I have said many times that I was done with this blog, but today is the day it ends. I realize that there are more than enough people who feel the need to express every opinion on every subject. That person, I do not want to be. So I am signing off, but with one last thought. If you will indulge me.

I have been sick yet again. I just cannot seem to be able to hold onto my health for any period of time. I have tried supplements, eating better, sleeping better and other things. They have, no doubt, helped but it has not been enough. Frustrated I am.

Today I realized what is my main illness. Complacency. My spirit is anemic as well as my body. I realize where my many blessings come from but I am not living properly. I say the right words but then depend on myself.

I became a follower of Jesus at the age of 16. Anyone who has read my words knows that I was lost and continued to be for the next few decades. I chased things and ego and pride. I thought if I worked hard enough I would get the mega blessings from God.

I read the Bible, did Bible studies, and listened to Christian radio when I had the time. Never consistently. I never attended a church for any period of time. I just felt it was not for me. I’m an introvert and church caused me anxiety. I realize now that my anxiety was a small price to pay to be a true believer. I often took the wrong roads in life. This is a great example.

Then came the losses. Family, friends, jobs, and things. I thought if I lost it all my spirit would soar. But I always tried to fix it myself. Prideful as ever.

As I sit here today and look at what the last few years have brought all of us, I see the brokenness in my spirit and of the world as a whole. I expected blessings just because I was trying to be a better person when I felt good enough or if I had the time. That’s not to say that I actively tried to be a bad person, I was just being complacent.

Jesus said we shall worship none other than Him. I have worshipped many others before Him. Movie stars, singers, people I tried to be like, as well as those things that owned me. I was not being true to my faith.

Today I realize that trying to be a better person is not enough. That stand relies on my own abilities. That is surely not good enough. I am fallable and self-serving. I have to look upwards. I am not sure what this looks like but I can no longer be a Christian with no substance. It’s been 42 years since I said that prayer to know Jesus. I should have progressed further than this.

I realize this might not make a lick of sense but it is a new path , the only path, I have to take. I need to heal my spirit and be a follower of Jesus. Many do not believe in such things. To that point, I understand. When He walked the earth as a man, He was neglected and abused. How much more today?

I want to be part of some sort of solution rather than be part of the problem. Maybe if I can heal myself, than there is the possibility for everyone. The pain of the world today is unbearable. Man’s inhumanity is brutal beyond words. The daily losses try to kill the spark on the inside. I don’t know how, but I have to keep that spark, that light, bright for everyone to see.

If you do not agree with me, that is your right. I am not looking for name calling or verbal attacks. There are more than enough of those to go around. This is not that forum.

So as I close, I want to thank everyone who has followed this crazy blog from the start or any place in between. You have made this experiment quite fun.

Today, one less voice will be heard from. One less unsolicited opinion will be given. Hopefully the words will turn to actions. I pray for our world today, even if you loath me for the prayer. I believe in God the Father, His Son and the Holy Spirit. Let them guide me today and always.

Thank you for all your love. Your light has comforted me so many times and ways.