By Lois Hewitt

I owe my friends and family an apology…again.  I seemed to have lost my grip on positivity.

Between cancer, surgery, Helene, being out of my apartment for a month and this _____ election … I’m barely hanging on some days.

Now this is NOT a call for pity. I don’t accept pity but I have to wonder if there are others out there struggling. 

I did a post earlier this morning railing on how awful people are and how awful the world is. And I was wrong.

It ain’t perfect but it is what we have, right?  I will not say that things could not be worse because:

1.  They can always be worse.

2.  Comparing your situation to someone else’s devalues your experience. We all have our crosses to bear.

Dr. Tony Evans says we are either in a trial, just got out of a trial or will be heading into one.  We all have our crosses to bear. That is the human condition in a fallen world.

I’m becoming someone I do not particularly care for.  I’m starting to see the bad more.  I don’t say I want to go around like I’m unaware, but I need to pepper all that’s happening with the good in the world.

As I communicate with people I know, there is a sense of foreboding. A sense of helplessness.  A sense of negativity.

Even my prayers fall flat lately. This happens to everyone, there is a season for this feeling.  But I plug away, struggling to find the words.  Sometimes I come up with some, other times my heart has to do the praying. At times I feel depleted.

We all do at times.  Especially during these turbulent days in which we live.  I could list all the maladies in today’s world, but you already know them.  Going over it isn’t helping anyone.

So what do we do if we are running on empty and there’s no fill up station in sight?

Right now I am out of my regular schedule or routine.  Never have I valued the comfort of a routine before. I do now.  So maybe having a routine brings a sense of normalcy to life.  That’s important.

Finding little things that bring pleasure. I love to read but find concentrating difficult at the moment, so I’m trying other things to help bring a sense of comfort.  A cup of tea, sitting in the sun, taking a short walk, it doesn’t have to be a big thing.

Finding someone to laugh with.  There is no medicine that works better than laughter. Laughter is the chemo for depression.

If you are a person of faith, hang on to Jesus.  Hang on with all you have.  Faith is believing in things not seen.  He has a plan, I’m sure of it. I find much comfort in that. 

As I was being wheeled into surgery a few weeks ago, I felt all the prayers being sent covering me with His light. Let’s not forget how important it is to pray for others. You may think the words of prayer just float up into space with no real direction.  I can tell you first hand that prayers do work.  And prayers for others can get your mind off of you.

Now if nothing helps, nothing brings comfort, PLEASE talk to someone. You don’t have to suffer in silence. There are places that are here to help. PLEASE do not give up.  If things get really bad, call 911.

Today I am struggling. Tomorrow I may be better.  These are the times we live in.  No matter what the Internet says, or the news reports, or an influencer suggests, it is not all bad. There is good.  There is love.  There is compassion and understanding.

I’m not ready to give up and I certainly hope you aren’t either.  Let’s find our light, our comfort, our new normal and embrace the world with all its flaws. 

By Lois Hewitt

Ting. Ting. Ting.  The sound of rain on the roof.  A sound we have all heard thousands of times.

Yesterday that sound played different.  Yesterday that sound caused panic.

The weather here in WNC has been beautiful since Helene blew through. This has been a blessing for recovery efforts.

Yesterday as I sat, I heard that sound of rain hitting the metal roof.  I ran to the window and saw leaves blowing in the wind.  Panic overcame me and I wasn’t the only one.

I used to love little light rainstorms in the spring and fall.  Light rain as leaves fell from the trees.  A great memory.

That is all different now.  I have heard many other people in the area voice the opinion that now we fear flooding.  Now we fear weakened trees dropping.  Now we fear more problem with water we still can’t drink or use to cook.  Now our perspective is different.

Helene not only changed lives and landscape, it changed how we feel. It upped our fear factor.

Flash floods happen here all the time due to mountain run off.  They were a nuisance and sometimes caused damage. They were something we were used to. That has all changed.

Like with any trauma, your emotions and nervous system go on high alert.  No one will ever forget the images of the flooding, the trees down or the devastation we drive by and through everyday.

Truly collective trauma.  We ask ourselves when will it be normal again?  When can we go back to the way it was?

