By Lois Hewitt

There’s been a change in plans.  Oh, that isn’t going to work.  That will never happen.  You will have to adjust.  This is my life lately.

I spent the last year planning my semi-retirement.  I was only going to work four days a week starting in September.  I wanted a day during the week to bake bread and run errands.

The same week my social security started so did my new medical bills.  Sorry, there’s been a change in plans.

Okay, let’s plan surgery, never expecting a hurricane. Sorry, you will have to readjust your schedule.

I prepared myself for chemotherapy.  Sorry your cancer does not react to it.  You will have to take an alternate route.

I was going to work from home today. Sat down at the computer and it won’t connect.  Guess you aren’t doing what you thought you were.

And on and on.  I have written a lot lately about those curves in the road, but today was my last straw.  This is more than just a few oddly placed switchbacks.  I’m missing a lesson here.

God is trying to get my attention and I have been oblivious.  But what am I supposed to be learning?  That’s the question of the hour.

I could ask friends, look it up on the Internet, keeping on the same path or I can stop and listen to God.

We don’t always want to do that, do we?  Afraid what He is saying won’t fit with our plans. Afraid we will have to change course completely.

But don’t I know what’s best for me?  Can’t I make my own decisions?  Let’s look to the past for those answers, shall we.  No, I almost always make the wrong decisions.

Ok, I need to change something. But I don’t know what it is.  I need to keep moving forward but in which direction?  I, literally, don’t know what to do next.

This happens to all of us in our lives some times.  Choosing between two job offers.  Which car to buy.  Heck, what to have for dinner tonight.

There is a fork in your road, which way do you go?  We just don’t know. 

Right now, I’m stuck in a traffic jam in my mind.  I can’t even see the exit signs.  I have no idea where I’m even supposed to be headed.

My guess is the holding pattern is all part of the lesson.  I have fallen away from my studies.  I haven’t had the words to fully pray.  I am so distracted that I cannot see straight at times.

Maybe it’s time to bring myself back from the edge I’ve been on and refocus on God again.  Get back to His Word.  Stop trying to control the uncontrollable. 

Are you in a holding pattern?  Unsure which way to turn?  Just finding that things aren’t working right now.  Maybe it’s time to stop and refocus on God.

I like my answers to have a set of steps to follow, a clear instruction. But God does not always work that way.  He moves differently than we do.  He sees more than we do. 

Sometimes we need to surrender the planner, the schedule and the plans to Him.  Then wait.  Search Him out in reading and prayer.  The answer will come. 

You and I have gotten this far, He is not going to cut us loose here.  I thought I finally had it all together.  Then I realized I didn’t.  My eyes were on me, not Him. 

I guess I’ll continue to do what I need to and search His word for His intent for me right now.

Humans do not generally like the unknown.  Uncertainty causes anxiety. But sometimes we have to live in that space in order to move to the next level.  Don’t lose hope!  Your time of illumination is coming.

Stay strong, stay faithful to Him and be patient.  The answer will appear in His perfect time.

We can wait together.

By Lois Hewitt

Thanksgiving is almost upon us!  Oh, the food and festivities!  Family and friends!  What a lovely day it will be as it’s the kick-off for the Christmas season.

This year has a different feel though. The food will be simple.  The festivities at a minimum.  Friends and family will be close in heart.  This year will be a bit subdued.

Although I am extremely happy to be here enjoying the day, I’m weary from the last few weeks life trip.  Illness and weather have taken it out of me.

But grateful I am.  Grateful to be alive!  Grateful to be safe and comforted.  Grateful for food, no matter how modest.  Grateful for clothes, cars, electricity and water.  Grateful for all the things so many lost.  It’s humbling to think about what Helene did to those who are still suffering.

Grateful for doctors and nurses who have and will continue to take such good care of me.  Grateful for this disease as it deepens my hold on Jesus’ hand. 

I promised, in the beginning of this particular journey, that I wasn’t going to be all about cancer.  But I am finding it does filter into every part of your life. As does the hurricane.

I can’t quite seem to “get away” from either.  Even though there is sadness and grief, grateful I am.

Unexpected events, curves in life’s road, or plot twists you didn’t see coming, effect you.  You have the option to become bitter or you can chose to be better.  I have been bitter in the past, I chose to be better now.

