Living simply

How to Find a Host Family for a Farm or Home Stay

Helping Others

 

Lately, I have been talking about the Farm or Home Stays I have been participating in. I have been asked how one finds people who need HelpXers (as we are called). It is easy, through an online site called Help Exchange (or HelpX for short). The following blurb is straight from the Help Exchange Website and describes the theory behind the program much better than I ever could.

 “Welcome to Help Exchange (HelpX)

HelpX is an online listing of host organic farms, non-organic farms, farmstays, homestays, ranches, lodges, B&Bs, backpackers hostels and even sailing boats who invite volunteer helpers to stay with them short-term in exchange for food and accommodation.”

 “HelpX is provided primarily as a cultural exchange for working holiday makers who would like the opportunity during their travels abroad, to stay with local people and gain practical experience. In the typical arrangement, the helper works an average of 4 hours per day and receives free accommodation and meals for their efforts.”

The only difference is that I have decided to stay within the United States (I cannot even imagine the mess I would be if I was traveling abroad). If I was interested in traveling overseas, that would be an option. There are all kinds of working opportunities as well as locations. Some places need experienced help and others are willing to teach, train and coach you to learn a new skill.

The program is amazing as are the people who participate as Hosts. They are awesome and generous. This is a great program for young people to learn about different cultures and learn all kinds of skills, but it is turning into an option for more experienced (dare I say older) people who want to get off the corporate treadmill and start living an alternative lifestyle. I have run into more and more “older” couples who want to ditch the mortgage and the stuff and hit the road.

HelpX is a great way to give back and pay forward. It opens doors to let the participants help each other as well as people who are in need of assistance. I want my life to start being about others instead of always being about me (if you have read past posts, it really is all about me).

So what have I learned so far from my HelpX experience: (1) How to lay field stone and gravel to make a mud-free walkway, (2) How to make better a better food product by using sustainable and organic means, (3) How to paint a porch, (4) Goats are really fun to take care of, (5) How to make coffee with a French Press, (6) The more you move the better you feel, (7) After all these years, I am still allergic to hay, (8) Some outside people do not understand the concept and are not trusting of your motives and so much more. This journey has just begun, so I am looking forward to what other lessons I will be learning. Here’s to a wild ride!!

The Weird Alternate Universe That is The Laundromat

laundromat no 2

I love going to the laundromat; it is like “me” time when it is not busy. Now when the laundromat is busy, it is a different story. A few weeks ago, I found the Hilton (or, at least, the high-end Holiday Inn) of laundromats.   It was a Saturday night, when I suppose other people actually have places to be, and I was able to do my laundry without much fanfare. I was able to read a book guilt-free; I mean what else are you going to do? The experience was truly relaxing and nothing out of the ordinary.

I went to the same laundromat a week later and it was a completely different story. The “mat” was full of people with LOTS of laundry. One couple was using eight double-capacity dryers….how many clothes is that? I cannot even imagine folding and putting all those clothes away. I can do all my clothes in a single load which is one advantage of living with less!!

So I made a beeline to the back of the mat by the dryers where no one else wanted to sit. It was too loud to read, so I have to come up with something else to do to take up the time. The day was grey and rainy, which made the overhead fluorescent lights seemed extra bright while the spinning ceiling fans made an eerie strobe light effect on the shocking light.

I became hypnotized by the circular hum of the dryers as the clothes crashed against each other like waves in the ocean. I have never seen a washer that was front loading, so I was completely enthralled with actually being able to watch my clothes being washed; going round in circles watching them spin, then fill with soapy water, and spin again. The surrounding sounds of voices turned to a dull murmur.

My world right now is definitely in flux. Moving from place to place and relying on the kindness of people I do not really know at first. Sleeping in guest rooms, sharing bathrooms, and living out of a tote are some of the things that are new to me. Yes, it is what I wanted but I never thought about all of the realities. It is all good, I am getting used to it but I realized that the little laundromat I visited felt like home. Most laundromats have the same industrial look to them and smell like dryer sheets and fabric softener. It was truly comforting. I actually looked for excuses to go back.