Normal will be a new one.  We will feel joy again without guilt.  We will see rebuilding and and will accept that which isn’t. Life has a funny (not haha) way of moving on and we will all move on as we grieve the lives lost and the lives changed.

I hope we all remember that as the light shows more and the veiled darkness fades, that neighbors and communities helped one another.

No thought given to politics, religion or lifestyles.  Help was offered to one and all.  No questions asked.  I pray we all remember the so many who fought through their own hardships to lend a free and open hand to anyone in need.

Trauma does that…it unifies and dictates a better sense of humanity. Through the pain, love shines like a beacon in the dark.  With no regard to personal criteria.

Things are fixing to change again, for the entire nation as well as the world.  As the election draws near, I pray we all remember the humanity, the selfless love and dedication shown to one another. 

That right there is the crux of being human.  A helping hand.  A true sense of gratitude.  An outpouring of love. And groups of people that run the gamut, working together with no division, but a common goal.  As the next few weeks play out, may we remember all that has happened.

And may we all still work together.  That is my prayer. But the human condition always seems to reset back to strife.  I pray this time is different. 

Only time will tell how the next few weeks will evolve. And of course, our tragedy did not impact everyone, so who knows what will happen.

God knows and that’s good enough for me. Personally, it will be a long time until I forget the sights of Democrat hugging Republican. Or Christian hugging a non-believer.  I will remember those beautiful sights for a long time.

For now, the rain still scares me. For now, I do fear what’s coming. But I trust that my God is in charge of all things and that His will be done on earth. 

Be kind to each other.  We are truly all in this together.

By Lois Hewitt

Yesterday was my almost two week follow up appointment from my surgery.  I was to learn what the results of the pathology were and discuss the next steps. 

Chemo makes me really nervous so I have been fretting this discussion for some time. 

We get to the doctor and find out that the pathology hasn’t come back yet. Therefore we had to postpone the discussion for two more weeks.

It’s hard when you are looking for something, good or not so good, and the reality of that  is pushed back.  It’s a letdown, a dissappointment.

It is normal to become frustrated. We all have our own timelines for our life.  I want a child by… I want that job by… I want this or that by… I want to know about my health issue by…

Anyone who has ever had to wait knows that when God’s plan is in place, you plan and plan and plan and still not get the results you wanted.

What do you do then?  Get mad.  That doesn’t solve anything or change the fact that  you still have to wait.  Sit aimlessly and wait?  No, that is not the answer either. So what have I found in my periods of waiting?

Keep moving forward.  The outcome you wanted may not be here yet (and I’m sorry, sometimes you get a hard no) but there are still ways to keep going.

I waited for a baby for decades. I thought I could will myself pregnant (I know that’s not how it works lol) and obviously that never happened.  But I wasted many years in a hovering pattern waiting and wishing.

Those years could have been much more productive but they were not. Not a good reaction.

I’ve waited for jobs, jumped the gun and been miserable because they were not a good fit. Also not a good reaction.

So what do you do?  I’ve learned to pray in earnest for God’s will, which isn’t always mine. And keep going until the path is clear.

For me today that means I continue to heal and do some more research on what I need to know for the conversation I will be having.  I’m not angry and I’m not jumping into anything.  I exercise patience.

Patience is so very hard.  It sometimes feel like you are not doing anything. But you are.  You are exhibiting restraint and are waiting for the light to change to show you the way to turn.

That is the most important thing you can do.  Anger and frustration just lead to burn out and illness. Jumping the gun can lead you into a whole new difficult situation that you had not imagined.

I know my jobs and my life are so small in the whole timeline of life. I know God has other more important things to do.  But I also know He cares for me and He does guide me. I just need to chill enough to wait for His timing.

If you are not a believer, this may sound like some sort of sorcery or something. An all knowing God directing your path.  Here’s the thing, in my 62 years on this earth, I have done things my way.  I have been impatient. And I have made bad decisions because I wanted something. In those times, I did not pray nor was I patient. And my life was chaos.

Now I know better.  I pray in earnest and wait.  My life moves much more smoothly and peacefully.  So you can say I’m a nut who believes in a fairy tale but I say I know from wherst I came and I know the difference between waiting and not.