I am reminded this Thanksgiving that I truly have more blessings in my life than I could ever deserve.  I am surrounded by the best humanity has to offer and I’m covered in the blood shed on the cross by Jesus.

I have no idea what the future holds but you don’t need a cancer diagnosis to say that.  None of us is privy to what is around the corner.  But I am slowly learning that the clock is ticking and I need to celebrate the gratitude!

My eyes seem full of tears, ready to spill out at any time.  Whether it is from sadness or beauty, my emotions run strong lately.  The old me would have considered that weakness but now I see it as a blessing. 

Being alive is full of pitfalls. But also full of beauty and love.  Being consumed by pitfalls derails joy for the things in life that are given, it steals gratitude.

I want everyday to be a Thanksgiving of sorts.  No matter the circumstances, no matter the way, I want to have the deepest sense of gratitude filling my soul.

As the day approaches, I pray you too are filled with gratitude no matter the circumstance. Filled with a joy that is not dependent on what’s happening. I pray that Jesus in His infinite love covers you and comforts you.

Grateful I am for all my many blessings and grateful I am to be a child of God.  Prayers to you, my friend, prayers of love, peace, joy and gratitude. 

By Lois Hewitt

The holidays are fast approaching.  Thanksgiving with all its preparations. Christmas with all its decorations and festivities. And new years with all its optimism. 

As a younger person, I enjoyed the thought of cooking, baking, decorating and shopping.  Buying just the right cards and sending them even to people I barely knew.

The tree stayed up for months as I just couldn’t bear taking it down as it made the house seem so empty.

I always had a Christmas planner with dates for when things needed done.  But I always fell short on time, energy and money.  But the thought was always that this year would be the perfect holiday.

Every year was not the perfect holiday and plans started early so that the next holiday years would be perfect.

As I grew older the idea of all the preparations became more and more tiring.  I suppose if I had children, it might have been different but without that, the holidays became empty for many years.

Simply going through the steps like a robot.  Wishing all the nonsense was over.  Buying gifts that no one wanted. Going deeper into an already deep cavern of debt.

Soon the holidays meant nothing. I felt not a thing for them or about them.

This continued for many years. A fake enthusiasm for all the great fun it would be.  The closer we came to total financial ruin, the harder it was to pretend.

Then the bottom fell out completely. No home, no stuff and no money except that which was generously given by friends and family. Rock bottom.

Today my holidays are completely different.  Gone are the planners, the cards, the extreme menus and the gifts.

Today I understand what I was missing before.  Greed has been replaced with gratitude. Chaos has been replaced with peace.  And high expectations have been replaced with the true joy of the season.

I have fallen in love again with the holiday season.  I now enjoy them. I do not partake in any craziness.  I simply look around with extreme gratitude.

Gifts I no longer give or need to receive except for the one greatest gift of all.  The birth of our Savior, Jesus.  I used to say I celebrated the reason for the season but the reality was not that truth.

Today I celebrate my love for Jesus and His uncompromising love for me.  His birth started a chain reaction that changed the entire history of the world.

He came to show humans a better way to live through loving one another.  He showed us, through His life, how to behave. And He gave His life to forgive our sins and give us the gift of eternal life with Him.

Once I realized that solid truth, my holidays changed and my life changed. 

That’s not to say the fun and parties are bad.  Just for me, I have changed how I view it all.  It used to be a show, but now it is an internal feeling of true gratitude and love.

What’s the point of this post, you ask.  I know so many people who just get burned out during this time of year.  Many are so very sad.  I used to be that person.

I realized you don’t have to ride society’s merry-go-round.  You can say no.  You can forgo the cards and gifts. You can create new traditions that feed your soul.  You can rethink what you believe.

If you love it the way it is, good for you.  Don’t change a thing.  But if you are overcome by it all, you are allowed to take care of yourself.

For me it was meeting Jesus where I was, crying in my desperation and finding His love that renewed me.  That’s my point today, you can reclaim your holidays. Some people may not be happy about it, but when you are living the true truth, the peace is worth it.

May your holiday season bring you the joy your soul needs to thrive!

By Lois Hewitt

This age we live in where people post their entire life on social media may be a bit out of control. But I just watched one video that really hit home.

The woman in the video lives with a chronic illness and it showed some of the struggles she deals with every single day.

