A few months ago, I gave up on this blog. I ran out of things to say and, truthfully, I lost my ability to be positive. We all have our Covid story and here is mine.
In early March 2020, I had just celebrated my second year anniversary at a job I loved and was looking forward to retiring from that job in five years. Since my husband and I had been sharing a car for quite some time, we decided it was the perfect time to buy a new one for me.
I was nervous about a car payment but the future did look bright so we did it. Within two weeks I was furloughed from work due to covid. But honestly, I thought it was only going to last a couple of weeks, then a month, then two and so on.
At first, I thought of all the things I could do that I hadn’t had time for. I took a nap a day and then two or three. As the furlough continued I slept more and did less. I would have anxiety attacks every morning as I worried about the world’s state of affairs and as I tried to value my own self worth.
Due to a few health risks, I barely left the apartment. Mike did all the grocery shopping and I did all the cooking. I had cooked most of my life, but never was really good at it. We had made the decision to not do any carry out at all.
As you can imagine, my ten or so go to recipes got old fast. My self esteem began to plummet. I felt less than useless. Then the reality set in that I would not have a place at my beloved job anymore. The depression was deep. I was afraid, and probably still am, of this new world we live in and I didn’t seem to fit in anywhere.
Then I got sick and became so weak that I could not even do small tasks. I had a small surgery thinking it would make me feel well again but the recovery time was longer than expected. Luckily, my health insurance was still in effect for that time. Now I’m back to none but I have learned about alternatives which we can talk about later.
I really wondered why I was here. Just taking up space. Then one day Mike planted a container garden on our porch and asked me to tend to it. I agreed but wondered what the point was. It all seemed so hopeless. Things began to sprout and it started to renew my outlook.
I thought I would quit looking at social media so much, and decided to learn something new. Gradually my outlook changed. I found a chef on line who has absolutely inspired me. I started cooking healthier meals as my strength came back so did my self-esteem.
I started using my planner to figure out cleaning chores so they all get done timely. I started planning meals and shopping lists a week in advance. I realized that I did and do have value. I coined myself the Apartment Homesteader because I started doing everything home made. Turns out there is already an Apartment Homesteader. But that’s ok.
I slowly realized that this is what makes me happy. We are eating healthier and saving loads of money over eating out, which we did a lot. I’m learning new skills all the time. I have a part time job at an organic grocery and have access to locally grown foods.
A few months ago I felt that I had lost all my value as a person. I wondered what I was going to do. Then new doors opened. I felt that where I was before was my only option, but as I should know by now, there are always other options.
So I thought I would write the blog some more. It will be different and if you want to unfollow it, I certainly understand. This blog has had as many changes as my life has had…and that’s a lot. This is a new and fun stage. Homemaking has always been my true calling, sorry to anyone that offends. I thought I would write about the things I’m learning and the wonders I’m seeing.
If you are going through a tough time right now, please please find someone to talk to that can help you. I thought the world looked completely bleak but the sun did come out along with the realization that the world was different now but still negotiable. Don’t give up!! Now is the time to think outside the box.
I’m back and it feels good. Please be safe out there and be sure to find your own happiness! Talk to you soon!