By Lois Hewitt

I was sitting a work today just typing away when I had a flash of a thought of a person from my past, from a time that was not good at all.  I actually started to sweat and my heart pounded with fear at the thought of even seeing this person again.

It was surreal to say the least and I calmed myself down. Looked around to make sure no one saw me freaking out and just prayed for strength to forgive and move on.

After the moment had passed, I was left with thoughts about me, as often happens.  What was I like during the time of that relationship? How did I act?  What were the words I said?

I immediately felt bad for anyone who knew me “then”.  Those people are only left with a memory of me that is anything but flattering. I grasped at every straw I could find to figure out who I was.  My purpose unclear.  I tried this and I tried that. I was a feminist for a week.  I was a Buddhist for a week.  I walked around like a thug sometimes and an intellectual others. I had absolutely no clue.

So I’m sad for the people who do not know me as the calmer, less angry, self-aware, Christian me that I am today. But that’s okay.

Not everyone will be able to see the new and improved me or you.  Not everyone world approve anyway.  Some might even doubt the validity of the changes. Some might be resentful because they haven’t been able to progress. But that’s okay.

Each person’s journey is different. The timing is as individual as we are.  A lot of things happen between our birth and our physical passing. All the experiences are like musical notes in a very long and convoluted symphony.

Sure, there are entire decades I would love to burn and bury. The one that came to mind today being one of them.  But you cannot discard what was learned during that time, even if the knowledge came years later.

If you were to look in the mirror right this moment, what would you see?  I would see a face worn by life’s road. I would see tiredness and a bit of defeat. How about you?

Do you know what you should see?  A Victor.  Someone who has rode out the storms, someone who walked through the fires, and someone who is determined to not stay the same but to thrive and grow like a might oak tree. Slightly damaged but strong as ever.

You may have unpleasant flashes from a troubled past. We all actually do.  I’m sorry for that for you.  But those moments were used to form a much stronger person who has empathy and understanding beyond reason.  So many days I just want to hide and forget I even exist.

But I was given this life to serve a purpose, just like you are. Nothing is wasted in God’s world.  So if you just want to pull up the covers and call it a day…don’t!  The world needs you as you are today and who you will grow into tomorrow.

Don’t let those painful memories write your story any longer. If you are like me, those days have filled up too much of my story. Now it’s time for the triumphant chapter. The New Me Chapter.  You can do that, look up to God and rise up out of the ashes!!

We have got this!  Be strong my friend!

By Lois Hewitt

The world is a dark place. But… 

Jesus in our hearts is the light that shines through the darkness.

His compassion through us starts the healing of the world.

His love through us cares for the ones in need and the lonely.

His mercy through us starts forgiveness of ourselves and others which puts out angers flames.

His righteousness through us gives the strength and courage to stand up to injustices.

His integrity through us gives a strong sense of purpose and meaning through works.

Before Jesus was in my heart I only thought of me.  I only wanted more things.  I only wanted my pain to go away.  I was not who I knew I could be.

With Jesus in my heart and life I have a sense of bigger meaning and bigger scope. Life is more than just me and what I want.

As I always say, and will continue to say, Jesus took a broken life full of regrets and missteps and emptied it out.  Then He refilled it with His love, light, mercy, grace, righteousness and peace.  And the call to share those things with others. It is truly a wondrous thing!

By Lois Hewitt

Words. We all know so many. Good, encouraging, helpful and also devastating. Words in and of  themselves do not hold power, the power of words comes from how we feel about hearing them.

I have had a difficult time this week finding any worthy words to write.  I was uninspired. I felt a great many things this week but had no words to describe those things.

Then this morning I saw a video of a young person just yelling and swearing at a person speaking about Jesus. Her words were vile and so full of hate. She said things I would not even dare repeat. 

I took a moment to think of those words and how they made me feel.  The old me, would have probably out sworn her and would have made a bigger scene.  Anger issues and all.