My newest realization is that no matter how adamant you are about leaving your past behind, you still inwardly long for those small vestiges of comfort or reminders of a different time. For me, right now, it is the laundromat that gives me a sense of home and roots. I know that sounds really strange but it is my truth for now. Here’s to clean clothes, the fresh smell of clean laundry and the feeling of home!!

laundromat

Thank you for listening.

What Happens When You Try Too Hard To Fit In?
I do not own this image, but I am respectfully using it in my blog.

I do not own this image, but I am respectfully using it in my blog.

I am quirky, I get it.  I have always had this thing about not making trouble for anyone, not being a bother.  I tried to always fit in with the group I was with at the time as I was petrified of being different.  I could cuss like a sailor or be as quiet as a church mouse.  I could talk cars (a little bit anyway) or exchange recipes.  I was delusional that everyone always liked me; why wouldn’t they, I was just like them.  Then one day I had an epiphany that there were people who did not care for me and I was blown away.  How could they not like me I was trying so hard to fit in?

So what happens when you try too hard to fit in?  I think I realized it today.  You are not authentic, everything in your life is based on some constantly moving scale of normalcy.  Playing nice does not necessarily mean you are a nice person.  Honestly, I have no idea if I am a nice person, I play the part everyday with the theory of “Fake it Until You Make it.”  I am not saying that I am a serial killer or a puppy abuser, but I talk and talk about being authentic and yet I have no idea what that means.

My sojourn was supposed to show me that.  I kept saying that I had lost myself and that I needed to find myself again, but I did not really know what I meant by that.  I just knew something was not right.  Every day my life gets a little clearer regarding what is wrong with it (a painful process); answers, however, are not as forthcoming.  I sit and try to be grateful for everything I have, yet my life feels like I am wearing the wrong size clothing.  Metaphorically speaking, I do have clothes to be thankful for,  but they are uncomfortable and do not fit right so I am ugly and unhappy even though I should be grateful.

I know this blog should be lighter and more playful, but that is also something I cannot do at this time.  I apologize if you are reading this thinking “get over yourself”, but the idea from the start was to open some doors and find some truths.  I have opened doors but the truths are still lurking in the dark.  I am sorry.

My next objective, try not to try so hard.  I do not even know if I know how to do that.  I want so badly to be everything to everyone, for I think that will make me happy.  But that is an illusion that can never happen and it is exhausting.  What good would it do to be accepted by everyone?  Would it not mean that somewhere along the line I buckled against something, large or small that I stood for, in order to not rock the boat or cause a stir?

All my life, one statement has been consistent in my vocabulary…”I’m sorry.”  I’m sorry I bought the wrong brand of coffee.  I’m sorry I did not wear the right outfit.  I’m sorry I spoke my mind and get someone upset.  I’m sorry I tried something new and it did not work out (add it to my failure list).  I’m sorry I folded the laundry incorrectly.  It does not matter what the situation, I am always sorry.  I said I was sorry this morning for something totally insignificant and it felt like my heart broke in two and I have been crying ever since.  It is like that last “I’m sorry” was the key to open a new door.  I am tired of being sorry for everything that happens.

Where do I go from here?  As usual, there is no real plan. I guess I better take a few baby steps today. I have to up my own self-worth.  Apparently I feel I cannot accomplish even the simplest of tasks without doing it wrong and being sorry.  So I have to start looking for accomplishments.  No more walking on eggshells everywhere I go.  I have found that the harder you try to be “perfect” the more mistakes you make, so no more trying to be perfect.  That should be enough for today.  I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, but I am going to start being open to those lurking truths.

Thank you for listening and following the exploits of an unsure, dorky girl.  I appreciate all of you!!  What is the rule for today:  DON’T TRY TOO HARD TO FIT IN…you are just right the way you are!!  Who is with me?

What is it Like Working on a Farm/Home Stay?
Just a few of the tools I used this weekend. Okay, maybe not the hammer.

Just a few of the tools I used this weekend. Okay, maybe not the hammer.

I have had a few inquiries into what it is like to work on a Farm/Home Stay.  This is only our second one, but I am thinking it will be similar in other places.  First, it really depends on what the Host is looking for in terms of work to be done.  Many of the stays we have looked at include fixing thing, gardening, caring for livestock, building barns and other buildings, cutting trails, clearing land, painting and general farm work.  In return for this work, the “help-x’er” (that’s us) will receive room or a place to pitch a tent and sometimes meals.  Each Host decides how many hours a week is needed (usually between 20 and 32).  Many of the hosts do not require a lot of experience, this process is designed to expose people to things in order for them to learn something new.  It is really quite a unique program.

