Anyone who knows me can attest to the fact that I tend to be a little obsessive at times.  My obsession with Dean Winchester is now going on almost nine years (if you have to ask….). But long, long before that character was even born I became an avid Bad Company fan. I had all their records, yes vinyl, knew all the words to all the songs and read the liner notes forward and backwards.
During the time before music videos and all access passes, I loved this band without ever really seeing them. They may have appeared on television but not on any of the three channels we got at our house.  There was no magic lighting, no auto-tune and no stylized outfits…just great music and great lyrics played by talented individuals.  

Then the 1980s came and I fell under the spell of the magic world of videos and over-saturation of musicians.  For a time I forgot my real first loves, which included Bad Co., Foghat and the like. Beautiful videos by George Michael and Whitney Houston swayed me away.  We all know what happened after that, in my opinion, a musical dry spell. 

This where Dean Winchester appears.  It turns out that Dean’s favorite musical genre is classic rock as in music from the 1970s.  Hearing those songs on the show took me back to a time i had forgotten. I slowly started to reintroduce myself to songs that kept me company during my turbulent teen years. Songs I danced to, dreamt to and even cried to.  It felt like going home after a long absence. It just fit. 

One day I am listening to an audio-only recording of Paul Rodgers singing “Gone Gone Gone” live at the Hard Rock in Las Vegas. He proceeds to sing a few babies and darlings into the lyrics. My face flushed a little in embarrassment. Let’s face it, he cannot be a young man and he is still using those words in songs. I thought maybe looking back would become a little bit hard to take.  A few weeks later I saw that same concert was on television, so I decided to watch it with every intent on feeling uneasy about the old guy on stage.

I could not have been more wrong. Paul came on the stage healthy, vibrant and ready to rock.  He literally owned the stage. The babies and darlings now fit in context and added to his allure. No old man vibe here. And a voice that sounded better than back in the day.

Last year, my husband surprised me with VIP tickets to see the band live. They hit the stage and the only word I could use to describe the performance was perfection. I am still in awe today.

So what does this have to do with my epic journey?  I have started to really look at people I admire and see how they act. Paul did not once appear on stage looking like an apology.  He commanded the stage and every one of us in the audience with a quiet confidence. He did not have to tell anyone how good he is, we already knew.  That confidence was like pure sex appeal. You could not look away.  It was magical.

Princess Diana had that same confidence as she aged and her beauty blossomed. There are many people I admire now later in life and I have begun to notice they all have that same quiet but constant confidence. I know you are not supposed to use, in writing, the same word over and over, but the magic it factor for me is confidence.  Something I have lacked much of my life. Now I see that being confident is more beautifying then clothes, makeup or gems. It is that hard-to-pin-down quality that makes someone stand out. They done wring their hands, fretting about things. They just go out and do. That is a promise I am making to myself…to be more like that, quietly confident. I now have an experience or two under my belt and feel that it is my time to own who I am and not apologize for it. 

I do not suppose it will be easy but I want to try it and see where it leads me.