By Lois Hewitt

Have you ever had a dream in your mind? A dream you can see, smell and feel?  I see this dream in my waking hours and in my slumber.

I see myself at a desk in front of a large window with flowy curtains.  The desk has a beautiful old typewriter. I’m surrounded in the space by books, pens and paper.  I see nothing else in the room, no other rooms either.

The scene outside the window is the only thing that changes. Sometimes it is a beach scene or a forest or mountains.

I am sitting at this desk writing. No other cares or worries. Only writing but without fear or deadline. It is pure and amazing joy.  Every time I see this vision I am full of exhilaration.

Yet I know it is not what I can expect here on this earth.  I would love to recreate this vision but when I do and I am here on earth, I fret from deadlines and overdue bills and not taking care of my responsibilities.

Then the other day I thought, now this is not Biblical, but what if this vision I have had since childhood was a picture of Heaven. 

I am studying what trusted people say about Heaven. The idea of sitting on clouds and playing harps all day is not correct.  I could not imagine doing that for eternity.

I have read that we will have jobs to do in this perfect place. Jobs we love, jobs not done to pay bills or to just survive.  But a purpose that has no monetary meaning. We are to glorify God. What if that, for me, is writing. And for you, maybe, gardening or raising chickens or baking cookies or making music.

What if the passion you feel way down in your soul, the one you never even spoke about… What if that is your purpose and your instrument for glorifying God.

I have no idea what Heaven will be.  The best any of us can do is speculate.

Lately, I have been thinking about that vision differently.  I was always a little sad thinking that I won’t ever achieve the dream. But now I have to wonder and hope that I will be able to experience that dream come true in Heaven.

I guess it is a silly thought. It just makes the mind reel a bit at the thought of “what if”.  Most people who know more than me (and that’s a lot) agree that Heaven will be perfection.

Your ideal of perfection is going to be different from my ideal.  So why can’t they all be a reality as ways for us to praise God.  It brings me comfort in this uncertain times.

I also think I could be way off base, which is possible. Even if Heaven is just sitting on clouds playing songs of praise on a harp, what a beautiful place it will be. 

By Lois Hewitt

This is how weird I am…I never liked the taste of coffee.  It always tasted burned and bitter. Even when I took one sip, my stomach would scream in pain.  It was something I could not stand.

A while back I started a habit of having breakfast every single day. Even the mornings when I leave for work at 6:30.  It, at first, was just cereal but now it has evolved into a nice mix of different meals. The one constant has been a cup of coffee.

I thought I said I disliked coffee. I did. But when I figured out the importance of having a good breakfast with my husband and he must have coffee, I started to see it differently. It became a lovely part of the day. We eat, share a coffee and talk before setting off in different directions.

I learned to enjoy something I did not particularly like at first. I certainly was not forced to drink coffee, but I decided I wanted to to have that experience every morning.

Obviously, drinking a cup of coffee in the morning is not going to change anyone’s life. Or is it? 

It’s a perfect example of being intentional.  I wanted to share a cup of coffee with my husband in the morning, so I adapted.  Now when I wake, I have a small ritual to look forward to.

What does that have to do with anything?  Having and enjoying a cup of coffee showed me that a small thing can bring a great reward.  That is life changing, not the coffee per say, but the intent.

As I manuaver through life, I have a tendency to run through the mud and muck.  What I mean is I am easily bogged down by situations around me.  It’s like driving your car down a muddy road, even if you do not get stuck (which is a distinct possibility), you will come away with it (life) all over you.

Having common things that you practice everyday can help steer you clear of the muck. It can be a simple as reading a book, drinking water, taking a walk or having a cup of coffee.  It becomes a grounding activity and it brings comfort.

Personally, I have quite a few practices I try to do everyday. It is a bit structured but, for me, I keeps me from just doing nothing because I am overwhelmed.

My practices bring me focus as well as comfort.  I have lived in fight-or-flight so long, I forgot how to relax.  Starting to live differently is not easy.  It takes time and effort. Especially in the beginning when the practices are not a solid part of your existence.