Then there is us.  I cannot verify this fact for sure, but I think we are fairly old compared to other help-x’ers.  But Mike has a lot of varied experience; so when seasoned help is needed, he is the guy to call.  I, on the other hand, have spent the last 30 years or so working behind a desk.  I can paint a little and do some things, but my skill set is not in huge demand.

Last weekend was a good example of a typical home stay workload.  Mike was involved in doing some brush clearing, tree trimming, raking of leaves, and other landscaping-like tasks.  The weather was nice, so it seemed like the perfect set of tasks to start on.  While I worked in the house a little bit, doing general cleaning and some cooking.  Then on Sunday while Mike was trimming I started to paint the house around the front door and Mike ended up finishing it.  After working all day and having a meal together, our Host Family invited us to join them in watching a movie.

It is a lovely mix of varied work and being social.  Some Farm/Home Stays simply want the work done and afterwards you are on your own.  That is fine too.  That is why it is so important to read Host profiles and reviews to see if a particular stay is the right fit for everyone.  We have been extremely lucky with our two Farm/Home Stays, as the people could not have been nicer or more generous.  I am fortunate that my “Martha Stewart” skills are being put to use; even though they were not detailed in the profile, it turns out our busy working mom Host can use an extra hand.  I am so very happy to help.

I am not sure how long we will be doing this bartering for room and board, but for now it is a wonderful experience.  We are meeting some of the most interesting people along the way.  Every day there is something new to learn from our Hosts.  Although the process can be a little daunting for someone like me (basically who hates to be out of their comfort zone), it is the most blessed of experiences as it makes me do things that are uncomfortable (not in a bad way) and is making me stronger for it.

I hope that painted a generous picture of what it is like.  If you have any specific questions, feel free to let me know and I will be more than happy to answer them.

I am sure each situation is unusual, but that is just an example of what we have experienced in our three weeks of Farm/Home Staying.  Thank you for listening!!

How Much Comfort do You Need in a Comfort Zone?
I do not need a room with a view, I need a room with a door.

I do not need a room with a view, I need a room with a door.

As I make my way down this new road I am taking, I am faced with the fact that my well-known comfort zone (my home) is no longer available to me for comfort.  I now have to find a place of comfort somewhere else.  This has been difficult for me.  I am considered a “Highly Sensitive Person”, which means basically that I am easily overwhelmed by light, sounds, commotion, and other external stimuli.  I need a place to go when things get to be too much.  I always ran to my home for that comfort but after many years of that I started to feel that my home had gone from comfort zone to prison.  I say prison because, at times, it became easier to not leave at all then to face the world.

The view from the front door of our latest farm stay. North Carolina is beautiful!

The view from the front door of our latest farm stay. North Carolina is beautiful!

For now, I do not have a permanent place to live and, therefore, no permanent comfort zone.  I have been blessed thus far on my journey that I have had a room that I could retreat into when I felt overwhelmed.  I took all that for granted for many years, now I realize that is a luxury.  A room with a door….what a lovely sight that is for me now.  A place where I can be quiet and breathe, away from anything happening on the other side of the door.

This view is my new comfort zone.

This view is my new comfort zone.

I used to think that my comfort zone had to be this place where I was in control of all things.  I cooked my way, I cleaned my way (although I gave up on that a while back), I did everything my way.  I realize now that it was the “control” as well as the quiet that was my comfort.

Even Devi loves North Carolina.

Even Devi loves North Carolina.

Having “control” of things is like having a false sense of hope.  It is just not real.  Life does what it does and you really do not have that much control.  Okay, you may control how often you do laundry or what to make for dinner but the big decisions seem to be out of your control.  I walked on eggshells for years thinking if I had everything in place that my life would finally be perfect.  I would try to control something and another thing seemingly fell apart.  I was afraid to rock the cosmic boat for fear that all things would just come tumbling down.  Now that all “that” is gone, I can see a little clearer.  I lived in constant fear…every day and of everything.  It is no wonder I was never happy.  I wish I could have seen that before, things may have been different.  Or maybe they had to be this way in order for me to see them.

