By Lois Hewitt

Many of us, including myself, are people pleasers. Which means that sometimes we get into situations that are not healthy for us just because we do not want to upset anyone.

I’m in a situation like that right now. I have been asked to assist in an activity that I have no business doing. I politely said no and explained myself and thought that was the end. Then I was asked again.

Now the doubt and the guilt starts. I began over thinking my decision and started assuming I was a terrible person and an even worse Christian. What kind of person does not help their fellow man? How selfish can you be? I was beating myself up like being in the ring with Mike Tyson.

I went online and looked for advice for this situation. Everything pointed to just saying no. No is a complete sentence. I have even given that advice myself. The problem is that it is easier said than to actually do.

If you are a caring person, “no” is a hard line to draw. You may know that a situation is just not good for you but you still do not want to hurt the other person. You then start to doubt your motives. Thinking you are just being selfish. Next thing you know you are the bad guy.

As a Christian, I feel doubly bad because I think about what Jesus would actually do. I strive to be more like Him but am I wrong?

My first mistake was to look outside the Bible for advice. I honestly thought that my situation wasn t covered in the Bible. I was wrong. When I looked I saw times when Jesus said “no” when He walked the earth. When the crowds got too large at the Sea of Galilee, He had to remove Himself. And Jesus has said no to me plenty of times which always worked for my good.

I’m not saying that I am even close to bring in the same position as Jesus, not even close. But no where does it say that we are to solve every problem. Or that we are to be on call all the time. Yes, we are called to care for our fellow man but not every situation is one we can resolve. Some situations are not even in our ability to assist with.

Saying no may cause hard feelings. That is unfortunate. We never go looking for that outcome. But if the situation is not one that is in your skill set, being honest is the best path. Many times I said yes only to get angry and then nothing is resolved at all.

So the conclusion I have come to is that I have certain gifts and lack others. I am learning to say no to the ones I lack skills in. I have learned through an extreme number of disappointments what I am capable of and not.

I have grown tired of disappointing myself, others and Jesus. Some times it is just best to say no up front. It is NEVER easy but it can make things better in the long run.

My unanswered prayers serve as a reminder that sometimes no is the best answer even if it hurts for a while. We are not called to be everything to everyone. I want to do those things where I can actually make a positive difference.

I’m still working on this. I will let you know if I come up with a better answer. Until then, I will pray and do my best. That’s all we can do.