By Lois Hewitt

Hello, it’s been a little while.  I hope you are all doing well.

On this rainy Sunday, I thought a little financial review was in order.  So I logged into Social Security just to nose around.

I found the list of all my earnings, dating back to 1978 when I made my first $825 (yearly income).  My income has always vacalated between pretty good and how-did-I-make-it.

As I looked over my years of working, I noticed quite a few high earner years. It made me step back in time a bit.

Those years were my brutal years. I was working two jobs usually and attending college full time on the weekends.  Boy, was I tired then.

Those years were the years I fell into deep, debilitating debt. With all my working, I felt I deserved everything I wanted.  I was totally driven by ego at that time.

Those were the years I drank and smoked and ate bad food.  I rarely exercised and could barely sleep.  My stress levels were so high but, by then, it seemed normal. Anger, I was literally angry all the time.

I spent, drank and ate all that money away.  I was chased daily by collections people.  I never felt any peace in those days.  The only dream I could ever muster was about hopping a fright train and never coming back.

Night after night I dreamt about leaving. I was surrounded by all the things I thought would make me finally happy but ended up drowning me.

Fast forward to a life that is the total opposite. These are not high earning years and that is perfectly okay.  Bills, I have a few but they no longer deplete me of life.

Things, as they say, have come and gone.  Possessions now are few but have meaning and purpose.

The anger and addictions that had a stranglehold are now a memory. Yes, always aware that they can reappear but I have tools in my arsenal for them.

Empty and hollow I was then.  No purpose or reason. Today full and grateful.  Living for my purpose. Lived ungodly, today full of the Spirit.

Ego is finally in the backseat. She rears up every so often, she hates the peace and the calm.  But it is my new normal.

I have taken stock lately.  The past needs to be put in the past.  The lessons never forgotten but it is time to live in the present. No more wallowing in self-pity.

I speak frequently about a warrior spirit as I sit afraid and defeated on my couch.  The warrior is ready to make an appearance.

Gone, thankfully, are the days of past.  They made me who I am today. But today needs more than that.  

Living for Jesus is the answer I found. Money never made me happy, nor did the things. Busyness, like a disease, destroyed my life.

Today needs more sunrise watching, more simple pleasures, more gratitude, and more joy.  This only comes from Jesus.

I have made a shambles of my life, but the One who created all things has fixed the holes in my soul, filled the emptiness and cleansed me from all I did before.

As I look back on the work I did and the money I made, I see how important priorities are. My priority used to be me but now I have a Higher Calling.  And that is worth more than any amount of money.