So I am learning to find my comfort where I can find it; I am learning to be more resilient and flexible (which is NOT me); I am learning to let go of what little control I have and learn how to do things differently; I am learning that making a new life is harder than I thought it would be but is very doable.

I do not own this image but I am respectfully using it in my blog.

I do not own this image but I am respectfully using it in my blog.

I always used to say “Let Go and Let God” but, honestly, I had no idea. It sounded good in theory and I was sure that was something I could do at another time but not then because I was still in control. Now I make the latest plans, think of all the contingencies and try to make it come to fruition….and the plans never seem to work out. I need to remember to let go and go with the flow. Mike is amazing at doing that, me…not so much. But I do not think I will ever find peace unless I truly and honestly completely let go.

Here is to letting go of useless control (it never got me anywhere good anyway) and to find life exciting instead of scary; scary being a place a had to hide from. If I can just see the adventure in all this, maybe having a comfort zone might not be that important anymore. Here is to letting go of the woobie!!

Thank you for listening!!

Farm Stay #1 — Near Bowling Green, Kentucky
This is not Kentucky. I misplaced my Kentucky pics, so I hope you enjoy North Carolina.

This is not Kentucky. I misplaced my Kentucky pics, so I hope you enjoy North Carolina.

Now that things are finally starting to calm down a bit, I hope to post more about our Farm / Home Stays.  As I noted in previous posts, Mike and I are basically without a permanent home and now have very few possessions.  We cannot afford to stay in hotel/motels, and we cannot seem to get an apartment without having some sort of employment (go figure, right?).  So we had to think outside the box and Mike came up with a great idea.  Farm/Home Stays.

Basically, what we are doing is volunteering a someone’s farm or home to do work (a predetermined number of hours a week) in exchange for room and meals.  We do buy some of the food as it only seems fair.  The first Farm Stay was only for a weekend, but our current one may go a few weeks.  In the meantime, Mike is contacting other people who might need help in order to line up our next stay.

We are lucky because Mike has quite a few skills that make him valuable on a farm or doing home repairs.  I, on the other hand, have spent most of my life sitting behind a desk and typing for a living.  I fear that my skills are not quite as in demand.  Luckily though, many years ago I went through my “Martha Stewart” phase so I have some homemaking skills that I can use.  But I still feel very unsure of myself.  One wants to be sure that they pull their own weight when doing a Farm / Home Stay.

Anyway, our first Farm Stay was with a lovely family just outside of Bowling Green, Kentucky.  Our Host, runs a small farm with cows, pigs, sheep, chickens, bees, dogs and cats.  She utilizes farming techniques from the 30s and 40s, which she taught herself.  Her animals are treated so well, they are actually stress-free.  They roam in beautiful green pastures (she moves them often so the land stays in good condition) and are tended to in a loving fashion.

I, like many of you, have watched the Big Farm documentaries and have some knowledge of the horrific practices some corporate farms use in order to feed people at a profit for themselves.  I used to think myself as frugal until this short Farm Stay.  They use EVERYTHING, nothing is wasted.  They have reverence for the Earth and its bounty and the Earth seems to be shining on them for their great stewardship.

I cannot begin to fathom all the things I learned in that 2 1/2 day stay.   I am still trying to come back from a really bad anemic episode, so I am still feeling weak and very low.  We talked how our food was designed to heal us but instead the processed foods we eat are doing the opposite.  I know my body has a difficult time up-taking nutrients, and the human body was not designed for that.  Everything I thought I knew about food has changed.

It is amazing how you can meet someone for a short time and they can leave such an imprint on your life.  Our host did that.  I feel so honored to have met her and her family and to have seen her farm.  Their way of life is SO different from the way Mike and I have lived in the past, but now we are open to these types of experiences.  I am generally a germaphobe by nature, but I have to step outside of any kind of comfort zone that I know in order to live in these other people’s lives.  It is a true test for me.