So if you are in a time of waiting. My advice to you is to remain calm, pray, do what you can and wait for the rest.

It’s never easy to wait on God. All we know is time.  He doesn’t do time like we do.  We cannot understand the waiting but I can attest that I have not regretted one season of waiting.  His plan is bigger and better than mine.

So sit at His feet, read His word and practice patience.  The answer will come if you know how to wait for it. I promise, He will never let you down!

By Lois Hewitt

Last night I had my first hurricane related nightmare.  I dreamt that I was trapped and could not get rescued.

I can’t speak for anyone else but I think that many people in the area may be having the same such dream.

As the days pass, each of us becomes more aware of what really happened during that horrible hurricane.  Another assumption is, like me, many of us probably never experienced such a devastating storm.

It’s hard to wrap your head around it.  So many houses with giant dumpsters in their driveway full of furniture and memories. All headed to a landfill.

Windows boarded up.  Cars tipped over and smashed.  Downed trees literally everywhere.  So much destroyed.

This is a resilent area, they will rebuild but no one will ever be the same.  Too many lives lost.  Too many lives changed.  You just can’t go back to the way it was.

My truest belief is that God has a plan.  I thought about that this morning.  I and everyone in the path of Helene were just living our lives.

Going to work.  Going to school. Making plans for the fall season.  Thinking about Christmas.  And all the things we people do on a regular day.

I remember hearing that Helene was headed our way but I could not conceive of a hurricane coming this far north into the mountains. But  I have been around enough to know to hunker down and ride it out.

But when the storm clouds disappeared and the bright sunlight illuminated the area, I do not think anyone could have imagined what Helene left behind.

The early days were just panic and frenzy.  With communication lines down, the inability to check on loved ones was truly the worst part.  Add no power and water.  Weeks later, some still out.

After the initial shock, we all learned about a growing death toll.  Makes having to brush your teeth with bottled water seem like not a big deal.

We were blessed. We were spared. But so many were not.  Even the coldest of hearts has to feel a twinge of sadness.

Beyond the terrible loss of life, businesses totally destroyed. Jobs lost maybe permanently.  How do you live and support your family if your job floated down the French Broad River? 

Two weeks after the storm, on my way to my surgery, we passed tanker trucks full of water at the hospital.  As the city water facilities were decimated and water had to be trucked in.

Nothing is back to normal. Normal is going to have to be reimagined. 

Taking things for granted is not an option anymore.  Priorities change.  Your world view shifts.  And you realize all the plans and schedules you made can change in an instant.

God’s plan, obviously, is not my plan.  There are times when you get upset.  And you ask why?  The answer doesn’t come.  You just have to have faith.  Oh that sounds so hollow when you think of the loved ones lost. But I could not go on if I didn’t think that there was a bigger plan in place.

There will be a new normal.  The events of late September 2024 will take a long time to be forgotten. 

I will continue to believe in God’s plan even if I don’t understand it.  We are called to believe which is really easy when everything is kittens and sunflowers. It is not so easy when the storm clouds roll in.  But you have to take the good with the not so good.

Thank you to everyone who has supported this area with gifts, donations and prayers. As we all try to move on, move forward, we will continue to rely on those precious prayers sent on our behalf.

Today I will try to fully accept God’s plan and thank Him for the kindnesses and love He gives.  I may not understand it all but we must walk by faith and not by sight.

By Lois Hewitt

What a day yesterday was!  Four days post surgery and I felt good.  Good enough to fold some laundry and do some work from home.  A few other things while Mike was out running errands.

Pain pills….did not need them, until I did.  I overdid it a bit.  Not bad, no damage done but a reminder of my stubborn streak.

Why are we so hesitant to relax?  Does it mean we are lazy?  Or not motivated?  How many times have we all run around doing, doing and doing when we should have just stopped?

Self-care is the buzzword of this era.  Take care of yourself.  Make time for yourself. But do it in between other things.  Don’t do it too much!  Don’t be lazy! 

We feel guilty for slowing down.  I know sloth is one of the seven deadlies, but that’s not the same as taking care of yourself.