I actually started with prayer. I wanted to be a prayer warrior. But had no idea how to start. Turns out it could not be easier…just talk.  Then learn to listen. Then it becomes a daily practice.

Some things I thought would be great for my mental health, were not.  Some things I never thought of before work the best.  Some things worked good for a time but became unnecessary. The process is ever changing. 

My goal is to be healthier and more stable.  My goal is to be more like Jesus. My goal is to be a better human being. 

Jesus came to the world to teach humans how to live. It must be an intentional activity.  It does not come easy to live in righteousness.  For me, maybe only me, sin comes easy.  I can sin and not even have to think about it. But to live a righteous life, now that takes me some effort.

I have found the little intentional steps will eventually lead to a more structured life that replaces the chaos and anxiety. Sometimes it simply starts with a cup of coffee.

By Lois Hewitt

I know my posts circle around the same things. The advice writers (and I know I’m no Hemingway) get all the time is write what you know.

Well I know my life pretty good. So I write about it. I know about failure. So I write about it.  I know about doubt.  So I write about it.  I know about transformation. So I write about it.

In my dark years, I looked for someone like me who was struggling and I did not find anyone. I desperately wanted to hear someone else with my issues and I found no one. When I decided to start writing my blog ten years ago, I wrote it so that one person would not feel alone.

When I started the blog I was depressed, drinking actively, not fully believing in the things I shout about today.  My words were weak and clumsy. Today I hope my words are strong, not perfect but strong. I try to keep it real.

I have been healed by the love and life of Jesus. I talk about it non-stop.  I was a mess for literally decades and I was unhealthy. Today I am so much better. Not by my own power but by the power of Jesus.

Does that mean I now never doubt?  I wish I could say I never do.  But the screaming voices of the world can infiltrate your mind and cause doubt.  Life has scenarios that can leave you doubting.  Does that mean I have turned my back on Jesus?  No.

The life of Jesus is huge, it’s epic in a way that is hard to comprehend.  Our consciousness revolves around what we have learned and what we have experienced.  Our traumas affect us differently.  Our happinesses are singular to us.  These things are the clay that make us who we are.

Along comes this story of a Man who is also God. He comes not to teach religion but to teach how to live. How to treat others. How to start a revolution, one that would change the world forever. It’s too huge to fully understand.

So as I do my studies, as I read God’s word and watch a bit of The Chosen, I find small little voices that say, “How can this be real?”  Is it all just a fairy tale?  Where is the concrete truth?

I certainly don’t have the answers the world clammers for.  I don’t know how it can be true. I don’t know how a Divine God can love someone, like me, who can’t go a minute without sinning. How can this be true and not be some crutch weak people cling to?  That’s what the world says…but..

I know my life. I know who I was.  I know what brought me back from the brink of insanity and changed my life forever. I know Who loved this world enough to hang beaten on a cross for all our sins. I know Who physically died and was buried in a tomb and rose from the dead to offer all of us eternal life with Him.

I am not intelligent enough to answer the world’s questions but I have faith that Jesus did all those things. I have faith that He saved me and loves me.

I have faith the sun will rise. I have faith in the air I breathe.  I have faith in Jesus who took my weakness and made me strong because of His love. I have faith and that means everything to me.

If you ever doubt, it’s okay. We all have moments of doubt. But the answer, in my case-the only case I fully know-is that I have my life experiences and comebacks to prove all I need to know. My faith as small as it may be, is my comfort and strength in these trying times. Don’t give up on Him.  Go to Him with your doubt and He will give you what you need. Every time.

By Lois Hewitt

Do you ever stop and think about how far you have come?  It is easy to look back and start kicking yourself. But what if we all started to look back and feel good about the journey?

For example, I have lived under a self-proclaimed dark cloud because I dropped out of high school.  High school means very little to me know but I ruminate over the fact I didn’t finish. 