The new and improved me thought about what Jesus would think of the words.  He would know exactly where those hateful words were coming from.   His compassion would be utmost. Although we are not to mock Him, He always sees our hearts. 

So how should these hurtful words impact me?  I have been struggling to be compassionate toward so many in this “new” world we live in.  I hear angry voices and see violent deeds everyday on my phone.  These things impact me deeply and sometimes I cannot see anything positive.

That’s human thinking. I give power to those words and actions. I make the deeds important. Jesus sees the pain in their hearts and their souls. His power comes not from anger but love.  That is our calling also.  We are not called to agree with the sin but we are called to have compassion for the sinner.

Lest we forget that we sin also. Jesus showed us compassion and we must do the same.  I cannot stand behind the vile words she said but I looked at her differently and saw her pain.

The most dangerous animal is one that is hurt. They may be capable of horrible things because their pain has the power.

I cannot change the world, although I would like to.  I cannot change one mind that does not want to change. But I can change the way the world holds my power. I no longer want the world to dictate to me how to feel and what I should do.  I look to Jesus for my power.

My impact on this world may not be much but it is a ripple and a ripple can start a bigger movement over time when combined with other ripples.  If I take away the negative power and allow my life to reflect one of Jesus where sin is not tolerated but the sinner is given up to Him in genuine prayer, then the ripple starts.

Words have power only if we give it to them. So it’s true with hurtful words we have heard. Those words only have power because we give it to them. Focus on the words of Jesus for He is the source of all power and righteousness.

Lois Hewitt

August 1, 1981…the day MTV debuted. And my attention span started its downhill spiral. I did not have cable for many many years so I would have my mom just video tape hours of MTV. I learned to watch something for approximately three minutes and then it would change. I wanted my MTV!

I honestly think that type of entertainment rewired my brain and helped cause attention span difficulties. Fast forward to now and three minutes seems long in comparison to 30 second reels on FB.

I find myself continuously scrolling and scrolling, then when I want to concentrate I have a difficult time.

Back in the day, I suffered manic episodes so the video concept worked during those times. I would bounce off the walls while thinking of a hundred things at once. Never concentrating on one thing.

Now I want to slow down and learn intentionally living. But it is not as easy as one would think. I have never required myself to be overly disciplined. Hence the reason for so many of my problems.

Now I want to be more disciplined but I have an MTV attention span. Of course I am speaking of the days when they played music, I have no idea what they do now.

I am setting forth a path before me of teaching myself to live in the moment, to concentrate on the project at hand and to value the time I am spending, not just twiddling it away aimlessly.

How do I see this changing my life? Will it cut down on excessive worry? Yes! Will it bring joy to my soul to guiltlessly slow down? Yes! Will I be able to enjoy the book or the craft? Yes! And I think so much more.

I have always been on a treadmill, running from the past and running to an undisclosed future all the time passing the here and now.

Have you ever seen a movie where the main character is standing still, usually in the middle of a crowd, and the people around are zooming by? That’s how I feel, like I’m standing still while all around me is busyness and chaos. I want that no more for my life.

I know God does not expect us to run around without stopping. Yes, we are called to be productive but not at the cost of our health and well-being. He calls us to have purpose but also to have time to be with Him, time to be with friends and family, time to be creative and time to rest.

It’s easy to get busy with good things. But when they interfere with your mental health, we must step back and reevaluate.

No more MTV mentality for me. Life is made up of more than three minute experiences. I want to savor my life rather than pass it by. Slowing the world around you is not a bad thing. It might even be the healthiest thing you can do. I’m going to try it!

By Lois Hewitt

Faith is a funny thing. It’s obviously something you cannot see, like the wind on your face. You can’t hear faith or touch it. It has no taste but it is sweet once you experience it. Sounds like one of the riddles you just cannot figure out.

In my case, faith wasn’t necessary until I had nothing left. I never needed my faith when I was hiding out from God, enjoying my sin.

Sure once in a while I prayed with faith to get me out of a jam I had gotten myself into. Or prayed with faith that the hangover wouldn’t last or that I hadn’t made someone too mad the night before because I blacked out. I played my faith like a Get Out of Jail Free card.

