Today I was lazy.  I had no expectations of the day and I made no apologies.  I have been working hard and I am learning that on those infrequent and glorious days off that one can be lazy.  I got up late.  Ate breakfast.  Did the few chores on my to do list and spent the rest of the day reading and binge watching Entourage.  Did I feel bad about my lack of inactivity?  Yes, at first.  Then I realized how rejuvenating the down time felt.  

My old life certainly did not allow for laziness whatsoever.  Don’t get me wrong, I had days where my only movement was using the remote to switch to a new episode of whatever show I was obsessing about at the time.  But during those times, money was tight due to all the debt I had, I always had things to tend to in the hopes of making a few extra dollars and the amount of housework grew faster than I could keep up with.  I had too much stuff and it always required my attention. So lazy days filled me with overwhelming guilt. 

I used to dream of what it would feel like to be out from under the drowning weight of all the stuff, all the possessions.  I dreamt of how freeing it must be to not be owned by things.  I really had no idea what it would actually be like.  I imagined days free to write or read with no guilt.  I wished for a day when I could do very little and enjoy the heck out of it without feeling like a total slacker.  

Finally I am to a point where those dreams have come true and it’s better than I could have imagined.  Before,  work was so taxing because of all the pressures I had that I could not enjoy my work or my off time. Without the stuff or the burden of stuff I can actually enjoy work, free time and lazy days.  Now I’m not talking about never doing anything on my days off; I’m talking about a day once in a while full of naps, good books, movies, or whatever one gets pleasure from. To be able to enjoy sitting in the sun reading a book (ok, I never sit in the sun or outside for that matter, I meant it metaphorically) without feeling pulled by the never ending to do list.

Without all the stuff I can keep up with chores even better than I ever could which affords me a lazy day here and there. This was my first lazy day without guilt in years. I did not plan it, it just happened. Man, it felt good!

I now see the importance of being lazy on occasion. It refreshes the soul and rejuvenates the body.  I used to think it was wrong to not be busy all the time.  No wonder I felt burned out every day.  My body was tired and my soul was malnourished.  It’s no wonder I was rarely ever happy and sick all the time.  No room to be lazy = being sick and tired.

I certainly enjoyed my day full of nothingness. I am looking forward to the next one.  I believe it may be a while but now that I have had a taste of that freedom, I will enjoy it more and without guilt.