By Lois Hewitt

A wedding ring.  A cross of gold.  A sorority pin. A badge.  These are all examples of things that show we belong somewhere or with a particular group. Outward symbols.

Being a young and impressionable woman in the 1980s, “things” were status symbols.  White high-top Reeboks.  A Liz Claiborne bag.  Leg warmers and headbands.
Outward symbols.

In my youth, the outside mattered so much more than the inside.  I never was that attractive so I wore lots of make up and had lots of clothes. I had an impressive bookshelf full of books I’d never read.  All the extras in my bedroom and bath matched.  Outward symbols.

I became so obsessed with culture and what famous people were doing that I tried to emulate them.  Piles of celebrity magazines filled my tables.  E! always on the tv. The land of shiny and sparkly had its grip on me.

Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous was my primer.  All, of course, on a less than grand budget.

Over time, I became less and less enamoured with the symbols. The constant running from thing to thing, looking for that one piece that would finally make me feel better, grew old and cumbersome.

I would look around at the outward symbols, while in the mirror all I saw was a shell, empty and pathetic.

Slowly, I redirected my attention to what was really happening on the inside. What I needed to feel better and to be better.

So much had to change and continues to change today. The process never ends.

So since I don’t wear a wedding ring, does that mean I’m not devoted to my husband?  Not at all.  I decided that for me, outward adornments were gone forever. Including my ring.  My heart is devoted to my husband as is my life, no outward symbol necessary.

Only a small cross on my lapel, but no other symbols. Does that mean I’m not devoted to God? Absolutely not.  I am a Christian before all other things. Not a perfect one, but with the perfect desire to love Him the best I can in this humanly form.

Do I have fancy bags or intellectual looking books?  No.  Celebrity mags or matching anything?  No.  Drawers of make up or lots of clothes?  No.  The only thing I feel that I can possess is what is in my heart.  This is what works for me, and only me.

I’m not saying ditch the stuff or ditch the symbols.  I would never advocate that. But if you are feeling out of sorts, feeling like something is missing, a trip to the mall or Amazon isn’t what you need (I know this from experience).

Sometimes the best place to look is the last place you want to.  Inside. For me, I had to radically purge all the things I was clinging to.  All the things I identified with. 

I’m obsessive by nature, so I could not possibly just do this halfway.  Just like I used to think I could just have one beer…that just did not work.

I like simple.  I have lived with stress from over-buying, over-thinking, over-indulging and basically over doing.  Now I am over being over. 

I do carry my wedding ring in my wallet.  I do have lots of books on my Kindle.  I have no make up and only two outfits.  It may not look like much but it is everything and so much more.

Inward symbols that only I can see are my mandate. It reminds me that we should never judge on a person’s outward appearance because the really important stuff is on the inside.

By Lois Hewitt

Writing on a phone just isn’t the same as paper and pen or the feel of an old typewriter.  I write all my posts on my phone, hence all the autocorrect misused words (that’s my story anyway!) but somehow it’s just not the same.

In my youth I had notebooks of long diatribes emoting all my teenage angst. Page upon page of handwritten sadness and longing. Then I got a used typewriter.

On the typewriter I created my greatest (and only) piece of fiction…my resume. At 20, I had nothing to put on a resume yet I had a whole page. Definitely fiction.

Then came my first computer which I could never get to work properly. I was computer illerate even in my youth.

Now I write on a phone.  Who would have thunk it!  I appreciate the ease in which to write. Plus the fact it gets published. My old writings never another eye saw.  They ended up in a huge bonfire, never to exist again.

I hate technology but I appreciate the few things I can do. I can carry my entire library and album collection in my purse.  All my photos are also carried with me. My recipes, movies and more are in my hand right now.  How amazing is that?

There is one thing I won’t trade for electronically. My Bible. I do have an electronic version on my phone but alas it is not the same.

The way pen takes to paper can never be duplicated with any electronic. The feel, the smell, and the emotion that is tied to actual writing is a feeling unto itself.

The same with my Bible.  It’s old, so it has a unique odor.  The pages are thin and worn.  The cover has tape on the spine to keep it from tearing anymore.  Some of the writing I have done in the margins has bled through. It is a mess, but oh how I love it.

A while back I bought a new one.  It was pretty and fresh. But it had no humanity.  My old Bible is an actual part of me. Tear stained, it is.  Full of angst, fear and, most of all, hope.