No energy / loads of energy
Being fine / not being fine
Wanting to shower / too weak to shower
Crazy activity / crawling to bed to “just lay down for a minute”
Binge eating / thinking I never want to eat again
Brain fog / extreme clarity
Being clumsy / being more clumsy

And so much more….

I thought it was just me.  Struggling every day, sometimes every hour, with opposite ends of energy levels. 

One minute I’m crying because I’m so blessed, then I’m crying because “my life isn’t working” and then I’m just crying for no reason. 

One minute I’m cleaning everything, the next I can’t even move.

This has been my life for years, now it’s amplified. I thought it was only me.  But when I opened my eyes to the lives around me, I realized that it’s not isolated. It’s not just a few. So many lovely people deal with all kinds of chronic illnesses everyday.

“Well you certainly don’t look sick”  is one of the worst things to say.  I may look okay on the outside but inside I’m fighting to stand up straight.  Or someone may be struggling to breathe or not fall down or any number of things.

My eyes were opened today that clinging onto your own sanity due to illness is at epidemic proportions.

Many times it is those things you cannot see.  The things that maybe cannot be treated or diagnosed are the things that weigh heaviest on a person.

Jesus calls us to love our neighbors (translated to mean everyone).  We do not have the ability to see inside another person’s soul, to see their pain, past or present.  We cannot see what hurts physically or emotionally.  We cannot see from the outside what is happening on the inside.

I guess that’s why Jesus called us to that because we all suffer. We all hurt. We all have our cross to bear.  Kindness helps soothe the pain.  Gentleness eases the anxiety. Caring bring healing.

I used to think it was just me who suffered in silence. Thus my world just revolved around me.  Now, thanks to my new reality of cancer, I see it’s not just me. It’s all of us who are struggling.

So as Jesus calls us to be kind and loving, today I will try to be more like Him.  To see others pain as I move through my own.  To care for others when I need caring myself.

Maybe that bigger world view will actually ease my own struggles as I take my mind off my own woes and look at someone else’s situation.

We are all in this crazy world together. Facing things that scare and confuse us. We all struggle at one time or another. 

Being kind and gentle to one another is a beautiful gift to give. It not only touches the other person’s soul, it heals our own.

I guess Jesus knew what He was talking about when He called us to love one another.  Today I will love like Jesus.

By Lois Hewitt

Hope.  The definition is a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. 

I hope I win the lottery.
I hope the weather is nice this weekend.
I hope I can get into a good college.
I hope I can see my grandchildren grow up.
And on and on…

Hope is that little buzz of optimism that keeps us going.  The hope that things will get better goes a long way during dark days. 

But does hope really work?  I’ve hoped for many things in my life…a book deal, an unexpected windfall, so many things.  Many never came to fruition.  These are my worldly hopes, but what does God say about hope.

The Bible calls us to have hope in the Lord and He will renew our strength (Isaiah 40).  We are called to have hope in the Lord for He will take care of us according to His will. Our hope is to be in God’s goodness and faithfulness. Our hope is in the blood shed by Christ for our sins.

Biblical hope looks much different than worldly hope. As we hope for things, money, health or whatever our needs may be, we need to remember true hope is in Jesus for those things He provides like strength for the trials, guidance in life, His love and salvation to name a few.

That’s not to say that He doesn’t want you to have a new car or whatever you are hoping for.  But our true hope should be in Him and our eternal life with Him.

It is okay to hope for things and changes to situations. 
But it is important to focus on Jesus. The things of this world can distract us from Him.  I am the first to admit shiny things can pull me away from Him.  Then I start to stumble and doubt. 

My job is to look for Him in all my situations.  Look to Him in all my many needs. To rest in the assurance of His plan and His love.  All things will happen according to His plan not mine.

I have days where I seem to lose all hope.  Hopeless I am. Nothing is good and I hate everything. I feel like Job where it is all going wrong. In those moments my eyes have left Him and are focused on me.  That is a lonely and desperate place to be.

Then He gently refocuses my view back to Him and my hope returns. Without hope I would never get out of bed, never shower, never care. Hope is the medicine I need to endure the hardships of life.  He keeps my soul healthy. 

I think it’s important to remember where our true hope lies. Not in the possessions or status but in the Lord Jesus Christ who rules over all things and plans what is best for us regardless of what we think is best.

