By Lois Hewitt

I know my posts circle around the same things. The advice writers (and I know I’m no Hemingway) get all the time is write what you know.

Well I know my life pretty good. So I write about it. I know about failure. So I write about it.  I know about doubt.  So I write about it.  I know about transformation. So I write about it.

In my dark years, I looked for someone like me who was struggling and I did not find anyone. I desperately wanted to hear someone else with my issues and I found no one. When I decided to start writing my blog ten years ago, I wrote it so that one person would not feel alone.

When I started the blog I was depressed, drinking actively, not fully believing in the things I shout about today.  My words were weak and clumsy. Today I hope my words are strong, not perfect but strong. I try to keep it real.

I have been healed by the love and life of Jesus. I talk about it non-stop.  I was a mess for literally decades and I was unhealthy. Today I am so much better. Not by my own power but by the power of Jesus.

Does that mean I now never doubt?  I wish I could say I never do.  But the screaming voices of the world can infiltrate your mind and cause doubt.  Life has scenarios that can leave you doubting.  Does that mean I have turned my back on Jesus?  No.

The life of Jesus is huge, it’s epic in a way that is hard to comprehend.  Our consciousness revolves around what we have learned and what we have experienced.  Our traumas affect us differently.  Our happinesses are singular to us.  These things are the clay that make us who we are.

Along comes this story of a Man who is also God. He comes not to teach religion but to teach how to live. How to treat others. How to start a revolution, one that would change the world forever. It’s too huge to fully understand.

So as I do my studies, as I read God’s word and watch a bit of The Chosen, I find small little voices that say, “How can this be real?”  Is it all just a fairy tale?  Where is the concrete truth?

I certainly don’t have the answers the world clammers for.  I don’t know how it can be true. I don’t know how a Divine God can love someone, like me, who can’t go a minute without sinning. How can this be true and not be some crutch weak people cling to?  That’s what the world says…but..

I know my life. I know who I was.  I know what brought me back from the brink of insanity and changed my life forever. I know Who loved this world enough to hang beaten on a cross for all our sins. I know Who physically died and was buried in a tomb and rose from the dead to offer all of us eternal life with Him.

I am not intelligent enough to answer the world’s questions but I have faith that Jesus did all those things. I have faith that He saved me and loves me.

I have faith the sun will rise. I have faith in the air I breathe.  I have faith in Jesus who took my weakness and made me strong because of His love. I have faith and that means everything to me.

If you ever doubt, it’s okay. We all have moments of doubt. But the answer, in my case-the only case I fully know-is that I have my life experiences and comebacks to prove all I need to know. My faith as small as it may be, is my comfort and strength in these trying times. Don’t give up on Him.  Go to Him with your doubt and He will give you what you need. Every time.