I did get my GED. I was too drunk to remember even taking the test.  So that doesn’t make me feel better.

I did work hard to get my Associate Degree and most of my Bachelors Degree. But I didn’t really finish that either.

I never felt like I earned anything. Like somehow I squeezed my way through things but that I did not deserve it.  All because I dropped out of high school.

That stigma has followed me through all these years. That was so long ago, how can it still effect me?

Remorse, I think, keeps me from considering myself a success in any form.  I regret many things in my life and any good I have, I feel I do not deserve.

But the truth is that blip on my life’s timeline is not what defines me.  It is part of me but not the entirety of me. 

I think we all give too much power to our stumbles and falls.  The reality is we got back up, looked around, dusted ourselves off and kept walking. Why don’t we celebrate that?

Instead we wallow and languish away in our failures. Failures, in essence, are what show us the way.  You do something and fail, you reevaluate where you are heading.  You take the failures and learn what not to do…which can be more important than knowing what to do.

My blog started off being about my Epic Journey and somewhere along the way I forgot about the journey as I only looked for the destination.

Sit, if you will for a moment. And think about how far you have truly come in your life.  Depending on age and experience, I imagine you have grown in so many ways.  That is worthy of celebration.

We tend to condemn ourselves for past mistakes.  We never forget the bad, while the good things we have done fade away into oblivion.

As a Christian, I have been made new through the blood shed on the cross.  Jesus forgives me as I confess my sins. Yet I cannot quite forgive myself. Isn’t that an affront to Jesus? Who painfully died as a sacrifice for me.

I hadn’t thought about it that way. I assumed my lack of understanding of my own situation was my penance for the past. Now I see it differently.

The person I saw in the mirror then is light years away from who I see today and isn’t the same as the person I will see.

Let’s quit wringing our hands over who we were. Let’s start celebrating who we are and let’s look forward to who we become.

Yes I made many mistakes. Yes I learned from them. My biggest success is learning to take all of it, good and bad, to the foot of the cross. Jesus came to give us life abundantly. I don’t know about you but I don’t want to waste another moment moping around like a dog that’s been beat.

I know I did not get here on my own but I got here. That is worthy of a small celebration.  Don’t you think?

If you know Jesus, remember He died for you. He suffered on the cross for you.  He loves you in a way we cannot comprehend. He has given us the ultimate gift…a new life. I do not want to squander that gift any more. You with me?  Just look how far we have come!

By Lois Hewitt

Lent: Living Without Thanklessness

I saw a post that said today was Thankful Thursday.  I really liked the sentiment so I decided every Thursday will be Thankful.  All days should be but I want to make one day that!

I got to thinking how do we show gratitude. I thought of a couple ways.  I want to thank those around me who enrich my life. Those people are so easy to take for granted. They always show up, they always have your back and we can overlook their contributions very easily. 

As I go about my daily common duties, I want to randomly give thanks for things not on my normal gratitude list.

Thank you for dishes to wash.  Thank you for warm socks.  Thank you for toothpaste. Thank you for lemons. Thank you for not letting me win the lottery (i’d turn into a real jerk).  And the like.

I try to pray my gratitude list every night before I fall asleep. I usually fall asleep during that prayer so I will try to be better. I will also add a gratitude line in my planner.

I want to thank those who help my life. The person who pulls my groceries because I get anxiety grocery shopping. I order on line and a wonderful person does my shopping. I really need to thank them.

I need to thank those who help me spiritually.  I have several people who help me in my Christian walk.  This walk is not an easy one and anyone who tries it alone will value those who help.

I just want to be thankful.  Many years of my life had been spent moaning and groaning about what I didn’t have.  What was missing in my life.  My thanklessness made me toxic. It is a deadly disease that kills everything in its path.

Then I was re-introduced to Jesus and He took that toxic shell and cleaned it up, polished it and made it like new. He gave me a second (third, fourth, and on) chance in this life and gave me the ultimate gift of eternal life with Him.