Jesus came down from Heaven to be man.  He lived with hurt, loss, and all the things we bear as humans.  He died an absolutely horrific death at the hands of man. He died and rose again.

He did that for everyone of us. He did that to give us hope in Him.  Not the world but in Him.  Today my focus is back on Him.  Have hope today that Jesus is in charge and His plan is always for good.

By Lois Hewitt

The saga continues…

I’m finding out what you have to do when things don’t turn out how you hoped.

Went to my oncologist (she and her team are truly amazing, by the way) to discuss what is the next step.

The plan is one I certainly did not expect. My type of cancer is very rare and aggressive. Chemotherapy, radiation and hormone therapy have no effect on it.

So every three months I get a CT scan and look for its return (there is a high chance of that) and have another surgery.  No “cure”, no plan of action except to wait.

That’s not really what I wanted to hear but that is my new reality.  Many of us a struggling with new realities.

I have written a lot lately about trying to cope when things do not turn out your way.  Whether it health, weather or any other of the many things going on now, many are struggling with not liking their new reality.

I broke down a bit this morning. Mad that I just have to live with this, mad at the expense of it all and just mad overall. 

Guess what being mad did?  Raised my blood pressure.  Made my stomach hurt.  Gave me a really bad attitude. And did nothing constructive.

After my little tantrum, I wrote out my plan of attack which includes a cancer diet, sun therapy and an exercise regimen. All things known to waylay cancer.  It’s what I can do…and have a positive attitude.

The negativity of not getting our own way has many horrific side effects to our health and it usually does not change the core problem.

I don’t have the cheerful gene. I can’t just sit here and think positive thoughts. I have to work at it.  Getting over anything traumatic in life requires more than just flowery words. It requires you to take control of the negative thoughts and kick them to the curb.

Being grateful is a great counterbalance to negativity. But, unfortunately, the mind defies you to be grateful. Even if there is so much to be grateful for.  You just have to keep trying to overcome your hurdle.

I was struggling and my husband asked me where my faith was in all this.  I was not happy with the question at first but it made me think the same thing.

I talk about handing it over to Jesus. Knowing He has a plan. Knowing that He will provide. Saying it and living it can be two different beasts. 

I try to live it every day. But the days come when you are hurting, disappointed, confused or just plain afraid of the now and the future.

So here is me thinking I have to always live with this cancer, wondering where and when it will return.  Now I can absolutely ruin today worrying about some time in the future. Or I can give it to Jesus and re-find my joy.

Frankly I’m very tired of worrying and being mad. This is my new reality and accepting it, while being proactive in the things I can, will bring me peace and joy. The kind the world can’t understand. It’s the kind from my Healer, my Savior and my Friend…Jesus.

I can’t change the cancer but I can change how I live with it. Living with bitterness and hate only hurts you and changes nothing. Think of it as protecting your well-being.  Caring for yourself. And in turn you just may find, regardless of your circumstances, peace and the ability to move onward and upward.

As we all struggle with our personal new realities, start on your knees (figuratively if you must) and give it to Jesus. His shoulders are so much bigger than ours. He has the strength to carry the burdens we struggle with. It’s not easy and, like me, can be a daily struggle to give the worry away. But the act of unloading the burden just may get you through the rough days.

That’s my prayer for us all. Regain peace and joy through the One who provides it all!

By Lois Hewitt

What do you do when things are not going your way?

The old me would have thrown fits and complained to everyone I saw. The old me did not understand that life has a way of throwing you off course. Life has a way that seems very unfair.

Oh how I hated when things turned upside down for me.  I never thought I deserved it. I never understood why it was happening to me.  I was totally unprepared for the realities of life.

It took decades to figure it out to some degree. It’s not always just about me. I always talk about a bigger picture. That is what I could never see before.

So how does cancer, for example, fall into the bigger picture. I honestly have no idea. But from the beginning I’ve said that this cancer isn’t about me as much as it’s about what God is doing through me.

Fair?  Maybe not but who am I to question God. Who am I to say that someone else won’t be touched by my diagnosis?  I don’t know the plan but now I know I am part of it. 

What lessons have I learned from the easy times?  Let’s see, none.  In fact, for me anyway, the good times set me back a bit. I wish it wasn’t that way but truth be told I forget God when the times are good.  I rely on myself and that is NEVER a good thing.