I envy Mike as he just jumps in, no matter what and adapts.  I am slower to adapt, but I am trying very hard to be the person who “rolls with it Baby.”  I can see now that these experiences are going to be the ones that teach me about life.  I thought the road trip was going to teach me about life and about God, but now I see it is going to be living with people who were strangers in the beginning (friends in the end) and living a life that is not mine.  That is going to change me.  That is where my knowledge will come.  I stayed insulated in my little world for so many years, now that is all gone and I have to find my way in a world that I know little about.  It is scary but actually very exciting.

We are officially a week and two days into our new life and things seem different already.  I cannot wait to write more about it as I spend some trying time trying to figure it all out.  Please stay tuned because things are going to get very real!!!!!

Thank you for listening!

Living with Too Much Stuff
I do not own this image but I am using it respectfully.

I do not own this image but I am using it respectfully.

Last Friday, Mike and I rolled out of our driveway, the same driveway I have driven up and down for 47 years, for the last time.  We have spent the last few weeks giving away, throwing away and donating most of our belongings.  We have decided to start a new journey that involves living with much less; which also means not having a house any longer.  It is a huge change from what we are used to.

Our first stop was a farmstay in Bowling Green, Kentucky (a really great place – I will write a post about our stay).  I knew by the time we got there that we had brought too much stuff. The back of Devi was full and we even had to leave some things behind because there was no room left in the car.  Luckily our host was getting ready to donate some clothes to a local charity and we asked if we could donate some things also.

The point is not what great people we are for donating stuff, the point is actually that we realized on the second day of our new life that we still had stuff we could live without.  I began thinking why I had to have these few items and I could not remember for the life of me what I was thinking.  So we have decided to pare down even more.

Now I am looking at the stuff I still have and I am wondering what I can part with.  Do I really need four mini-sewing kits?  Probably not seeing as I do not know how to sew.  Do I need my set of 3 lb. weights for working out my arms?  Probably not, since they have so much dust on them from non-use, they made me sneeze.  Journals, I have several and I usually write everything on-line.  They sit in a box just waiting for me to hand-write things again.  I see now that I can actually get rid of more stuff.

So this new journey involves a conscious effort to live with less stuff.  I dreamed it would be easier than it is, but as with any learning experience, it hurts but it will be worth it in the long run.

Phase Two: Fresh Starts and New Beginnings in North Carolina
I do not own this image, but I am respectfully using it in my blog.

I do not own this image, but I am respectfully using it in my blog.

Many things have changed since coming back from my journey.  Since everything was in flux, I was not really able to discuss the changes, but now I can.  This is actually Phase 2 of my Epic Journey.  The first part was the trip itself.  While I was actually doing the trip, I felt it was yet another of my failures, but in retrospect, it has actually prepared me for this new phase.  I learned things that I did not realize until later and the difficult experiences made me realize that I am not quite as soft as I thought I was.

Over the past few weeks, Mike and I have been cleaning out our belongings.  Getting rid of anything that is non-essential.  We had decided to live our lives more consciously and without a lot of physical entanglements.  I have lived in this same house for about 48 years and it has accumulated much stuff.  Getting rid of the stuff has proved to be much more difficult than I had ever imagined.  It is not so much the getting rid of it, but finding a home for the stuff when everyone is buried under their own stuff and just the sheer volume of things to get rid of has been quite a hurdle.  I decided a while ago that I was tired of the stuff owning me and now I am finally getting to a point where that will not be the case any longer.  If it does not fit in Devi, it does not go with us.

At the end of this week, we will be starting a completely new life.  We are going to be leaving this home and our home state for a new location in North Carolina.  During this entire process, Mike and I have talked and talked about everything and what we feel we need at this point in our lives.  Years of being one lost paycheck away from disaster has taken its toll, stress has made us sick and it seems we may have actually forgotten how to live.

Part of Phase One was to try a farmstay out in Oregon, but due to unforeseen situations, that never came to pass.  We decided that we would give the farmstay idea another try in North Carolina.  The idea is to connect, through an organization called Help Exchange, volunteers (that would be us) with people who are in need of assistance either on their farms or teaching facilities.  Tasks are detailed and volunteers are usually give room and board in exchange for the jobs they will do.  It is a great symbiotic working relationship because the people in need receive the assistance they desire and the volunteers are given the opportunity to give back while having a roof over their heads.  These stays can be short-term or long-term, it all depends on what is needed.

