As of today, I’m done. I’m not living with this any longer. That damn voice in my head is being evicted.
I don’t know if you have this problem. If you do, you may want to join me in having an eviction party for that annoying voice that resides in your head.
I have had enough sleepless nights, where I wake up for no particular reason except to feel bad about something I did or said or didn’t do in my past. There is always a knot in my stomach and an overall feeling of dread.
I am so tired of reliving those mistakes. If you have read any of my past posts, you will see that I have made many mistakes in my life. I floundered for years trying to overcome a reckless youth and then just being clueless for most of my 20s and 30s.
I did not know some of the basics of life. My parents did the best they could, but I came along a little bit later in their lives and things were changing for them. Maybe they assumed I just knew how to behave, but I didn’t. And I did very little to overcome that until later in life.
I’m not making excuses, I own up to all the bad decisions and the pitiful paths I walked. I have searched for redemption and received it. I have tried to make some things better and other things I just left alone.
There are days and nights I am just torchured. But I have to call it quits. I have learned from my missteps and am continuing to become a better person, I just do not have the energy any more to fight and struggle with things that I cannot change at this point. Too many sleepless nights, too many tearful days. Too many stomach aches and too many anxiety attacks.
The voice needs to go. I want to keep the voice that puts me on the high road and is always correcting and teaching me. That voice is productive. The other one full of angst and self-loathing has to go. There is no longer anything productive that can come from that behavior. Choices were made then and choices to overcome those choices are my new choice.
Voice, your bags are packed. I do not care where you go, you just can’t stay here. I believe in the redemptive blood and it is time I get over myself and finally move forward in a positive way.
I doubt I am the only one who struggles with this. If you do, please do not torchure yourself any longer. Take the lessons you have learned and move on.
As you age the days pass quicker and things you once thought important lose some of their luster. You realize what is important and that is the path we all must follow. The path to better human beinghood, and world citizenship. Sitting around beating yourself up, is a dead end path.
The door is open, don’t let it hit you on the way out. You stupid voice, be gone and never darken my door again.
Good luck, start giving yourself a break here and there. Don’t forget to find your happiness.