By Lois Hewitt

Part of the walkway out of our apartment is made up of loose stones.  And that part of the walkway is slightly slanted, so when I walk on it I have to be careful with my footing as to not fall.

I have slipped a couple times as the stones shifted from me walking on them.  Leaving me no alternate but to land on my behind. 

Life feels that way sometimes, doesn’t it?  Like we are standing on shifting ground and the only place to go is down.  So many things don’t make sense today.  Opinions and ideals keep shifting.

That’s when I need to remember there is one place that never shifts or changes.  The feet of Jesus. 

He is the same as yesterday, today and will be tomorrow.  World views change on a regular basis.  Influencers try to facilitate change based on their view.  But He is constant.

For me, there is comfort in knowing that the foundation that Jesus set for us never moves, never changes.  If I can only keep my eyes on Him, I would be more settled and peaceful.

But the world we live in wants to keep us dissatisfied and confused.  Hatred is a new normal.  Screaming has replaced conversations.  Acts of violence are considered appropriate as a form of protest. 

But at the feet of Jesus, there is love, compassion and peace.   That never shifts.  His foundation is firmly planted and will not be moved. 

As I try to maneuver this new world we live in, I sometimes forget to keep my eyes on Jesus.  When I do I become fearful and unsteady, ready to stumble at any moment. 

I need to keep my focus on the One who is truly in control.  No politician, no influencer, no celebrity only Jesus. 

It’s like when you stand on the beach and the tide brings the water to you.  It can feel like you are moving due to the motion of the water, but in reality you have not moved at all.  It’s just an illusion.

But when you focus on Jesus, the foundation is solid.  He has control of today and forever more.  No shifting stones here, just solid ground.

So if today you feel like everything is out of control, you can shift your view to Jesus and get your footing right.  He died for us, He cares for us and He protects us.  That never changes. 

Plant your feet on solid ground.  Look to Jesus for your security and know that He is the victory we seek. 

We will still continue to stumble as that is the human condition but planting yourself at His feet will help ensure that He will help you back to your feet and back to solid ground.

By Lois Hewitt

Another truthful post.  Seems like all I do is cry.  I cried yesterday at work.

I was trying to do a job that I have been doing for over three years.  And for some reason my mind would not let me get it right…even after seven tries.

I got so frustrated I just started to cry and ran out of the office. When I returned my boss had done the job for me.  He is so kind.

When I got home and had some time to mull over the events of the day, I realized that I am trying to act like everything is normal and it’s not.

I don’t know if this is true of everyone with a chronic illness, but I just want normal back.  I want to be where I was before cancer.

I’m not saying I was perfect before the diagnosis but I sure wasn’t as foggy and scattered as I am now.

Oh I dream of normal.  I took normal for granted.  Today’s normal is doctor appointments, infusions, pills (so many pills), being cautious of getting sick, and so much more.

I’m trying not to complain but I have to come to terms that I am different and my life is different.  I cannot keep acting like it’s as it was.

So today I pick myself up yet again and try to adjust to the new normal. 

And I must not forget to thank God for He gave me another day.  It’s a different type of day, but it is a day that I have to remember to be thankful for.

I don’t know if other people with chronic disease have the same issues but if you do, be kind to yourself.  You are going through a lot and it is not easy.  Pray for strength and guidance as this new world unfolds. 

God is with us everyday and we need to look to Him and not depend on any facade we try to hide behind. 

We want to look all put together but sometimes we just are a mess.  And guess what….that’s ok too!

Be good to yourself and have patience. 

By Lois Hewitt

I’m so stupid.  I almost cried at a gas station restaurant.  Mike and I had a little time before my post-chemo shot. So we stopped at a little restaurant attached to a Shell station in Swannanoa.

The inside was adorable. It felt safe. We sat down to a big menu.  I ordered a burger and fries and a to go box.  Usually the day after chemo I feel hungry but can’t eat much.

The food came out fast and fresh as could be.  Our waitress was absolutely lovely.