I can write okay on my phone, but it’s not the same as with pen and paper.  I can read God’s word on my phone, but it’s not the same when I read the Word with my old, worn friend.

Times change.  Things get easier (or so they say).  It seems some of the convenience we have today is a little soulless. Missed are the days of stained recipe cards.  The smell of an old book.  The feel of a magnificent pen in hand. 

I embrace this new technology but only to a point. I often think if I had to hit the road  and live in a cave (things my mind thinks) my old Bible would be my only comfort.

Technology is cool. But the old things are still even better!

By Lois Hewitt

What’s your background?  What makes you qualified to write the things you do?  I have been asked this, and it’s a good question. So let’s clear the air, shall we.

I have absolutely no qualifications. None whatsoever.  Unless you count that I was (still am) a sinner who desperately desired redemption and salvation.  Theoretically, my sole qualification is my sin nature.

I did not grow up in the church. My parents did not care for any type of organized religion. Anytime the subject came up, they deferred to the argument that it’s my decision when I get old enough to decide.  Blessed that they both became believers later in life.

Luckily, I had a friend who was a Christian from a strong Christian family. So I got to see glimpses of what that meant. Accepted Jesus as my Savior at 16 years old and then went right on living my sinful life.

My main influences came from Moody radio (WCRF) in Cleveland. I listened to sermons by Charles Stanley and Charles Swindoll.  I read books by James Dobson.  But the one person who changed my life then and still to this day is Tony Evans. I cannot imagine where I would be without his teachings.

To this day, I am either reading one of his books, listening to a sermon series, doing an online study or all of the above. 

I went to a couple good churches in my day but my anxiety has kept me mostly away. Today I have two wonderful teachers at the church I work at, but Sunday service is still difficult for me.

Since I knew the majority of my Christian teachings were not going to be in-person, I was very selective. I followed a few people that after some time, I thought better of it and cut ties.  There are a lot of false or misguided teachers out there, so I stuck to the ones I trusted.

Earlier I said that I kept sinning, we all do, but I meant I was drinking and acting a fool a lot of the time.  Truth be told though, I had long stretches of time where I studied the Bible intently.  I did many studies and readings.  These times gave me a strong foundation in my faith.

Today, I am way blessed to have a life that is full of Jesus. I try to work on my understanding every day.  Do I succeed?  No!  A resounding no.  But I try to make it a priority. I work on my prayer life, my knowledge of the Bible and putting it together into a life that is worth living.

So…Am I qualified to write the things I do?  Probably not. But I hope my life serves as not only a cautionary tale (the sinning part) but a tale of someone who wants to know the Lord and did it in different terms than most.

Can you learn to be an engineer without going to school?  No, but you can learn concepts and basic skills. Can you learn to be a minister without Theology training? No, but you can learn and apply God’s perfect teachings to your life and work to be better. 

When it all comes down to it, that’s all I want. A close relationship with the One that brought me from a world of sin and to be a better person.  That desire comes from within, no book or sermon can teach that. 

Be true, be discerning and be open and you can be better and in turn make the world better. It is a rough road at times, but oh so worth it!

Those are my qualifications.

By Lois Hewitt

As I am reading the Book of Numbers, my heart lays heavy.

In Numbers we are told of God rescuing the Isrealites from their oppression in Egypt.  God was to bring them to the land of milk and honey, and beautiful pastures and so much more.

But the people began to grumble that it was taking too long and they were sick of eating manna.  They thought they would be better off back under the oppression of Egypt.

As I read this account, I thought of how ignorant the people were to not trust God.  He performed miracles and provided for them and they still doubted.

How ignorant…wait a minute.  I, too, have seen God’s hand pull me from the fires of oppression and addiction.  I, too, have seen God’s power in my life. Yet I always seem to have a prayer need.  Yet His provisions in my life are abundant.  Yet I still grumble. How ignorant am I?

I am no better than the Israelites in the desert. They didn’t like this or that.  They were fearful of taking the land.  They thought oppression would be better.

Many times in my life I felt like what I left had been better than where I was or where I was going. Many times I slipped back into the place I left, only to find how wrong I was.  The good old days are truly not always so good.

Oh how I detest my humaness. I am given salvation, an eternity with Him and those things I need here and yet I still grumble.

