Everyone who lived through 9/11 has a story to tell.  We all remember where we were that morning and how much fear and sadness was felt.  There are many other writers who will give this anniversary a much better telling than I ever could.  But the date still effects me.  I think of all the lives lost and all the lives changed….forever.  I love America and I am honored to live here but I am still sad.  

During times of crisis we pull together, that’s what Americans do. But today seems as we are pulling the very fabric of our world apart with hatred, entitlement, and lack of spiritual center.  I do not claim to have any answers; I’m as lost as anyone.  But it seems we, as a society, have lost something of utmost importance.  It could be respect, kindness, empathy…the keys that make human beings more evolved, for lack of a better word.

Although history tells the story of mankind being full of anger, rage and injustice.  It all started shortly after the beginning of time. One bite of an apple and it was all downhill.  Groups of people, all nationalities and genders, enslaved and treated unjustly. We learn about the atrocities in school, see them played out for entertainment in movies, read about them, and even lived through a few. Yet, here we are today, fifteen years after the most catastrophic world event my generation ever lived through, and I do not feel we are any closer to even living slightly in harmony.  

I know there are bad people out there plotting bad things to do to their fellow humans.  There are people who feel so oppressed that they feel killing is their only answer. I don’t know how to deal with those issues.  I can barely make it through a day sometimes, let alone know how to fix that.  I struggle with the thought of working on yourself and your world as a way of making a difference. Can that really work in this day and age?  I can only hope so.  Small changes don’t seem like enough to me, but it’s all I have and all I can do.  I cannot institute international policies or stop the bad things from happening.  I can only work to be a better person to those around me and hope it spreads.  I can pray for peace and resolution and have faith that it will change.

9/11 was a life-changing event that has, forever, changed our worldview. We are all a little more suspicious and fearful.  Uncertainty has become a close companion to all of us.  In the back of our minds we wonder if or when it will happen again. Many have said this before me, but our innocence was lost fifteen years ago. You just never get that back and that is a sad, sad thing to live with.  I’m helpless to make it all better, but I can work on myself. I can be a better person and I can turn back to God.  

I will be completely honest.  God and I have had our share of moments.  I was mad at Him for years, I doubted Him and I lived a life against Him.  During those times, I was a horrible human being.  I had no regard for anyone but me.  Part of my journey was to try to find God again with a clean slate, without as much of the baggage as I could get rid of.  I’m slowly reconnecting and it makes me want to be better. Without Him, I am truly nothing.  I know a lot of people disagree with any religious stance, but I am living in God’s grace today and I know it’s different.  Apart from God I was more like the world than I even care to admit.  With Him, I do see hope for today and for the future.  Feel free to disagree with me, but in my mind pulling closer to God is my way of changing my world.  And that is all I can do.  

My thoughts and prayers are with those people personally affected by the events of 9/11.  I can never understand their pain and loss.  I can only hope that their pain is not felt in vain or that their losses are ever diminished.  I pray we continue to learn from this event and strive to be better.