Many of us hit rock bottom or lower and you have the realization you just cannot do this thing called life alone. Then you slowly try to rebuild and heal. You learn to have faith in God, who only wants the best for you.

Over time, you learn more about God and His Son. You see changes take place that you could never have envisioned. Things happen and they are not luck or coincidence. Pieces of your life start to fall into place. Eventually you start to see God’s hand in Your life. It becomes as real as anything you have ever known.

The crazy story of a virgin birth and a man who heals becomes more than what some call a fairy tale…it becomes your life. It makes perfectly clear sense (as far as humans can understand). Jesus is with me always. I sometimes say “we” when I speak of something I’ve done alone.

So this, too, makes sense now. The people who rant and rave against God, who say it is just a fable and swear none of it is true, you just haven’t reached a place in your life where every turn looks like a dead end. You haven’t felt like the pit in your stomach will ever heal. You haven’t been to a place you can’t control but it controls you. It’s in your deepest sorrow, sorrow that words cannot express, that you see the invisible and you touch the spirit of God.

I am happy you have not sunk that low. But you have to realize that most of God’s believers came to Him from a dark place. Our faith in Him is real. So ridicule all you want. Laugh at our naive notions. I get it now. You think Christians are weak.

You couldn’t be more wrong. Every Christian I know has a testimony that would make you faint. We are not some poor saps looking for a way to cope, we are warriors who have walked through fire (albeit, some fires of our own making-but fires nonetheless). Branded with scars visible and not. Faced with a choice to either harden our hearts or release them to God for an overhaul and polishing.

I have seen God take the most beaten person and give that person victory. It may seem unreal to you but until you have experienced the power of God in your life, it just won’t be real.

Faith is a funny thing. You still cant see it but you sure can feel it. The impossible becomes real when God has His hand in it…He is real and that I will shout from the rooftops!

By Lois Hewitt

Thanksgiving is over and we are just a few (very) short weeks away from Christmas.  So I thought this would be a good time to go over my Christmas list. 

1.  No cards. I used to look forward to sending out Christmas cards but when I no longer could afford it, I stopped. They are expensive and stamps are expensive. A text message works fine for me.  I still love you all without Christmas cards.

2.  No gifts.  Again, this tradition died many years ago in our home.  Not only do we not spend money we don’t have, but there is no stress and no stores to visit. I still love you all without presents.

3.  Joy for the season. I have been called a grinch but I just love celebrating the birth of Jesus without all the man-made trappings. I’m not a grinch, I really love Christmas.  I still love you all this season and all year!

4.  I’m not a fan of Santa Claus.  I suppose if I had children or grandchildren I might but I don’t do anything Santa Claus. I still love you all without Santa.

I guess that about covers it. I know Christmas is different for us all. And every family has the right to celebrate their way. My way is minimalistic and it does not make me a hater of Christmas.

In reality, my true Christmas wish, as always, is for peace. World and personal.  I pray that all my friends and family experience God’s amazing peace in their lives. I pray for your safety in a crazy world. I pray for health and healing for you.  I pray for joy that overflows and is ever abundant.  I pray that you know Jesus deeply.

I have said this so many times, I am sure you are sick of it but these words are my life….things come and go (in my case, mostly go), value those around you instead. Tomorrow is never guaranteed. Enjoy your people today and every day you are together.

Traditions don’t have to be complex. I have many traditions that cost very little and they bring much comfort.  Don’t be afraid to try new traditions. It’s okay, just because it’s new doesn’t mean it’s bad and just because it’s old doesn’t mean it’s good. 

During this busy season, I pray that you can slow down enough to enjoy it. Too many times we rush to do this, rush to make that, and rush to clean that that we wish the holidays to be over.  My wish this year is for you to enjoy the season. If someone gets upset, they will get over it.  You deserve to enjoy it too!!  Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

The season is a double-edged sword. You have to have fun but that fun comes at a high cost.  Our daily lives are difficult enough without the added stress of making everything perfect. It doesn’t have to be perfect or even close. Embrace what you have, breathe and enjoy yourself.