When did it become the norm to just run ourselves ragged?  Then when you do go to relax, your brain starts calculating all the things you should be doing.  So you are “resting” but your brain is on full throttle, and you get up even less refreshed.

Even God took a day off and He calls us to do the same.  We aren’t meant to run on caffeine and no sleep.  It is bad for the body, brain and soul.

If I were completely honest, in the months before my surgery I grew more ill daily. Simple tasks that I did everyday took three times as long. Rest never helped and I would beg God for some “time off.”

Well I got it after the surgery and I still could not enjoy or utilize it. I still felt I had to do something as my worth is sometimes reflected in my completed to do list.

Today I realize I am wrong. My value is not in the number of tasks I complete. Although one wants to be productive but it’s not the sum of you as a person.  My value is not reflected in the jobs I completed.

I am a child of God.  That’s my worth.  He has called me for a purpose.  He shows me the path.

My planner keeps me organized but it became like a bible to me.  The more I got done the better I thought I felt about myself.  But it turned out to be empty.  I wasnt taking care of myself and the reality of that is I grew ill.

The fine line is the hardest walk you can ever try to navigate. Following God’s calling while doing those things humans need to do to survive.  It’s like a tightrope walk over the Grand Canyon.

This illness is teaching me that I’m not Wonder Woman.  I’m not going to “have it all.” I’m not bringing home the bacon….(those who know, know lol).

I’m going to fall short no matter my level of motivation.  I’m not getting it all done, and that’s okay.  I need to rest.  Rest is God’s way of Healing.

Self-care doesn’t have to look like a Tik Tok video with layers and layers of pampering. That seems stressful to me.  But we all need to find those things that allow us to really relax and make time for them.

Forget deadlines. Forget to do lists. Forget expectations. Just relax.  So many people look like they are on the edge. That’s what happens when you do not allow your body and mind to recharge.

I’m the first one to say this all sounds good in theory but reality plays a different tune.  I realize now that many of my stubborn choices have led me to this bed in which I am now recovering.

One thing I have learned about life, is that it will calmly and quietly call you to slow down and when you don’t life gets creative.  Like a theoretical baseball bat to the knees and bam you have no choice but to slow down.

You will be made to slow down one way or another. I choose to slow down on my terms from now on. 

Today please look for a window of time where you can really rest.  And use that time to recharge. Oh I know it will be difficult but for your own good you must try.

Redefine self-care, not by videos you see but by the things that bring you joy.  It won’t feel right at first, just do it and you will start to rewire your brain. 

You are worth the time you take for yourself.  You are worth taking care of yourself. You are worth peace and joy.  Allow it into your life, you are worth it!

By Lois Hewitt

Homemade muffins from a couple I met twice.

Several places to recuperate offered by people who don’t know me that well.

Prayers from churches and people I have never met and from many I have.

Offers of help from so many people in so many different places.

Doctors and nurses who took the best care of me.

Texts and cards full of get well wishes.

I am overwhelmed at the absolute outpouring of love I have felt.  Deserving, I am NOT!  Appreciative, I certainly AM!

This world is a funny place.  It’s scary and unpredictable as it continues to spiral out of control.  But then humanity takes center stage and the chaos starts to melt away.  Replaced by love and kindness.

I swore my writings would not become cancer-centric but unfortunately, that has become the context from which I now write.

A month since the diagnosis and three weeks since the hurricane and I have been covered in love.

From people I do not know, people I met once or twice, friends, family, co-workers past and present, school friends and so many more.

How did I get so blessed?  I was going to say lucky but luck has nothing to do with it.

I easily lose faith in mankind.  My heart breaks easily when I see injustice. It can cover me if I let it.  And, in truth, sometimes I let it. 

Then something happens in life that grabs you by the shoulders and shakes you out of it.  And you realize the images on a screen or printed on a page are not the only images today.

I look around at the neighborhoods totally destroyed and I see people being fed, clothed and cared for.

I see people opening their arms with provisions as well as a much needed hug of reassurance.

I read about the bad news. I hear the division in people.  I witness hurt.  But that’s not the entire story.

We do care for each other.  We feel empathy and compassion.  We all want to help.  That is the true human condition.  We all just forget that sometimes.