So the curveballs of life keep me centered and grounded.  They allow me to look up and see God.  I use the not-so- great times to learn about myself and new ways to cope.  It is here I learn to become a better human being.

Oh cocky I can be when the suns always out.  Arrogant I am when I think I have it all figured out. Not a great person am I when I think I’m a great person.

These times, like now, show me what steps I need to take, show me humility and gratitude, and show me where I can help others.  Things that elevate humanity, not drag it through the mud.

The difficult times, I wish on no one, can be some of the best times as far as growth goes.  I seem to grow better and deeper under pressure. The vice grip that is life’s struggles, hone my humanity, hone my empathy and hone my ties to God.

So what do I do now when things don’t go my way?  I cry, I won’t lie. It is still difficult. But when the tears dry, I take action.  I research and I learn. I question and I’m thankful.

The curveballs are meant to change your consciousness not to fully get you lost in the weeds. But to see things beyond your immediate sight. To feel things beyond the surface. To look for pieces of the bigger picture.

Sometimes our situation seems locked into place. You may struggle in one place for a while but the situation will change eventually. Then you will be able to look back and see those things that were not in your direct sight. To see further than you could when you were in the middle of it.

Some days things look bleak, especially when they aren’t going your way…i know what that’s like. You have to trust that things will change, that it is most likely not going to be as bad as you imagine it to be and open your heart to receive the blessings you cannot even imagine.

Blessings. They do come in the dark times and they are usually the sweetest. If things are upside down for you right now, try focusing on what you can learn from this, how you can grow and how you can change.

Change your outlook and the forecast seems brighter. Hang in, as the pieces fall into place.  It is not easy but it is possible.

By Lois Hewitt

I have written tens of posts in the last two weeks. Some I posted and then deleted and some never saw the artificial light of Facebook’s screen.

Desperately, I want to post the most prophetic words known to man.  Words to bring comfort and peace to all. Words that will start the healing process and comfort those in pain of all varieties.

I have tried many things looking for those words. Nothing of substance solidified.

Words, even though I’m not a great wordsmith, have always been there to comfort me. They allow me to bring to fruition thoughts and ideas that are meant to envelope me during difficult times.

This time in my history is one of my most difficult and the words I yearned for so badly have eluded me.

No turn of a phrase.  No heartfelt message.  No words of commonality. Nothing. Just babble.

I think life works that way. Sometimes the very thing you cling to just disappears. That lifeline we hang on to comes to an abrupt end.  Then what?

Maybe those things we hold onto so tightly interfere with our relationship with Jesus. Maybe we are in need of a reminder that we are not in charge. I, personally, forget that at times.

So I  had no words worth writing and I also had no words for prayer.  But Jesus knows our heart. He knows the pain of illness and the fear of its future.  He knows the frustration of circumstances, natural and otherwise. He knows loss and pain and fear and uncertainties. 

He alone fills those gaping holes in our soul. He knows what we need before we do.  He knows the bigger picture, that of which we may never see in its full extent.

Maybe my words were impeding me, all the time I thought it was the lack of them that was.  Maybe I needed to be in a holding pattern in order to readjust my soul to what’s needed next.  Maybe I just needed to stop, be quiet and trust Him.

The words are slowly trickling back like a small stream after a big rain.  A little here and there but more to come. No hurricane references intended as the pain of that is still ever present.

Just the idea that we have seasons of great activity and seasons of great inability.  Each has its own process and its own way to growth. 

I know you are struggling right now.  Natural disasters, health issues, loss of loved ones, financial setbacks and more may have you looking for a beacon of light. Jesus is that beacon.  He has been with me during the times I did nothing but doubt.

He is in charge. I know many do not believe. All I know is what has been my experience and that has shown me His way. The times I doubted the most, He was closest to me.

The times I cried in grave need, He had His arms around me.  The times I was defiant and questioning, He waited patiently for my tantrum to pass.  He has always been with me.  That is my experience.

Today I feel like I can pray again, read again and write again.  The hopelessness that has been the last few weeks of illness and natural disasters is lifting. Leaving straight the path of what’s next.

I pray that the heavy season does not return too quickly but that as the path to the future clears, I can stay focused on His prophetic words rather than worrying about mine.

Better days are ahead, there are coming!