That may sound crazy and far-fetched but the reality is I was on a path to destruction and He grabbed me off that road before I got to the dead end.

He has changed me and I should never be thankless again.  I know, however, the days lie in wait, the ones where you think you have been abandoned. The days nothing goes right and life hurts so bad.

Those days, I want to be the most thankful. They remind me that I cannot do this life alone and that I have Jesus to run to.

As I look at my life, past and present and not knowing about tomorrow, I cannot help but be brimming over with gratitude. I have so many more blessings today. Yesterday was full of useless stuff. Today is overflowing with all I need and all I could want.  Gifts from above.

This Lent, I am banishing thanklessness.  Gratitude is mine for all the gifts that fill my life here and in eternity.

One last heartfelt thank you.. To everyone who reads the words I write. The idea that anyone would take the time to read these posts, fills me with the utmost gratitude.  A writer longs to be read, I am so blessed by all of you!  Thank you so very much!

By Lois Hewitt

Rest.  The concept of rest has long evaded me.  Racing thoughts, anxiety and grief have filled me in the night hours.

All the time strategizing how to fix the ills of the world, how to right the wrongs and how to live with the guilt I carry.

Visions shown, on t.v. and social media, of the world with injustice, hatred, and violence, no end in sight, no resolution seen.

A world spinning out of control by unseen forces that have personal agendas that do not serve for good.

How can you rest in such chaos?  How can you not fear?

Meet Jesus.

He calls for the weak and heavy laden to come to Him and He alone will give them rest. 

He calls us to pray without ceasing and He will walk with us through the uncertainty and darkness.

He promises to never leave His children.  He is a constant presence in their lives.

The closer I draw to Him, the more peace I feel.  The more gratitude I feel.  The more love i feel.

He, alone, will be the Victor when the final scene is played. He will show His strength and His power as He rights the wrongs in days to come.

But here and now, I will place my trust in Him. I will seek His face. I will honor Him no matter who tries to sway me differently. I will run to Him, drop at His feet and find the rest I so desperately need.

He has rest for you too!  Pray and seek His face.  He will show you another way…His way. 

By Lois Hewitt

As I stated in an earlier post, this Lent season, I am getting rid of those things that are inhibiting my relationship with Jesus and hurting my overall wellness.

Guilt has long been my daily companion.  As I child, I took on every wrong that happened around me.  As an adult, I lived with the guilt of the things I said and did.

I beat myself up.  I lost many nights of sleep.  I overthought and over compensated for my failures. My guilt made me sick and toxic.

As I started to study more about Christianity, I realized that Jesus does not cause guilt, in fact He is the answer to guilt.  We are made aware of our sins by the Holy Spirit in a way in which we acknowledge the sins, repent and work on being better.

The idea of Jesus dying on the cross for my sins, makes feeling on-going guilt like a slight against the salvation we are so freely given.

So where then does guilt come from?  Guilt is a tool that is used to manipulate and control.  It degrades your sense of self-worth and keeps you in a state of beholding.

There is a definite difference between being aware and repenting of our sins and living under a constant weight of shame and guilt. Jesus does not want His children drowning in a sea of unworthiness. He wants us to acknowledge our sin, ask for forgiveness and pray for strength to overcome.

You cannot overcome when there is a heavy, hard and cold weight around your neck or if the weight of the world is heavy on your shoulders.

Jesus came to show us the true way.  He does, indeed, show us our sins but He also shows us a way to have victory. You can’t have victory if you don’t forgive yourself.

It’s good to have remorse. Many times I learned how not to behave from the remorse I have felt.  It spurred me on to be better. Guilt never gave me anything positive to aid in healing. It inhibits healing.

Now I see the difference between sincere remorse and guilt. I now know where to go with my remorse. I am going to do the wrong things and I am going to say wrong things, humans are flawed. But if you can take the responsibility for your shortcomings and drop them at the foot of the cross, something of a positive nature can happen.

Guilt, in and of itself, never leads to anything positive. It doesn’t change outcomes.  It holds us back.  Guilt says I don’t trust Jesus to able to cleanse me. 