We actually have a couple of exciting stays lined up for the next few months.  There are about ten opportunities just in the location we are looking at, so the opportunities seem good for now.  We will be nomadic for the next few months; if we like the options, we may stay that way indefinitely.

As the blog starts the next phase, it will still be about self-discovery but now it will also be about something more than just me.  We will be meeting people who are living outside the box and who will, hopefully, teach us how to do the same.  My eyes are going to be opened to new ways of life that I never even imagined before.  The plan is to live lighter, live healthier and to live simpler.

Leaving everything we know and leaving my ultimate comfort zone is proving to be a challenge.  But I could sit in the same place for the rest of my life and play it safe like I have done for so long.  I could watch myself get more and more depressed because my fears and doubts would be running my life or I can step outside and start living.  It is time to start living and helping others.  I wanted my Epic Journey to give me answers to how to live my life, it seemed to only give me more questions, but now I see that when asked the right questions, the answers start to fall into place.

I wanted to thank everyone again who supported my trip.  It was life changing and I could never have done it without your support.  I hope you will stay tuned to find out about this new adventure.  We should be on our first short farmstay by the weekend.  I am looking forward to it (I am scared to death) and I hope you will walk this new path with me.  Thank you for listening.

Pursuing Happiness
I do not own this image but I am respectfully using it in my blog.

I do not own this image but I am respectfully using it in my blog.

Foreword:  Before I start, please let me explain that I am not complaining in this post.  I am simply stating a fact that I have found happiness to be a somewhat elusive beast in my life. I will not give up looking for it though.

I just want to be happy.  I do not expect to be “over the moon” every day of my life but I would like to have more happy days than sad.  It is a pursuit that I have been chasing for years.

I tried being a slacker and I tried being an overachiever.  I tried buying everything I could find to fill the void and I tried owning nothing.  I tried being single and being married.  I tried being “Suzy Homemaker” and I tried being all business.  I tried higher education and I tried lower expectations.  I tried selling adult toys and I tried selling Christian books.

I tried being an art snob, reading books way over my comprehension level, feminism, and politics.  I tried being an Earth Mother and being concerned about the environment.  I almost tried raising chickens, but I am not good with poop of any kind, so that did not work.  I went to one cooking class, one bellydance class, one yoga class, one Martial Arts class, and one craft class.  I have owned businesses and closed businesses (I mean my own not someone else’s).

I drank a lot of alcohol and gave it up.  I smoked cigarettes and gave them up.  I swore like a sailor, okay I still do that.  I exercised but never stuck with it.  I took prescription meds and I stopped taking them.  I rode a motorcycle, drove a Jeep and went soaring.  I recently tried travel as a way to escape and found I was wrong about that too.

Well, you get the point.  Finding your true authentic self is very hard work.  I have bumbled down many a dead end street just looking for myself.  It should not be this hard.  I often wonder if other people have this problem.  Does it show that I cannot “stick” with anything or am I just not right in “my skin” yet?

I do understand the difference between happiness and joy.  Happiness is situational and joy is something you feel all the time no matter what you are going through.  So in reality I am truly seeking joy because you cannot count on situations or other people to make you happy.  It has come from within.  I just wish I could find a comfortable place in which to experience joy.  Then again, maybe that is the point of it.  If you find it, what is there to look for after that?  Maybe pursuing it is the important part.  I just do not know.  I want to know but I must be too stupid to figure it out.

I guess in the meantime, I will wake up in the morning (God willing), pray about it and go about trying to be a better person.  I guess I will keep trying things, experimenting and searching.  There must be a reason our forefathers mentioned the “pursuit of happiness” rather than a right to be happy.  Today starts a new day, a new season (it is the first official day of Fall), and new to-do lists designed to help me find my true self.  Instead of trying so hard to find happiness, maybe I will try to start enjoying the journey to happiness.  Easier said than done, I know, but I have to try.

God’s Healing Hands

God's Healing HandsThere are so many things going on in my life right now, so many changes.  Though I am trying to walk a new path, I sometimes doubt myself and my strength to do this.  I feel like I cannot go on, but then I realize that it is the fire that purifies and on the other side of these trials is the hope of peace and healing.  I need to take the focus off of me and focus on God.