I am so tempted today! I can hardly control myself. This is something I’m working on daily and I can’t lose the battle now. I am so tempted to be negative today.

As has happened in the past some of my fellow humans have let me down. No one I know personally, just general online humans.

I want to make a rebuttal to not be so ugly, but that makes me ugly. Exchanging words does not a solution make. Taking the low road brings me to a lower level. I advocate kindness whenever possible, continuing a fight does not reflect kindness.

Being kind, empathetic and understanding of others is exhausting as well as infuriating. I want to kick someone in the shin and tell them to grow up. The old me would have jumped on that train and rode it until one of us was in tears. That’s not the new me. That was the old me that required validation from everyone. The old me that took all things said to me personally. The old me that was seeking to be liked by all. And the old me that was so small minded to think I was always right.

I do not want that person to exist anymore. I want to have evolved. I want to always take the high road. I enjoy a much higher spiritual and emotional level than I did before. It is hard though. It is much easier to be offended. It’s much easier to open ones mouth and spew negativity. It’s much easier, at least for me, to throw a tantrum.

But easy is not my goal anymore. I want to live higher. I’ve lived on the low road for too many years and it literally goes no where good. The drama and surrounding circus may be fun for a while but it steals your soul and makes you hollow inside. I know because I was there and all the time addicted to it. My value was based on how miserable I was.

I’m learning in many different coping mechanisms for dealing with hurtful comments or a disrespectful action. I know now that the only component of the situation I can change is the way I handle the situation. I cannot will another person to be kind. I cannot wish for civility in that person. But I can hold myself to a higher standard without becoming pompous.

I learned so many years ago that I am the only one looking in the mirror at my reflection. I am the only one who can see under the exterior facade into the depths of my personal reality. I have learned to hold my personal truths high and even when my reflection is exhausted and full of tears I can look back at myself without regret.

I still stumble just like today. I’m not proud that I still get upset over careless words especially from someone I have no knowledge of and visa versa. I guess I am still evolving into that better person. Even though I am tempted to get ugly, I will refrain. Negativity is a disease in our world today. I have no business helping create an environment which it spreads. So today my temptation has been squashed and discarded. My inner peace and my expectations of myself are in tact. May that circus leave town. It’s no longer welcome.