We all have guilt.  You cannot walk this land without it. But you do not have to be under its control. If you want to get better, to be better, you (and I) have to lose the guilt. Go to the cross, sincerely repent with the utmost gratitude for the gift of forgiveness and learn from what has transpired.

Guilt does not make us better. Guilt spurs knee-jerk over corrections that usually make things worse. Jesus died because of our sinful nature. Today I want to honor that sacrifice by giving up on the guilt and falling on my knees at His feet.

By Lois Hewitt

Today is Ash Wednesday and the beginning of the season of Lent that culminates with the most holy, most joyous day, Easter. This year my Lent is going to be a little different.

The idea many of us know about Lent is giving something up for 40 days.  With idea that this deprivation, for lack of a better word, is meant to draw you closer to God.

I used to think this was just about not having candy or ice cream or alcohol or cigarettes.  It used to really mean nothing to me because I did not understand it.  I placed my Lent withdrawals in the same basket as my new years resolutions…never seen through and just a worthless experiment.

Now I know what it is like to pursue a relationship with God.  I want to be close to Him.  I understand so much more the ultimate sacrifice Jesus made on the cross.  Easter, to me, is no longer about bunnies and baskets but about blood and sacrifice and redemption.

So if Lent is meant to bring us closer to God, that’s what I am going to do.  But it is in a different way than just not eating candy or ice cream.  I don’t say this is radical in a worldly sense but it is for me.

I’m going to treat myself like I treat other people.  For example, I have noticed that I serve my husband’s dinner on a real plate and I serve my dinner on a plastic plate.  I sometimes do not feel worthy of a regular plate. Now just saying it out loud, it sounds crazy.  But I do it and have done it for years.

I sometimes don’t even allow myself to sit down to eat.  If Mike is going to be home late, I eat over the sink, standing up.

I try to overlook other’s mistakes while I hyper-focus on my own.

I think what I’m trying to say is that this Lent Season, I want to value myself a bit more. Let up on the harsh critques of myself. I don’t say I need anything from anyone else, what I am going to do is treat myself like a child of God.

It has nothing to do with buying myself flowers or anything else in that popular song.  It has nothing to do with how other people treat me, the people around me treat me much better than I treat myself. 

This isn’t an ego thing. See that’s what I’m telling myself right now as I write this. I’m going to be selfish this year for Lent, what an ego!  But it is not about that. It is about feeling worthy. It is about feeling value.

For the next 40 days I will try to let go of my negative self-talk.  I will try not to call myself stupid or ugly or untalented. I will try to give up just being mean to myself. I would never treat anyone else the way I treat myself.

My hope is that in 40 days I will be a better person, I will have used the time to commune with God and I emerge a few steps closer to who I want to be.  Maybe I will decide it’s not so bad being nice to myself.

Maybe I will buy flowers for myself…nope, not going to happen. But that’s okay. I just want to be kinder to me. 

I think we could all be a little nicer to ourselves. If you want to try it, I encourage you. We are usually our own worse enemies. Let’s change that narrative, shall we?

By Lois Hewitt

An unexpected day off…what to do? 

Changes in plans, especially short notice, tend to tail-spin me a little bit. But knowing ahead of time causes me to over-think. I can’t seem to win.

I plan my schedule so that I can easily keep up with work, cooking and home chores. I admit I’m a bit regimented. Okay. Maybe more than a bit.

Some days it feels as if all the planning and re-planning is ruining my life. Spontaneity freaks me out. But isn’t being spontaneous a joy in life?  Yes, one I can’t seem to enjoy.

I find comfort in schedules and routines. Knowing what to expect puts me at ease.  I find myself constantly looking at the time because I have a plan that needs followed.

Today with my unexpected day off, I realized that maybe the rigid structure from which I live, might be unhealthy for me.  In my desperate search for stability, I have created my own prison.

