To me, writing a blog was going to be easy. Opinions, I have a lot of them. Interests, I do ok. Knowledge, mostly self-taught…that one worries me a bit. Nothing to say, happens all the time much to my dismay.
When I started this blog all those years ago, I was on a new path for my life. I was changing almost everything I had ever known. Although I have to admit the reflection I see in the mirror these days is not the same one I saw just a few years ago. Along with the grey hairs and the wrinkles are the feelings of having lived a life, one I had previously only dreamed of.
The changes in my life have profoundly changed me inside and out. I think differently now then I did then. I see a wider view then I did before. I feel more and sometimes I curse that, but it is all part of the journey.
Words are always floating around in my head. I just cannot seem to herd them into anything coherent some days. That surprises me. I thought I would always have the words. Words, whether reading them, singing them or writing them, helped a lonely kid not be so afraid. Words helped me in the times of loss and heartbreak. Words never made me feel inadequate. To the contrary, words often brought me to a place where I felt like I wanted to venture out. They gave me courage.
When I started this blog, I wanted to write great things as a way of honoring my old friends, words. I am saddened that I have not been able to do that. Hemingway, that I am not. I guess as I write these words, they are not half bad for a high school dropout. Not terrible for someone who lived mostly in fear of an unknown world.
I guess the words come when one finally stops trying so hard to be profound. Letting the mind clear and refocus seems to be the key. There is so much static and clutter in the world today, even a simple thing like writing a small blog can seem daunting.
Words have never left my side, nor will I leave theirs. I may not always have a revelation to say but, at the very least, I will try to keep peeling the layers back with the intent of always improving myself.
I feel like I am losing the “epic” in my epic journey, but that is actually ok. I am still learning. It is all good.