Goodbye to a Dream

As long as I can remember I have wanted to do something different, be untethered from convention and live a simple life. It took me many years and a LOT of help from friends and family, but I was able to take a leap out of the norm and travel and experience new things.  

I am thankful I was able to take the driving tour, to minimize my lifestyle, to find a new place, to work on a train and to connect with new friends and reconnect the old friends.  I am humbled that I was able to have this opportunity in my life.  My epic journey was not the journey I had dreamt of all those years.  It was a different journey then I had imagined but life changing nonetheless.  

I have been struggling these last few months, after the train job ended, with what to do now. Reality has started to set in and I feel it is time to say goodbye to the epic journey.  My plans of economic freedom, I now understand, are just illusions.  I got rid of the stuff and have done fairly well without accumulating new stuff.  But when you become one illness or one car problem away from disaster, you have to become realistic and go back to being an adult.

I always wanted to end up in the Keys drinking rum and writing like my hero Hemingway.  This has been the first time in my life that I have had the chance to just write and I was at a loss for words.  My ideas dried up and I sat aimlessly in front of the computer unable to construct a decent sentence.  I tried paper and pen with the same result. I realize now that sometimes your reality cannot live up to your dreams.  Without words, there is no writing. 

Learning about myself and other people has been my greatest joy during my journey.  My heart has been touched by so many.  I have met other travelers, many half my age, who are living the life I dreamed of.  They are free from the constraints that bind so many of us.  They are free souls riding the winds wherever they may blow.  I have seen that life up close and my life pales in contrast.  I believe it is a young persons game and I tried to join in past my prime.  

If it sounds like I’m feeling sorry for myself, please note that I am not.  I am standing on the other side of my epic journey with an entirely new sense of gratitude and world view.  I am changed, I am anew.  I am also realistic in the knowledge that at my age I am not likely to be able to continue riding the blowing winds to the next adventure.  Life has a way of making the carefree life become very difficult.  

So it’s back to a normal job for me as well as some sort of order.  Putting to bed the grand dreams knowing I was one of the lucky ones who got to test drive an epic journey.  It is because of so many of you that I was able to try this experiment.  I could not have done this without your financial support, your love, prayers and encouragement.  I’m indeed one of the luckiest people on the planet to have been able to live my dream  no matter how long it lasted.  Thank you everyone from the bottom of my heart.  I love you all.

Will I continue the blog?  I am not sure at this time.  I’m not sure what lessons are left, not that I know everything but I am not sure what earth shattering revelation is left.  Although I have learned that you never know the road that you will end up on.   I may someday continue the epic journey.  I like to think so.  Only time will tell.

Now it’s time to find a real job and go back to being an adult.  My dreams are different now.  I no longer dream of a life on the road with everyday being its own adventure. My dreams were full of color and the unknown.  Today’s dreams are more subdued as if in black and white. The passion fire has gone out for now.  This is just a new chapter in a life full of uncertainty. At least I can look back on my epic journey with the fondest of memories and the utmost gratitude.  

It was a hell of a ride.


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