My wish is to thank you all for your love and support throughout the year.  I love you all and pray to our perfect Savior that He covers your life with His perfect love.

By Lois Hewitt

Today is Thanksgiving and I had a plan for the day. I had a schedule for the day. I had traditions I wanted to follow today.

As I write this, I am literally sitting in my car doing the exact opposite of what I had planned. Things came up and I have to change the plans I made.

If I’m completely honest, I feel anger and bitterness welling up inside me. Do you ever feel like you do not ask much and the little you do is always a struggle? That’s me right now.

But my mind turns to the popular saying of a few years ago…what would Jesus do? I know in my heart He would help the ones in need (even if the need doesn’t seem that urgent from my perspective). He would not feel anger and bitterness like I do. He would not care for such trival things like cooking a pie or doing a load of laundry.

He came as the Son of God to be of service to others. That is our call too. Yes, our plans are important. Yes, our time is limited. But life will always throw a curveball and how we deal with it is the test of our character.

I tend to have high expectations for holidays, vacations and other times away from the regular work schedules. I plan, albeit unrealistically, too much. I want to much productivity. I have a solid plan that has no wiggle room. Then I’m asked to wiggle. And I melt down.

Expectations are a cruel master, are they not? No matter, we hardly ever life up to them. And when we don’t, we experience a wide array of negative emotions. Emotions that are based in human ways not God’s ways.

As I sit here in the car, I realize my entire life has revolved around my man made expectations for life. It’s no wonder I have experienced depression and anger for years. I was trying to be in control. It was my show and my rules. It was my circus.

That’s not what we are called to do. Our dependence, our expectations should be based on what God thinks we should be doing. He wants us to have homemade pie for Thanksgiving but if another need arises, we should happily and peacefully meet that need. The pie can wait.

I started writing this post to help me come down from the edge. And it clarified one big problem in my life. I need to unclench my grip on my figurative and literal day planner with all it expectations for today and the future. Let the death grip of planning loose a bit and give myself permission to not be in control of every single thing. It’s just an illusion anyway.

The anger and bitterness have subsided. I feel less stressed. What a wonderful reminder for me to keep my eyes on Him and not on myself.

We serve an amazing God who is in control of all things. I just mess up what I try to control. So I’m going to let up on my grip of things and leave it to Him.

By Lois Hewitt

Dearest Lord, on this day before Thanksgiving I want to say a prayer for my family and friends. This year has been difficult for so many. Health issues, finances, loss, addiction and so many other heart breaks. Lord, please look over them all and cover them with Your loving arms. Please heal the wounds you can see as well as the ones hidden from the world.

Peace is a grand ideal but impossible to achieve in this realm. So I pray for those living in situations I cannot even imagine. Please provide strength and protection from the evils in the world.  Let us be reminded that one day we will live in perfect peace.

I practice gratitude Lord. For I know all things come through You. Today I pray for those suffering and not having the things they need…food, shelter, clean water, and the other things I take for granted. So many need Your help, please let Your blessings cover them.

Lord I pray for those who curse Your name. Please forgive them for the are living in their sin and Your name is bitter to them.  I pray that they see You for Who You are…let the excuses fall away, let the lies dissolve and let their hearts open to Your love. They are quick to blame You for the ills of the world, they don’t understand You are the only cure for those ills. Churches run by man hurt people, You do not. Open their eyes Lord.

The world is divided, it seems like it will never heal but my faith is in You and You have a plan that is in place. Let us hold on tight to You and the words You have given us.

Although the world is scary, we have so much to be thankful for. Please continue to bless us individually, as a family, as a part of a community, as a nation and as an inhabitant of this world. Thank You Lord for Your sacrifice on the cross that gave every person the opportunity for redemption. 

May the blessings rain down on Your children and on those who do not know You yet. 