I am guessing that is the human condition. Is nothing ever good enough?  Does the feeling of entitlement ever run dry? 

I am blessed in so many ways, why would I ever grumble?  I do though and without justification. 

It was a good lesson for me to read the story of the Israelites. As I judged them so harshly, I realized that I carry the same afflictions of discontent and entitlement. 

I used to think the Old Testament did not have any relevance in today’s world.  But today I saw myself in the pages of God’s word. My hope is to be better starting today.

There shall be no room for grumbling about the things I do not like. God has forever changed me through nothing short of a miracle, doubt and fear have no place in my life.

The land of milk and honey is here, you just have to see and appreciate it even in the desert times.  There is more of it to come too.  So I will stay tuned for more of God’s perfect love whether I am in the desert or in the land flowing with milk and honey.

By Lois Hewitt

The cross on my lapel is the smallest cross I have ever seen.  Back in the day, when I wore a tie for work, I used this small silver cross as a tie tac.  Now that I no longer where a tie to work, I placed the small cross on my sweater lapel.

Most days I forget it is there. Once in a while I check it to be sure it’s not in an incorrect position.  It does tend to spin because the backing is really cheap and the cross has seen better days.

I rarely venture out to places other than work.  I am a practicing hermit with introverted tendencies. But once in a while I will end up at a grocery store or pharmacy.

I always pray for kindness when I do venture out in the world. It’s not that I am unkind, rather I tend to live in my own bubble and sometimes forget other people exist (I’m working on that).  So I pray to be aware and to always be kind.

I have worked too many years with the public, and, unfortunately, many people are not nice and some are absolutely cruel.  I work to never be like that.

I stay patient when I feel like screaming to hurry up.  I understand when lines are long and that many places are under-staffed.  I know that sometimes my item will be sold out and it’s not the cashiers fault. Neither is it their fault the prices are high or the return policy is strict.  Patience is a necessary super power in today’s world.

When I get to the counter, I always say hi and either be quiet or lightly chat. Depends on the cashier. I always say thank you too many times. I try to be courteous.

Do you know the one thing I always notice?  They look at that tiny cross on my lapel.  Every time.

It is a constant reminder that as a child of God we are called to kindness. It is a fruit of the spirit. It is what His children should be.

Oh I know how easy it is to be in a hurry. How easy to get aggravated. How easy to lose ones temper.  I still do all those things and more. I am flawed and fallen. But when I realize that I am potentially walking into a situation that I may not enjoy, I pray. That guards me up to be aware and calms me down so that I can be more patient.

When the world is watching Christians to see how we react to those situations, it becomes ever more important to be in the Spirit.

I don’t want to be “that person” that repels everyone in their path.  I could easily be “that person” but I would be letting God and my fellow humans down. 

Even if it seems like your actions do not matter, no matter how insignificant you feel, realize none of that is true.  You are an ambassador of God. And many of His children act contrary to His word unfortunately.

I want to take all the goodness He has shown me in my sinful life and shine it on the world. No act, no matter the size, is ever not noticed. My motto is to be as kind as the kindness He has shown me. I can never be that kind but I can keep praying and trying.

By Lois Hewitt

I will never forget Jackson Hole, Wyoming.  I still have nightmares.

We were on our Epic Journey having just spent two wonderful days/nights in Buffalo, Wyoming. We were continuing on our way west to the Pacific Ocean.

Mike had planned our route using an atlas, we also had a Trip-Tik from AAA and we had a GPS in the car.  By this time, we had gone off the original route and were depending on GPS.

Jackson Hole was the next stop and our GPS said it would be a few short miles on a back road, so we proceeded.

To call this road a cow path would have been over-stating the thing we were driving on. The ruts in the “road” were probably made by covered wagons.  We kept thinking that we must have taken a wrong turn but the GPS kept showing us on this route.

The short bit of road to travel literally took hours because we could not travel fast for fear of hurting the car in the road crevices.  This trip languished on and on.  Once in a while a giant pick-up truck would scream by, not even hiding their annoyance with the car with out of state plates.

I was a complete wreck and I’m sure Mike was, understandably, freaking out although he never let on.  There was no end in sight, it just kept going and when we finally arrived in town, it was way out of our price range.  A total failure.