Well I ate all of the burger and half the fries along with a whole iced tea.  I was amazed.

So I explained the situation to her and the compassion in her eyes, not pity, teared me up.  And she said to come back after the next treatment, with the biggest smile on her face.  A complete stranger.

I somewhat lost my faith in humanity before my diagnosis.  But the outpouring of sincere love and caring from friends and family and people I don’t even know had restored the faith.

I sit here sometimes and wonder what my purpose is now, I used to think I knew what it was but now those things I can no longer do.

Helpless I am some times.  To shaky to write.  Using a cane a lot of the time.  Tired more than I’m not.  A blob is what I am.  But there must be a purpose left in me.  God’s purpose.

I guess the moral of this post is you never know who is going to give you the lift you need to keep going even if you are not sure you know where you are going. And visa versa.

I think in general we are here to help and encourage each other.  Unfortunately there are so many who don’t believe that. They are too busy or too important.  And those are the ones we remember.

Today I start remembering the kindness not the rudeness. I will remember the gentle touch on the shoulder not the brush to get past me because I am too slow.

God has granted me so many kindnesses and genuine people in my life.  I have no reason whatsoever to doubt.

The world we live in today is hard. It’s difficult.  It’s ever changing. But there are plenty of caring people that get overlooked by the overbearing.  Today I’m turning that around. 

God gave us kindness as one of the Fruits of the Spirit.  Today I embrace all those fruits and put evil into perspective. 

And I got a fabulous hamburger (one of my favorite things) out of the deal.  I thought today was my bad day but it turned out great by the grace of God.

By Lois Hewitt

Tomorrow it will be one year since I started showing symptoms of cancer.  Following the diagnosis came Hurricane Helene then the hysterectomy, then shingles, then the cancer came back, started chemo and now a blood clot.  What a year it’s been and no real end in sight.

Some days I feel hopeless. Yes, even as a believer in Jesus, I have periods of time where I just can’t bear the weight.

I want to let Jesus have my yoke but I do not know how to let go.   I have been clinging to it for so long, I wonder if I know how to let it go.

I’m sure every Christian has gone through periods where you wondered if Jesus was near or why He was allowing such things to happen.

We are told to surrender all, but is that not easier said than done?   Oh to be able to sleep all night without waking up worrying about money, health or whatever it is that keeps you up at night.

They say being a Christian is difficult.  I always thought they meant the things you give up or the new purpose in life.  It’s now clear they meant the seasons of trials.   I’ve been through a few seasons in my life and I find it never gets easier.

As I sit in my chair covered with a soft blanket, I can feel the arms of Jesus around me.  I haven’t had words to pray lately but He knows our hearts and fills in the blanks when we just can’t.

We live in a world that’s much different than we grew up in (if you are of a certain age).  It’s much more volatile with so many different factions fighting.  Rage is everywhere.  Crime seems to be tolerated more.  And everything just costs so much, just to name a few things.

So what are we to do?  We have to spend solid time in God’s word and pray without ceasing.  This is not some magic fix-me-up, but if done consistently you can find peace even though the chaos.

Joy is alluding me at this point.  I’m trying but it is difficult.  But that too is a gift promised to us if we seek Him.   Not a gift easily given but earned through devotion to Him. 

This was not my cheeriest post but I hope you take away a couple of things.

It’s okay to feel hopeless at times, just don’t stay there.  Focus on the things that give you hope and cling to them like you are on the Titanic.  Don’t let go!

Joy can be allusive too.  Like I said I’m still working on that but I know it’s there for me and for you.  Don’t give up on it.

It is true that if God puts you there, He will see you through it.  Even if He feels distant at the time.  Quiet your heart if you can’t find words and He will take it from there.

Even though the world seems to be spinning out of control.  Jesus is still in control.  And He wins the ultimate war.  Evil may win a battle here and there but that’s not how this story ends.

So if you are in a difficult season.   Please please please hang on.  Don’t give up.  Jesus is your strength.   He’s parted seas, delivered His people, fed thousands out of nothing and most importantly He died on a cross for the sins of all of us and then rose from the dead to ascend to Heaven.  He will be back. 