Thank You for all You do and all You provide today and forever more.  Heaven is coming. In Jesus’ previous name we pray.  Amen

By Lois Hewitt

Out of the sleep I have come!  At 16 years old I asked Jesus into my life. But even at that young age I was steeped in sin.  I dabbled at being a Christian for decades. I am thankful I learned a lot along the way but I still hung tightly to my sins.  I lived in the dark with hope that Jesus could not see me.

I loved the world and had many idols. I drank and smoked and swore and indulged in an array of addictions. I was spiritually asleep.

Then not long ago a switch flipped inside of me. I could now see the world around me, not just the illusion I saw before and, more importantly, I saw myself.  Not in my usual light of justification and rationalization.  I saw my sin and had to change.

It is amazing how different my life is now. Do I still sin? Yes and I always will while I walk this earth.  But one day when I meet Jesus all that will change.  Until then I am trying to be His disciple. 

I see the number of friends I have here decease almost daily. I understand. The message of Jesus is hard to hear because it calls for accountability and responsibility. It counters the “if it feels good, do it” mantra we have heard since the 1960s.  But the message is life changing and I cannot be silent.

If you unfriend or hide my posts, I understand. I want to encourage those who need it.  I want to show the fallen that they can still get back up.  I understand sin much more than I’m comfortable with. So if I’m “too much” now, I understand. I will still pray for you even if you do not want me to.

I have woken from my decades long slumber. I have such a small voice in this world and I have no platform except this, so I will keep shouting of the goodness of Jesus as long as I have one friend left.

Out of the sleep I have come and oh how joyous it is.

By Lois Hewitt

Happy Saturday! The weekends are my favorite time. I get to work at my own pace (which is pretty slow now lol). I get to choose what to do or not to do. I just breathe.

This morning I have a pot of pinto beans cooking on the stove. The sheets are in the wash. Butter is softening for a batch of chocolate chip cookies. I won’t change out of my sleep in pants until Monday. A cup of tea is steeping right now.

The younger me would have thought that to be torture. Shopping or day drinking or both would have been on the agenda. Stuffing my face with a whole box of Little Debbie’s also would have been fit into the day’s activities.

Back then I was searching for something that I just could not find. I was complicating the process with things and activities. The most awful thing would have been to think…about the pain, the uncertainty, or the things done and not done.

Today, I know the secret. Live a life pleasing to God. That looks different to each person. My path today as an older person is much different than when I was younger. I did not know myself then. I bounced around from ideal to ideal. Always trying to be someone else. It was exhausting.

Today I know mostly who I am and live that as authentically as I can. Life is no longer weeks locked in the house in fear nor is it looking for a party. It is quiet and intentional.

Why do I speak about this so much? We live in a world that is shouting at us all the time. You need to buy this! Your house needs to look like this! This booze makes the party! Eat this and feel good again! Live this lifestyle and you will finally be happy! Oh the messages! And they are everywhere.

I use my story of mistakes and missteps to prove you can heal. You can get better. You can figure out your path no matter your age. Nothing that happens is wasted. It’s all learning.

My mental health got so bad, I had no idea what I was doing anymore. I was just a very angry robot. Here’s the part some won’t like….I re-found Jesus and I started to really heal. I started to want to live like Him. I don’t follow religion. I follow Jesus.

So what’s the point? Today I sit with my seemingly mundane tasks to do with the realization that mundane is what the world sees, I see my day as fulfilling and nourishing.

Should we all not seek that? Fulfilling, nourishing and intentional. This again looks different for everyone. But once you start being honest with yourself and stop looking to the world for validation and look to Jesus, the way gets clearer. The healing starts. Gratitude takes over.

I want desperately to be a beacon of hope. There is hope, mercy and forgiveness in the world today. You don’t have to feel bad all the time. I thought that was just how it was supposed to be. It is not how life was intended. All chocolate bars and fuzzy slippers. No. This life will never be perfect. But the peace and joy you have inside can be perfect. You just have to know where to look for it. Hint: look outside yourself and look to Heaven.