In retrospect, we think our first-generation GPS may have been confused. Many times on that trip we found ourselves in precarious situations. 

We should have relied more on the good old Rand McNally to get us around. We placed too much stock in, what was at the time, a newer technology. 

The Tail of the Dragon and the road over the mountains from Gatlinburg to Asheville, were just two more horrifying roads we ended up on. As  GPS showed smooth sailing and it was anything but. I still have anxiety over parts of that trip.

We really depended on a new technology to steer us in the right direction, when we also had access to more tried and true modes of guidance. It just seemed like the newer mode had to be more reliable. And that was not the case.

The world today is similar to our trip to Jackson Hole. Today, we rely on the world to guide us on the road of life.  Celebrities and shiny products are our beacons. Influencers and social media are highlighting the way. 

The only problem is they are wrong about the terrain.  As we listen more to the world, it is taking us down a narrow, hole-filled cow path.  But we think it’s better because it’s new and attractive.

The true way is God’s way.  His instruction is not influenced by the newest thing or the shinest baubles.  His word is tried and true, most of which is opposite of the new world we live in.

I have used the world’s guidance system many times in my life. Foolishly looking to a celebrity for wise life advice.  Thinking a new thing would bring peace.  Using alcohol and sugar to bury the fact that what I was doing wasn’t working.

It is so easy to fall for the sweetened lies the world tells.  You think that road is the correct one.  But the truth is God has a map for you and your life.

It may not involve flashing lights and groovy music, but it is a life of righteousness and peace that exceeds all peace from the world. Plus so much more.

I no longer want to travel down the world’s path.  I want God’s road and although it’s not always a smooth road, it is the right one.  God is my navigation system.

By Lois Hewitt

Where did my youthful arrogance come from?  I have had times in my life where I felt as if I was drowning and I was desperate for a life preserver.  Sometimes my sin was a cry for the pain to go away.  It was still a sin, but I understand the intent.

What I cannot understand when the times my cup overflowed with arrogance and bravado.  I mean my life was a mess but there were times I thought myself perfectly right and bulletproof on top of it.

I regret those days the most. I walked around like I had been somewhere and knew something. Reality was neither of those things applied.

The human ego is a crazy thing.  When it’s in power, it will run the whole show.  Ego will feed you delicious lies and you will take them and ask for more. 

Oh youth, ego loves the play-do like mind.  For me, the day I told ego to take a long hike, came way after youthfulness had left the building. 

As I have grown older, I see the folly that is ego.  Today my driving force, my faith dictates how I act. Humility is a beautiful thing.

How I wish I had known humility in my younger days. I could have been closer to the person I wanted to be. But humility has a soft voice where ego walks around with a bullhorn.  Ego makes sure no other voice can be heard.

Until that is, you move into a place that no longer allows ego to rant and rave. A place of peace and joy, ego is not welcome there.

I fell at the feet of Jesus and I had to let go of the selfish, damaging, entitled ego that was driving my life.  What a wonderful day that was.

No longer did I have to get constant accolades or non-stop reassurance.  I finally learned who I was…a child of God. That’s all I needed then and forevermore.

By Lois Hewitt

Spaghetti squash.  I was gifted one and it has sat on my kitchen counter for a little over a week.  Today I decided to cook it.

But first I had to look up how. Only made one previously and it was not good.  So I googled a recipe and set off to make it.

A little background on me..I despise loud noises and bright lights.  I like a gentle touch and an overall calm. 

Well this silly little squash did not live within these parameters. I did not realize how difficult it would be to half one.  My normal cave lighting was insufficient for this squash prep.  The sound of my knife trying to cut through what felt like a solid brick was unnerving.  But eventually I did half it.

Deep breath.  Remain calm. The hard part is done…or is it.  I take a tablespoon and start to scoop out the seeds and the stringy stuff.  First try, nothing really happened. Second try, used a little more force and all I was able to accomplish was spraying slimy seeds all over the kitchen.

The third try involved a much bigger spoon, a lot more force and, unintentional, grinding of teeth.  Good grief, that process was not what I expected.

After that 12 minute workout, I dimmed the lights back to cave status, threw the knife into the sink and tried to recapture my calm.

I looked down, all my fingers were intact. I thought maybe in the struggle with that stubborn squash I might cut a digit or two. Grateful I felt for not drawing first blood during the seed extraction.

