By Lois Hewitt

A wedding ring.  A cross of gold.  A sorority pin. A badge.  These are all examples of things that show we belong somewhere or with a particular group. Outward symbols.

Being a young and impressionable woman in the 1980s, “things” were status symbols.  White high-top Reeboks.  A Liz Claiborne bag.  Leg warmers and headbands.
Outward symbols.

In my youth, the outside mattered so much more than the inside.  I never was that attractive so I wore lots of make up and had lots of clothes. I had an impressive bookshelf full of books I’d never read.  All the extras in my bedroom and bath matched.  Outward symbols.

I became so obsessed with culture and what famous people were doing that I tried to emulate them.  Piles of celebrity magazines filled my tables.  E! always on the tv. The land of shiny and sparkly had its grip on me.

Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous was my primer.  All, of course, on a less than grand budget.

Over time, I became less and less enamoured with the symbols. The constant running from thing to thing, looking for that one piece that would finally make me feel better, grew old and cumbersome.

I would look around at the outward symbols, while in the mirror all I saw was a shell, empty and pathetic.

Slowly, I redirected my attention to what was really happening on the inside. What I needed to feel better and to be better.

So much had to change and continues to change today. The process never ends.

So since I don’t wear a wedding ring, does that mean I’m not devoted to my husband?  Not at all.  I decided that for me, outward adornments were gone forever. Including my ring.  My heart is devoted to my husband as is my life, no outward symbol necessary.

Only a small cross on my lapel, but no other symbols. Does that mean I’m not devoted to God? Absolutely not.  I am a Christian before all other things. Not a perfect one, but with the perfect desire to love Him the best I can in this humanly form.

Do I have fancy bags or intellectual looking books?  No.  Celebrity mags or matching anything?  No.  Drawers of make up or lots of clothes?  No.  The only thing I feel that I can possess is what is in my heart.  This is what works for me, and only me.

I’m not saying ditch the stuff or ditch the symbols.  I would never advocate that. But if you are feeling out of sorts, feeling like something is missing, a trip to the mall or Amazon isn’t what you need (I know this from experience).

Sometimes the best place to look is the last place you want to.  Inside. For me, I had to radically purge all the things I was clinging to.  All the things I identified with. 

I’m obsessive by nature, so I could not possibly just do this halfway.  Just like I used to think I could just have one beer…that just did not work.

I like simple.  I have lived with stress from over-buying, over-thinking, over-indulging and basically over doing.  Now I am over being over. 

I do carry my wedding ring in my wallet.  I do have lots of books on my Kindle.  I have no make up and only two outfits.  It may not look like much but it is everything and so much more.

Inward symbols that only I can see are my mandate. It reminds me that we should never judge on a person’s outward appearance because the really important stuff is on the inside.