I am in awe at what is happening all around me.  Many like me, still shell-shocked but others jumping into action. It lifts my soul.

Today is another day of not doing anything but healing.  I would love to say, especially in light of everything else, that I hate this forced shutdown but the reality is that it is yet another blessing.

Much needed time to not only heal the body but the soul as well.  This has been a gift from God.  Not a gift like a pretty watch or something tangible.  But a gift of people who have touched my soul. Who have taught me lessons about compassion and true kindness.

I cannot see me being the same person ever again.  I have learned so much about the human condition. Things I was blind to before. Things I would never have seen, had I not started living through it.

Adversity is a tough taskmaster.  The pain serves as the tests that allow you to fall behind or move forward.  Good times don’t allow of hard truths and lessons learned. It truly is the heat on our feet that brings out the truth of who we are.

God has opened my eyes, toned down my ego, and shown me what true, unbridled humanity looks like.  I’m so blessed to have had this time to be on the sidelines and see humanity make the touchdown.

Going forward I will see life differently. My heart has been forever changed by the love I feel.  God allowed these people into my life to teach me lessons I could never have learned in my life.

Today I am changed. Today I am loved.  Today I will love more.  Blessed I am!

By Lois Hewitt

Surgery is done. God’s protection was over me and the doctors and nurses. Thank you for all the prayers and concern.

My room was dark and the only light was from the monitors and a crack in the door.

As I turned my head to the left I witnessed the most beautiful sunrise.  There was a reflection of light from the door on the glass plus a small little white light from the sunrise. And for about a minute the was an illuminated cross on top of the mountains.

It only last a short time before the sun’s rays moved to their next destination. I was so lucky to have seen it. It was dramatic. I knew God was with me.

The surgery went well. I have an incredible team with me. The nurses overnight and during the day, stellar. I’m truly blessed.

Now some days to recoup. Hopefully I won’t be too demanding on my home nurse (Mike).  Then the hard decisions start. About next steps.  I will put it all on God’s hands. He has a plan and I just need to see my part in it.

Thank you again.  I’m overwhelmed at the thoughts, prayers, encouragement, and texts. I’m so thankful for every one of them. 

I have to confess something.  I thought as the time of surgery drew nearer that I would start to panic and have anxiety. But it didn’t happen.  That is a HUGE triumph for me.

I knew God had this and I had all of you praying.  I realize now that when you tell someone you are praying for them, there is power and majesty behind the words.

I’m so blessed. Beyond measure. Thank you once more.

By Lois Hewitt

Good morning Mr. Sun.  With you, came a new day after a dark, cold night.  Your warmth and light penetrate my soul.  Open my eyes and open my heart.

I need to apologize to you all and to the world.  The last month has thrown a few curveballs my way and in typical Lois fashion, I simply went fetal and cried. As Mike would say, like a giant baby. Lol

But the sun today reminded me of the uncountable blessings that have covered me.  So many around me have so many more troubles.  So many more losses. 

You look around and wonder how one house was completely damaged and the ones on either side were untouched.  But the reality is everyone was touched in some way.  In different ways.

Many lives were lost and that remains a somber reminder of what has happened.  Never will any of us forget those souls that did not get to see a new day.  May they be in the Lord’s loving arms.

Many lost everything they owned.  Baby pictures.  Sentimental gifts.  So many things that you just can’t replace. I’m so sorry and my heart goes out to you as you try to rebuild a new life.

As I sit here in safety I am reminded of those not as fortunate and I truly pray for them and will continue to for a very long time.

As I look ahead, my surgery has been rescheduled and hopefully that can get done and I can start to heal.

Healing. We all need that now.  Along with healing one must embrace gratitude.  The old saying that it could be worse rings clear and true today.

When you are in the middle of any crisis it becomes difficult to see the worst, as it feels the worst at the time.  But the new day comes and it is clear that you have been blessed.  Not necessarily in a way you expected. 

Blessings are funny that way, they are often the opposite of what we think we deserve.  It’s so easy to look a gifted blessing in the mouth, so to speak, and want to reject it.  Then the new day comes and you can see that blessing for the true gift it is.