Whew. Peace covered me again. As I prepped the squash to roast I thought of how this small experience sums up life.

You see, I am very particular about my surroundings. I like things a certain way.  I try to control the atmosphere in my little corner of the world. And I do some of the time.

But other times, I have no control. Sinks plug.  Washers get off balance.  Neighbors dogs bark for hours on end.  And sometimes a squash will test my patience.

It is a good reminder that we need to be flexible. It is not good to be rigid or complacent. When we think we got it all figured out, the good Lord allows for some disharmony.

See if I walk around my apartment thinking that i, and I alone, are controlling this situation, then I don’t need Jesus. I obviously have all the parts in perfect motion.  Why would I need Him?

Well let’s see, because I am flawed. I am a sinner.  The movement of the world, contrary to the voice in my head, does not nor will it ever revolve around me.

When I depend on my own goodness and righteousness, I will be deceived and disappointed. I need Jesus to “drive the bus” as it were.  I need His guidance and His protection.

I also need from time to time to step out of the bubble I live in and experience discomfort and things I don’t like.  Nothing grows in a bubble. As much as I detest not having things a certain way, it causes me to further evolve. Something I could never do on my own.

How can you learn all that from a simple squash?  Once your mind is looking to Jesus, you find that everything is an experience from which to learn. You find that no matter the experience there is a blessing wrapped up somewhere. You find that the experience and blessing caused growth.

I know as I grow closer to Jesus that I am going to have to be more uncomfortable. That’s okay. Compared to His sacrifice, what I endure will be nothing in comparison.

I am weak, He is my strength.  I am afraid, He is my courage.  I am chaotic, He is my peace.  I am sad, He is my joy.  I am lost, He is my guide.

Glory to Jesus in all things!

By Lois Hewitt

What do you take in?  Do you even think about it?  I never used to.  I thought that I had a strong moral imperative, that outside things could not effect me.

This from a person who would drink into oblivion, eat into a food coma and shop away rent money.  Like I had any self-control.  The one thing I did not lack was the ability to live in denial.

Music has always been a big part of my life. I was the lonely teenager who sat around on Friday nights, while my peers were at football games and such,  I was listening to music.  The last few weeks have been a struggle for me, so yesterday I got out my headphones and cranked the tunes.

That used to always make me feel better or so I thought.  But yesterday it did not.  As I listened to the words of the music that was my life line at times, I began to see the inputs were far more detrimental.

Songs about drug abuse, depression, pain, suffering and more of the like.  I found myself extremely agitated and had to turn it off.

A couple of times during this period I fell off the healthy eating wagon.  I binged on sugary concotions and fat laden food.  These were “foods” I existed on for decades and now the immediate negative impact of them caused havoc both mentally and physically.

Then I turned to a book for solice, a new author. Within the first chapter I read about several traumas, ones that triggered anxiety.  I threw the book down.

Television was always a respite for me. I turned it on to see a “family” show about teenage pregnancy and the “funny” side of alcohol abuse (which there isn’t by the way).

Am I saying to never eat bad foods, listen to secular music, read popular books or watch television?  No, I am not saying that.

What I can say from my own experience is that as we grow as individuals, and in my case as a Christian, the things we used to think of as sweet, can turn bitter. 

As I looked back at those things in my life, I noticed a pattern of unhealthiness.  The inputs that I allowed to dominate my consciousness may have inadvertently lead to some of my depression and other mental health issues.

I thought these things harmless. But the more I read God’s word, the more I see how these external inputs can cause chaos internally.

Now I’m never going to be able to ignore all those situations. But for the sake of my mental health, I am, at the very least, going to try to be more selective regarding those inputs.

Job 10:13
New International Version
13 “But this is what you concealed in your heart,
    and I know that this was in your mind.

What I watch, what I read, what I hear, what I eat and what I see influences me regardless of my perceived ability to control it.  Some of my issues may have hinged on my addictions to certain things.

So as I try to become more intentional, I need to realize that I am responsible for intaking those outside influences that may not be as inert as I once thought.

I owe it to my health and my progress in life to look realistically at those vying for my attention.  Not all of it is good.

I want to stand on the firm foundation of Jesus, so I must look around and honestly see those things that make me stumble and fall.  They must be avoided in order to continue growing.  This may not be a popular view but one that does need personal attention.