Do you really believe all that fairy tale stuff?  With my whole heart and my whole soul.  That’s how I know He will take care of us even if we feel distant.  I’ve seen Him do it so many times.

Maybe put on some joyous music, watch a Christian movie or open the Bible.  Try to get your head out of the problems and sing a little praise for all He has done so far.

This life is not an easy one but as a Christian we do have tools to get us through.  Please use them and remember to take care of yourself guilt free.  You are so very loved….He died for that love!

By Lois Hewitt

What’s your favorite part of the day?  I love the few hours of morning before the day officially starts.

Rested from sleep.  The sky slowly turning from dark to light.  Quiet and peace abound.

This is my time with the Lord.  What a great way to start the day, with gratitude and praise.

The quiet can be thick like fog, but then the small house noises interrupt the silence.

So blessed to start the day in prayer.  Prayers of need for myself and others, prayers of thankfulness and prayers of love.

What a way to start the day!  Then comes the light and the day has started.  Coffee and breakfast to make.  Work to do.  Chores that need done.  The day becomes busy.

But that perfect start to the day in God’s word and in prayer set the tone for the day.  Stumble we will, things go sideways but our hearts are right because of that wonderful start to the day.

My prayer for you today is a day full of God’s love and peace.  No matter your circumstance, God is with you and that brings such comfort.

Enjoy today.  Let yourself rest when you can.  Enjoy the small things, like a cup of tea.  Love others and yourself. 

Today is a gift. Even if life is trying right now, make time for God and you will feel His love and peace.  Enjoy the day! 

By Lois Hewitt

I just emailed a friend who is having a difficult time and I was struggling to find the right words.  So I shut up and let the Holy Spirit drive the bus, as they say.  Maybe these words can help you too.

Many of my lovely friends tell me I’m a warrior.  On those days when I can’t walk the 20 steps to brush my teeth, I don’t feel much like a warrior.  The nights I can’t cook a meal, I don’t feel much like a warrior.  I felt like a liar or a fraud because I really wasn’t much of a warrior but rather a waste.

Then I remembered the story of Joshua fighting (I’ll never get who he was fighting so I’ll just say the enemy) the enemy.

God told Joshua to lay back and pretend to be injured so the enemy would think they had won. And then God’s plan would kick in and He would be the victor.

But Joshua wanted to fight. To be a warrior and he did not follow God’s plan and he lost men and lost the battle.

God reminded Joshua that he needed to fall back, to lay low, so God could defeat the enemy. This time Joshua did as God said and they were victorious and God got the glory.

The Old Testament is not where much of my biblical knowledge is, so please forgive any mistakes, but it’s close to the story and makes a valid point.

So we are, of course, warriors when we are straight up in the middle of the fight.  We are kicking it and making our way toward victory.

But we are warriors too when we hang back (aka resting and taking care of ourselves) because God is fighting the battle for us.  He fights when we are fighting but He takes over when we cannot.

So my definition of being a warrior has changed. If I make the 20 steps to brush my teeth (not my hair as I don’t have anymore lol) that single act is an act of victory.

If I have a day where I make a meal, that is a big victory.  And God always gets the glory because He is my strength.

Before I got sick I used to say celebrate the win no matter the size.  Now that I’m sick, those words ring so true.  Everything you do or don’t do when you are chronically ill, depressed, overwhelmed, or struggling is a win.  If it’s a win, you are a warrior.

I believe we are all warriors in this life. Dr. Evans says we are all either in a fight, just got out of one or are heading into another.  Life is difficult and trials are a big part of life.  Of course, I don’t wish them on anyone, they just happen when Gods timing says it’s right.  There is ALWAYS a reason for them.

If you don’t feel much like a warrior today, know that you are today and every day.  And that God is either fighting with us or for us.  He is our strength and our might.  He deserves the victory.

