The clock clicks ever slowly when one anticipates a major change.
A wise friend once told me that only boring people get bored. I always agreed with that statement until now, because right now I am so utterly bored and I do not believe it is because I am boring. I have been planning my Epic Journey on and off for approximately 37 years. I have wished and wanted for this trip, anything to get out of the rut my life so conveniently fit into right from the start.
During the last few months it looked like the dream might come true and planning began. The exhilaration from this trip finally happening has been amazing. Then one thing by another has tried to rain on the parade that is my journey; financial setbacks, illness, self-doubt…you name it. I am trying to stay positive, which is not in my nature. I always felt it was easier to be a pessimist and never be disappointed, then to be an optimist and always be disappointed. Let’s face it…life very rarely works out like you imagine it will. How many dreams have you had that have had to be re-thought, picked apart, or just plain forgotten? Me, I have had plenty.
Now I am less than a month from my projected “Launch Date” for my trip and I am still working out some things. There may be a slight delay, but it looks like it is still a “GO.” The problem now is the waiting to-go part. My new-found sense of adventure has taken over my ability to continue doing the mundane things in life like laundry, cooking, cleaning and dishes. I am so completely bored with it all. I could just scream. I know I have some romantic notion that everything having to do with my Epic Journey is going to somehow be exciting and new. That is totally unrealistic and I logically know it. But my heart is feeling something different.
I feel like I have too much time on my hands, yet I am still working, trying to sell off my gift shop inventory, preparing for the trip, trying to keep up with the minimum in housework and just get through each day. Please do not get me wrong, my life is not horrible. It has just been the absolute same for a long, long time. The same type of work, the same house, the same sort of life and I am ready for a change. The only thing I do not want to change is my husband, he is awesome; everything else is fair game to alter!
I suppose this is what a mid-life crisis feels like? I never dreamed that I would go through a mid-life crisis. That was always someone else’s issue. But here I am at almost 53 years old and I am ready for the epic change. I probably never mentioned that during this trip, I hope to find a new place for Mike and me to live. We want, maybe, a Tiny Home or some sort of downsized lifestyle that will allow us to explore some dreams we have while we are still physically able (not too old).
I am banking on a lot of things to come out of this one journey. Maybe I am expecting too much. I am sure I am not thinking about the hours of monotonous driving during this trip, only concentrating on the fun and excitement. I have romanticized how fun it will actually be to sleep and live in the back of my SUV day after day. No, I am sure I am overthinking this trip and all I will walk away from it with. But this is my first intentional foray into optimism. I guess if that is where my mid-life crisis takes me, I could be doing worse.
As far as having too much time on my hands, I have decided that travel creates that feeling inside the traveler. For if it was not for the longing for change, no one would have ever left home. No discovery of new lands, no inquiries into other cultures, no new discoveries would have been discovered. Boredom, now as I see it, is the very reason for travel. My soul has reached its current level of mediocrity and it must now move on to another phase or chapter in order to remain. So for now, I will look at my boredom as a gift, the gift that is making this trip actually happen. I may have too much time on my hands right now, but it will not be that way for long.