By Lois Hewitt

Today is Ash Wednesday and the beginning of the season of Lent that culminates with the most holy, most joyous day, Easter. This year my Lent is going to be a little different.

The idea many of us know about Lent is giving something up for 40 days.  With idea that this deprivation, for lack of a better word, is meant to draw you closer to God.

I used to think this was just about not having candy or ice cream or alcohol or cigarettes.  It used to really mean nothing to me because I did not understand it.  I placed my Lent withdrawals in the same basket as my new years resolutions…never seen through and just a worthless experiment.

Now I know what it is like to pursue a relationship with God.  I want to be close to Him.  I understand so much more the ultimate sacrifice Jesus made on the cross.  Easter, to me, is no longer about bunnies and baskets but about blood and sacrifice and redemption.

So if Lent is meant to bring us closer to God, that’s what I am going to do.  But it is in a different way than just not eating candy or ice cream.  I don’t say this is radical in a worldly sense but it is for me.

I’m going to treat myself like I treat other people.  For example, I have noticed that I serve my husband’s dinner on a real plate and I serve my dinner on a plastic plate.  I sometimes do not feel worthy of a regular plate. Now just saying it out loud, it sounds crazy.  But I do it and have done it for years.

I sometimes don’t even allow myself to sit down to eat.  If Mike is going to be home late, I eat over the sink, standing up.

I try to overlook other’s mistakes while I hyper-focus on my own.

I think what I’m trying to say is that this Lent Season, I want to value myself a bit more. Let up on the harsh critques of myself. I don’t say I need anything from anyone else, what I am going to do is treat myself like a child of God.

It has nothing to do with buying myself flowers or anything else in that popular song.  It has nothing to do with how other people treat me, the people around me treat me much better than I treat myself. 

This isn’t an ego thing. See that’s what I’m telling myself right now as I write this. I’m going to be selfish this year for Lent, what an ego!  But it is not about that. It is about feeling worthy. It is about feeling value.

For the next 40 days I will try to let go of my negative self-talk.  I will try not to call myself stupid or ugly or untalented. I will try to give up just being mean to myself. I would never treat anyone else the way I treat myself.

My hope is that in 40 days I will be a better person, I will have used the time to commune with God and I emerge a few steps closer to who I want to be.  Maybe I will decide it’s not so bad being nice to myself.

Maybe I will buy flowers for myself…nope, not going to happen. But that’s okay. I just want to be kinder to me. 

I think we could all be a little nicer to ourselves. If you want to try it, I encourage you. We are usually our own worse enemies. Let’s change that narrative, shall we?