Jesus promised to never leave or forsake us.  He never goes back on His word, so please hang on tight to that promise.  And know that you are a warrior whether you think you are or not.  Stay strong my friend, stay strong.

By Lois Hewitt

Oh how easy it is to complain.  Especially when life’s trouble start to stack up.  Ok Lord, I might have been ok with this one thing, but these two new things are overwhelming me.  Can’t You help me Lord?  Can’t You see I can’t carry all these burdens?  Have You forsaken me?

That’s a very easy mindset to fall into.   You can’t figure out what you did wrong to have all these issues.  Then we start doubting and complaining.  I have done it more times than I care to admit.

These last few weeks have left me weak and unable to do many of the things I’m used to doing, doing on my own power.

So as I have rested and rested some more, I felt the urge to complain but was covered with a different mindset.  First, gratitude.  The Lord is here with me every step. I feel His presence.

And second, I have learned for the first time in my life there are just some things I have no control over.  I don’t have control over other people, over disease and many more things. I’m turning that control over to Jesus. I am stepping back and watching the road unfold.

And third.  There is a plan in place. A plan so huge I cannot fathom it. How do I know this?  The past.  Looking back on other stages of my life, life full of chaos, I see order come where there was none.  I see myself change with every miracle.  Remembering what Jesus has brought me through, reminds me what He will bring me through.

And fourth, His word is my guarantee that He won’t leave me.  He promised and I believe it.

Are you buried under circumstances that seem impossible?  Do you feel alone?  Pick up God’s word and read His promises.  Believe them.  He promises to never leave or forsake us.  He hears our cries even when we have no words because He knows our heart.

Don’t believe?  I didn’t either for a long time. Why would Jesus care about me?  Doesn’t He have enough things to do besides help me with my problems? 

That’s exactly what He has time for.  That’s exactly why we were created, to be cared for.  He cares for everyone even those who hate Him. Why not give Him a chance or another one? 

I say this so many times, but at this stage of my life I am at His feet and I’m hanging on for dear life.  He has me covered and comforted.  He is my saving grace and my mercy.  This i believe with all I am.  I pray you find His comfort and peace.  There is nothing like it!

By Lois Hewitt

I want to post something today that has nothing to do with cancer, copays or any other of life’s difficulties.

Today I opened the back door to see the bright sun and the blue sky.  A small breeze was blowing.  And, oh how, the birds were singing.  Big bumblebees flying all around.

It is so easy to see the sadness and grief that is ever present in every day life.  But sometimes you need a mini vacation from all that.  To just sit in your favorite spot and dream the dreams of your youth.

The other day I was so tired and I wanted to just close my eyes, not necessarily to sleep, but to just “go” someplace else. To dream as I did as a child.  Nothing came to mind. 

Every thought I started was crushed by some sort of adult reality.  I didn’t want reality then, I wanted fantasy.  Just a brief respite.

Then I realized the importance of such things. Sure you aren’t checking off things on your to do list, but you are doing something of more importance, you are feeding your soul.  You are communing with God.

It’s like being a child and playing in the grass on a summer day.  It’s important to have those times when you can just forget, even for a few moments, the true realities of adult life.

So today I sit on the porch and dreams start to materialize.  I remember how it feels to run and laugh and play all from the comfort of my porch chair.

I thank God for the beauty that surrounds us every day.  The beauty we often miss because we are adults and sometimes forget to just be.

I forget many times that God is in control and that I am here to do His will.  I fuss and fight trying to change this or that.  But to no avail. I need to remember to stop, especially when I’m freaking out about something and breathe deep and just slow down. Listen to the birds or watch the clouds drift by.

We are not called to be the fixers of things. We are called to love each other and follow God’s course. 

I know I’m rambling but I just think it’s important for each of us to take a mini break now and then.  To reflect on the beauty all around us.  I pray you get that chance today.  Leave reality behind just for a while and be a child again. 

If your childhood was not great, now is the time to create one that is.  Just be happy and at peace for a time.  Feed your soul and let go of the stress.  Feel your blessings and see God’s beautiful world.

