even though many (many) years had passed; it was actually like no time had passed. We hugged and kissed and laughed and talked about everything. It was purely magical.

I realized on the way home, talking with Mike, that bonds that strong do not just simply go away. They continue, maybe dustier than before, but they stay strong. I have many friends from a past job that I have also kept in contact with and when we meet it is the same…like we still see each other every day.

Growing up, I loved and adored my older sister (I still do by the way). She was ten years older than me and she made the decision to go into the Air Force when she turned 17 (almost 18). She left home when I was young. She traveled the world and lived several places abroad. Her life was the life I lived vicariously through. I could never have done the things she did and her strength inspired me to believe I could take my trip now. The point is we have not seen each other a lot over the years, but yet when we talk or email (sometimes that is all we have time for), it is like we have never been apart. That is amazing to me the bonds humans have.

Today, I realize just how blessed I am to have family and friends who truly care about me and whom I care for in return. Time passes, but those bonds do not pass. Today we have unique opportunities for reconnecting and I now realize the value that those opportunities hold.   As my trip progresses, I want to keep in touch with my loved ones as I realize this trip is not just a solo journey as I originally thought, but a journey involving many more people than I ever imagined; some I have known all my life and some I have yet to meet. I get it now; I used to think if you did not see someone that they were out of your life. I could not have been more wrong. Minor pauses, if you will, are all the time apart is. Today I vow to turn off the pause button in my life and really start re-connecting with loved ones, friends, myself and God.

Thank you for listening!

Changing One’s Spots – Is it Possible to Learn to Enjoy the Journey?
This is not my photograph, I am respectfully using it for my blog.

This is not my photograph, I am respectfully using it for my blog.

When I talk to friends and strangers (who are really just new friends) about my upcoming trip, I hear a lot of the same comments:

  • “I cannot imagine just being able to do what I want?”
  • “How nice it will be to make your own schedule.”
  • “All that free time, what are you going to do with it?”

And so on…As I talk about this trip with people you can see them drift into their own imaginary world of “What if”. What if I did not have to go to my job anymore? What if could travel to wherever I wanted? What if the constraints of everyday life were gone or, at least, altered?

Many people say they envy me or are jealous of me for making this trip. Many others wish they could come with me. I understand completely what they are saying. I am blessed to be able to do this trip, but I have a confession to make. I do not know how to live this new life. I am as full of wonder as they are.

Like most everyone I know, I have worked most of my life, sometimes two jobs at one time. I have spent most of my life at the whim of other people’s schedules and deadlines. Heck, I have only taken a handful of vacations in my 53 years. I am not a world traveler; I have barely left the county I live in for several years.

One of the main purposes of this trip for me is to learn enjoy life and live in the present. I truly have no clue how to do that. I realize that I never watch sunsets or really stop and smell the flowers as I am always on my way to someplace else. Whatever I am doing right now does not matter because my mind is however many steps ahead, thinking about the next project to complete. Checking of tasks on my To-Do List has always been my goal, not enjoying the journey.

Enjoy the journey. What does that even mean? It always just seemed like one of those things you say that has no real meaning, just hollow words meant to make someone feel better. Then one day I decided to take my own advice and learn to enjoy the journey. I do not think it comes that easy to most of us who are used to dealing with daily responsibilities. It has to be a learned behavior, like walking and talking.

I am not naïve enough to think that this trip is going to be all kittens and rainbows. There is going to be stress to deal with, things are going to go wrong because they always do, money is going to be tight and I will still be worrying about what is happening on the home front. I may not be clocking into a specific workplace, but I plan to work on this trip. I need to work on changing my entire thought process, change my entire life. That, my friends, sounds like work to me.

I am scheduled to leave on my trip in seven days. In the meantime, I am still working, getting my things together for the trip, preparing the house and taking care of some things that have to be done before I leave. In other words, I am not in “Enjoy the Journey” mode yet. I am still in “Get it all Done at Any Cost” Mode.

I hope I can do this trip justice. I am banking on it for so many realizations that I need to have in my life. I want this to be a Spiritual journey, a journey into living with and on less, a journey of helping others, and all around general learning how to live a more gracious life. I hope I can live up to the goals I have set for myself without making the goals the destination. I hope I can actually learn to enjoy the journey, enjoy the day, and be honestly present for once in my life. Like I said before, I have no idea how to do this but I have to give it a try!