I was a chaotic youth and that behavior followed me into adulthood.  As I have matured, I found myself longing for stability. The only way I know to have that is with structure.

Like a building (a structure), I feel as I have constructed myself in such a way that I can withstand storms and outside chaos. But the problem with being like a building is you learn to only bend enough not to break.  You must have some give but enough to topple.  But my foundation is weak.

That is why Jesus calls His followers to build their faith on the rock.  The rock is the rigid, unmoving foundation. Jesus never moves, never changes.  He is where we plant our feet when the storms start to rage. 

Are we called to be our own foundation?  No way.  My own foundation would be like building a house on quicksand. If I depended on my own strength and abilities to stand strong against the world’s gale force winds, it would not be long before the whole thing simply sank into the ground.

I have lived under my own power before and the results of that experience were devastating. Giving up control is so hard to do, but it is one of the best gifts we can experience.

When you give it all to Jesus, He does the carrying of the burdens.  He is the one who relieves the worries. Oh how I long to give up the weight on my shoulders and carry His yoke, which is lighter.

If you feel burdened today with all the worries life likes to pile on you, there is a better way. It’s not always easy to let go, but Jesus calls us, the tired (from trying to do it all) and heavy laden to go to Him for rest.

Matthew 11:28
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

His peace defies expectation. Join me today as I cast my worries and cares on Him. Today I will loosen my grip on my life and start to see a life filled with peace. Troubles may not disappear but you will not be the only one trying to hold life together.

His love for us is real.  He longs to bear the burden. Life is difficult even on the seemingly perfect days.  Don’t try to maneuver it alone.  For you are never alone.

By Lois Hewitt

I wanted so much to be a cheerleader in high school.  They were the coolest.  But I had a long list of deficiencies that did not allow for that to happen.  Being uncoordinated and clumsy were not prerequisites for cheering.

It took me a long time, but I finally realized that I can be a cheerleader right now.  What does a cheerleader do?  They encourage the home team to win games.  They encourage the fans to support the home team.  They are encouragers.

Each of us have that ability inside.  Luckily it does not require high kicks or doing the splits (or as I call it breaking a hip).  The cheerleading I am talking about does not even require much physical activity.

Encouraging words may not seem like something that can change the world…but they can. In the same way negativity kills.

We all have dreams.  Some real and some more fanciful.  Not every dream or idea can become a reality.  The world is quick to point out the flaws in your plan.  Point out how the idea could never work.  Discouraging.

Of course, one cannot encourage ideas that are dangerous in any way.  Like all things in life there is a fine line we all have to walk.

What I am talking about is a more personal type of dream. Not jumping off a cliff, although some people do that successfully (can’t imagine the encouraging words the cliff jumpers heard) but more like a desire to learn the guitar or to paint.

Many times our concerns turn to how to make money. Not that we are greedy, but many of us do live paycheck to paycheck without any safety net. If I decide to be a writer (my big dream), the likelihood of having a future of homelessness and hunger would be pretty good.  I realize that I should not quit my day jobs. I do, however, receive many encouraging words spurred from my rantings and those sentiments fill my soul beyond belief.

So it is with others, they may not quit their jobs to become singers, but they may enjoy an extra chorus of Moonriver in the shower. Maybe the encouragement gets them the strength to go to karaoke night. Maybe that little adventure feeds their soul. And it came from a few simple words of encouragement.

As Christians, Jesus calls us to be encouragers. We are told many times to choose our words wisely and to say nothing that is harmful. His example is one of encouragement and love.

I find it to be so important to acknowledge strides others have made or compliment someone regarding a goal reached. These words can ease the pain of disappointments experienced along the way and be affirming of additional strides to come. All must be said with a genuine and sincere heart.

I never was a cheerleader in high school (and that’s okay…now) but I have the opportunity to be a cheerleader every day. Don’t forget those closest to you.  We tend to forget they need encouraged just like anyone else, maybe more so.

Will it change the world?  Probably not but a kind and encouraging word can change an individual’s world.  And that is a most beautiful thing!