Have a blessed and happy day today.  Reality will be back soon enough.  Just enjoy!

By Lois Hewitt

Do you care to know my first chemo lesson?  I only ask because you have to be tired of cancer stories.  But I think this is a good one.

Yesterday was my first chemo appointment.  When I got there my blood pressure was scary high from the anxiety I was feeling.  When that finally came down, my pulse rate was way too high to administer the drugs.

You see I had been worried about this treatment since I heard about it almost two weeks ago. 

I fretted.  I looked at WebMD way to much. I was stuck in a loop in my mind that was picturing all the worst case scenarios.  I was miserable for those two weeks.  Living on anti-depessants and they didn’t always work.

My nurse, Renae, saw how absolutely terrified I was and explained it all to me, while my wonderful husband held my hand the entire time.

I can say it was not the funest thing I have ever done, but it certainly did not live up to the absolute horror stories i had dreamt up.

So for two weeks, I missed out on any joy there was to be had.  I was miserable and upset.  When if I would have just listened to Jesus, I would have:

1.  Been full of gratitude for all that went right.  And there was a lot to be thankful for!
2.  I would have gone to Him with my fears instead of the Internet and social media.
3.  I would not have worried about the things I heard in my past because living in the past brings so much pain.
4.  I would not have worried about the future because I don’t know the future and it has its own problems that will be handled then.
5.  I would have lived in the day.  I would have seen the beautiful day and not the fact that I was so scared for something that was literally days away.

Living in the present.  Sounds so easy to do.  But the reality is our minds love to drum up the past as it also worries about all the “what ifs” of tomorrow. Neither of which help in the present.

The past is done.  All we can do is learn from it and ask Jesus for His forgiveness.  Dwelling on it does no good.

The present isn’t here yet.  How absolutely arrogant of me to think I know what’s going to happen!  For example I had surgery scheduled on October 1, then a hurricane came. 

That scenerio never even occurred to me, and I’m pretty imaginative.  So we really don’t know what tomorrow will bring. 

For my mental health, I need to live in the moment.  How about you?  I read something the other day that life needs to be lead soft and easy.  Now I know that can’t always be done but some of it may be. 

This life is so difficult, it doesn’t make sense to add more difficulty to it. 

Today is going to be soft and slow and deliberate at the feet of Jesus.  That’s the best thing I can do today.  Tomorrow, I’ll make a plan for that day then.

See the beauty today.  Make yourself be in the moment as I do the same thing. Be at peace today my friend, be at peace! 

By Lois Hewitt

It’s been a while since I posted anything.  I figured that I would just stop, thought maybe I didn’t have anything of use to say.  But I have been asked to continue, so let’s catch up.

If you have read past posts, you know I was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive cancer which started in my uterus.  I had a total hysterectomy after Hurricane Helene hit. 

My next CT scan was ordered for March 17 and that’s where we are at.  I forgot a little tidbit, about 7 weeks ago I developed shingles on my face.  Oh my the pain.  Luckily, my eye is ok.  Take shingles seriously,  it’s been very difficult to maneuver.

Back to the CT, I was pretty sure that I had beat the cancer, but it has come back and quicker than my oncologist expected.  The prognosis isn’t great, but I start chemotherapy next Monday as a way to halt the spread and give me some more time.

I won’t lie, I am scared to death.  But after a few days full of self pity, I have decided to finally fall at the feet of Jesus and let Him take control.

I walked around a few months ago so arrogant thinking I beat this disease.  Then came the shingles and I realized that I am not in control of any of this.  It is all in Jesus’ hands.

We, humans, can get so arrogant and forget that there is a plan in place.  I have been making plans and lists for months and none have come to fruition.  I take it as a sign to surrender it all to Jesus and I will follow His lead.

I don’t know what the future will bring, but then no one does.  That’s why it’s so important to have a strong footing on the only foundation that won’t shift.

Today I sit at the feet of Jesus and listen for Him to guide me.  There is no better or safer place to be than in His arms.