Again I apologize to everyone for my posts that were fueled by fear and uncertainty.  I should have kept my thoughts to myself. 

Today I sit here and I am thankful for God’s unending protection and His gifts.  I live with some guilt that so many have protected me and provided for me, as undeserving as I am.

Ungrateful I was, not intentionally, but in truth.  I could not see past my own reflection.  But today I can and I’m thankful to Jesus for taking care of me and for providing angels on earth to care, not only for me, but so many in need.

Life has a way of testing each of us.  Each test is different in scope and intensity. You can spend all day comparing your pain against someone else’s but that’s not productive.

Your lesson is different than my lesson. Whether it is a hurricane, cancer, loss of a job, passing of a loved one, or any other curveball…it is yours.  My suggestion will always be to pray for peace and understanding.

The last couple of weeks I had no words to pray, overwhelmed. The beauty part is Jesus already knows the need. Just wait out the confusion part and then the words will return.  With the prayers come healing. 

I’m probably not going to post much in the next couple of weeks as I convelse or I may not be quiet at all.  One never knows.

Thank you all seriously for all your prayers and well wishes.  I am blessed without measure. I hope, no matter, where you are today, you are able to see your blessings and start to heal. Today is truly a new day. God bless you all!

By Lois Hewitt

I tried to go to work today but the power was off and no water, so after making sure everything was ok, we ran some errands.  Delivered a little food to a friend and dropped off a camp stove we borrowed when the power first went off.

I saw towns I knew that looked completely different. I saw damage and roads still closed days after the original event.  My heart continues to break.

But almost every church had some sort of table out with food and water.  Some offered meals to go, some water and diapers.  One small church had one table with a few things on it. 

The number of items did not equate to the love and support being shown.  The generosity, no matter quantities, was impressive.

I know some get tired of me spouting on about God. I know some of you have been hurt by church folk.  I know the ideal can be difficult to believe for a logical mind.

When Jesus walked this earth, He spoke about loving your brothers as well as your enemies.  Because His death on the cross was for ALL humankind, so must our service be to ALL humankind.

If you were in need, and showed up at my church, there would be no questionnaire about how you vote, who you live with or any other such worldly qualifier.

The only question asked would be “what do you need?”.  That is how the church is to function, as a beacon of light cutting through the darkness.

I saw that today.  No judgements only concern.  No expectations of a return on investment only caring.  No political affiliations or party speak only camaraderie.  We are all truly in this together. 

The church is an extension of Jesus, a part of Him.  The church should be that beacon and I see it happening in this situation. And it makes me heart so happy. 

I even need to remember at times that the church is made up human beings. Beings that are flawed, scarred, hurt and full of love.  Not one of us is perfect, but when push comes to shove, most want to jump in and help.

I am thankful for all organizations offering help in this time of need.  Lots of places and businesses. But to see so many churches trying to fill needs is a blessing to me.

Living our life like Jesus taught is a Christian’s highest calling.  That is a lesson I need to remember every day, not just during a crisis.

We are truly in this life together. No one gets out alive.  I am committed to living more like Jesus. It can only make the world a better place.

By Lois Hewitt

Last night after dinner, the dishes were done, our bellies full, the soft glow of a night light and music playing. Simple pleasures are remembered as the best.

Then played Sultans of Swing and my feet started to move and the next thing I knew I was dancing, albeit not well.

The realization is that I haven’t danced or felt like dancing in months maybe longer.

Mike laughed at me and I smiled.  A little joy, a ray of light, in a dark night is sweeter than almost anything in life.

It felt so good.  Better than medicine. My heart lifted as my spirit did the same.  Lighter than air, I felt.

In the good times, we forget the little things that make life wonderful.  A sweet treat, a warm kiss, a belly laugh and a dance.  All these things are precious as gold, even more so.

So today as the worries and stresses mount.  When everything seems to be falling down around you, take a deep breathe and do a little dance or sing a song or anything that brings joy. 

It won’t solve the problems, but it will make you feel better.

Now I’m off to my War Room to pray for all those in need, maybe I’ll do a little dance on my way.

Better days are ahead my friend, better days indeed!